Redeemed

I've moved!

2011-07-12T11:14:00.000-04:00

Hey friends I have moved to a new blog.. The address is www.angelarva.wordpress.com

Missions

2011-06-12T22:03:00.003-04:00

I have been in Richmond for almost 6 years now. The way God has transformed my life, my purpose, and my desires has been nothing short of a miracle. My deepest joy is spending my time witnessing to people, by speaking to them of how great a Savior Jesus is, or by inviting them into my home and showing the love of God through authentic Christian community.

I want to spend my time with people who have no hope, and I want to offer it to them. So often, I see people the way COULD be, if they would turn their hearts toward Jesus. If they would only turn from their sin (living life apart from God and in rebellion to His leadership) and enter a love relationship with their Heavenly Father, I just know He will give them a new heart, a new purpose, a new identity! He did it for me!

When I was in Haiti last year, I learned what it looked like to be a missionary..each day you get up and dedicate your time to the Lord, seeking Him first in prayer and in the Word, and then the day is spent laboring, meeting the physical needs of those around you but more importantly, sharing WHY you are doing it: because you desire that they would love Christ. Each day was for God, from sunup to sundown. I vowed not to lose this when I got back to the States.

It's been a year since Haiti. I have not forgotten how to live like a missionary, because that's what I am. It is who every Christian is, should they choose to obey the Great Commission.I have seen God moving here, through purposeful ministry. Though there are days where I would like to just pack it up and go work in a refugee camp in Africa, God has made it clear that I am to be in Richmond until He tells me otherwise. There is so much opportunity here; people from every tribe, tongue and nation right outside my door. Buddhists, Muslims, atheists, and nominal Christians. People I want to love on. People who could be transformed by the grace of God through faith in His son. I want them to see that it's not just saying "Yes I believe God loves me and He sent Jesus to die, and now I'm saved and I don't have to worry about eternity." That's just a mental assent. I want to see hearts that fall in love and lives that transform into conduits of Jesus' message and his love. I want to see new creations: miracles! I want to see people who know they are loved love others.I want to make disciples who make disciples.

There is nothing better than pouring our lives out for the sake of the Gospel. When it comes down to it, when you look back at your life will you be happy that you made money or had great stuff, or do you want to say "I rode that thing til' the wheels fell off! I did everything I could to show Christ..everyday was about Him and people coming out of death into life!"

Each day, commit yourself to Him and ask Him to do whatever He wants with your day. Be a missionary. It's who you are anyway.

On love and fear

2011-05-07T23:51:00.004-04:00

In light of recent news about the death of Osama Bin Laden, I have been thinking. Alot. There have, throughout the centuries of recorded human history, ever since the Fall, been acts of violence and hate, perpetrated on the basis of one man/group thinking themselves in the right, or one man/group taking what they want (be it money, power, or anything that falls under a subheader) at the cost of another.

Satan himself wages war on our God, because he wants what is not his (God's GODNESS and subsequent worship). Cain killed Abel because he was jealous of him. Throughout the Bible there are stories of evil and murder and in our secular history books: regimes taken by force and genocide in the name of political or religious advancement. I think of the Hutus and the Tutsis in Rwanda and Burundi, and of the massacre of the Christians in Sudan in the 80's, leaving thousands of orphaned children and a tribe of emigrating "Lost Boys". I am ashamed as a follower of Jesus of the Crusades, a bloody war that was fought for the "sake of Christianity". Today, people live in fear all over the world. There are civil wars and little or no religious freedoms or human dignities in the majority of many civilizations. While we sit in our air conditioned homes, we shake our heads at the condition of the people around the world, and thank God that it's not us.

When 9/11 hit, we were saddened and outraged. We lost friends and loved ones, our bubble of security and the American dream were threatened and we felt more keenly the evil that existed in our world. We went to war and vowed to take out the man who was one of the masterminds behind the attacks.Ten years later, here we are. I am not sad that Bin Laden is dead. What makes me sad is seeing the invisible wall between many Americans and Middle Eastern people in the US. I remember seeing an older Arab woman being treated like a criminal in the airport at JFK, the shame and anger at having her things strewn about in front of hundreds of people, and her indignant scream as she was mishandled by the guards. It was humiliating, and very scary. It is horrifying to think that some people may have terrible intentions, murderous plans that they will carry out in the hope that they may be honored by their God. It is heartbreaking that many kind and decent people will be treated like terrorists just because they are wearing traditional clothing or speak Arabic. Such is our world.

I am a follower of Jesus Christ. I believe that he is God, the second person of the Trinity, and that he came to earth as a man to live a sinless life and to willingly take the punishment I deserved for my sins by his death on the cross. I believe that he was buried to show that he was indeed dead, and raised again to prove that indeed, he was God! During his life, he forgave sins, and after his resurrection, he does the same to all that will call on him in repentance(sorrow for a life lived in denial of and rebellion against his Lordship) and faith (that by his grace, we can be forgiven and live eternally in heaven with God)! When we respond to Jesus in this way, the Holy Spirit makes his home inside of us and changes us into new creations, people who are not ruled any longer by the sin nature but whom have the capacity to live holy lives that are pleasing to God. We still mess up, of course, but with the Holy Spirit we will not be able to be the same as we were before we met Christ.God has given us his word, the Bible, to teach us more about himself, to renew our hope, and to give us instructions on how to live and treat one another. By his Spirit, we can live counter culturally, that is, live to obey and honor God, love him, and love others!

In light of this, how do we carry out this lifestyle in a world that is so messed up? I don't pretend to have all the answers, or to know much about anything. What I do know is that God has commanded (not suggested) that I love everyone, even my enemies. Loving them would mean..

Not burning the books they consider holy. I speak of a fundamentalist group in Florida who did this with the Quran. How can this bring anyone closer to God? This only shows that the love of Christ is not pouring out of you, HATE is.How about inviting people of different religions into your home and showing them love and sharing what Christ means to you and what he has done in your life? I have Muslim friends who are so dear to me. All it took was getting to know one personally (whom I call my little brother). I was able to see past the grouping of "them vs. us" and get to care for a person whom God died for and who is hilarious, smart, and so kind and loving. Through this I have developed a huge heart for Muslim people and I pray that they would know the overwhelming grace, the immeasurable love of Christ and the assurance of salvation. They are able to be around us often, and I hope that they see Jesus in us and through us.

Am I saying not to be angry at evil? Of course not! But God has said not to fight evil with evil, but with love!! (Romans 12:17-20). There is enough wrong in the world. We have to stick to the Bible's teachings and trust that God is working all things together for those who love him and are called according to his purposes (Romans 8:28), and we are also called to fulfill the Great Comission, which means sharing the Good News of Jesus with people who may not have access to it in their own cultures! There is certainly room for wisdom, prayer, and caution in the life of the Christian, but fear and hate are not of God.

How can we ACT for Christ in a world that is so entrenched in evil? The answer is to speak the Gospel and to speak truth to the people around us..IN LOVE! To live a life satisfied and abiding in Christ. To be a people who are rejoicing always and patient in hope, praying without ceasing, because this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for us!(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

This applies to how we interact with people of EVERY background..even if they are so different than us that we can't see how we could ever connect. People respond to love. The word of God does not return void, and if it is him working through us then things will happen. My heart was transformed by Christ, and I know that I am a different person because of it. I was up to my neck in sin, miserable but didn't know how to live any other way, and God came in and showed his great power. He truly raised this life up from the dead. I saw the love of Christ in others and I WANTED it.

How do we show love to people who are living so contrary to God, who seem to have no desire for him or his Lordship? We love them and we speak truth in love. What if, instead of calling names, or belittling, or picketing..what if we opened our homes and our lives..what if we considered others as more important than our comfort or rights, but so loved them and wanted them to know Jesus that we showed grace, mercy, and friendship- even when they don't love us back or show us grace- even when they hurt us? What if we loved the one in front of us, even when it is hard, and they open their heart to Christ because there is no earthly reason for us to love them? What if they don't see human reaction, but what if they see God in us?

Let them see Jesus.

Prayer as a Way of Walking in Love

2011-04-21T11:42:00.002-04:00

If you have an hour, you should definitely watch this! Francis Chan (author of the amazing book "Crazy Love"), takes us through his personal experiences with seeing how powerful prayer is and how much God delights in the everyday lives of His children!! Listen to it as you do the dishes, or finish up those taxes (whoops)! Be encouraged!

Who, us?

2011-04-05T21:59:00.004-04:00

1 Peter 2:9
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

Ministry is funny(not haha but laugh til you cry, and then there are the days when you weep with either utter joy or out of complete heartbreak). It is being a servant; it is leading people to look upon Jesus as their ultimate satisfaction. It has been absolutely amazing to see the women in our Bible study grow and learn as we look at the Gospel and what it means in so many different aspects of our lives. Always, we strive to delight in God and to glorify Him..whether that be through how we work, how we relate to our neighbors, or how we examine our motives. I LOVE seeing the girls "get it", to see that light come on and to see them desire to follow more closely after Christ. A life changed by the Gospel is a literal miracle..and it is the most beautiful thing to witness.

There is also heartache and stress as you see the girls turn away from Jesus, or go back and forth..to share the Gospel and think it is taking root only to see no fruit at all. You see the battle over their hearts and minds..sin vs. holiness, the world vs. Christ, and all you can do is keep speaking truth and pray..pray that this new girl who has been coming and is not yet a Christian will not have an abortion even though the father has abandoned her and her mother is not supportive of her having a baby..trust that God has placed her in our lives for such a time as this..pray that she will see Christ's love for her and turn to him and be made whole. Pray that this girl who has been coming for a while will finally let go of her old lifestyle completely and let Christ do amazing things in her life and through it..I am overwhelmed by the responsibility of being entrusted with the care of these girls and must constantly remember that they are ultimately in the Lord's hands, not mine.

Through all the ups and downs of leadership, God is faithful and He will accomplish His good purposes. He is the one that provides the opportunities for ministry in the first place! May we be reminded of that each day as we serve Him!! There is rest in Christ, even in our work, because it is not about US or OUR ability, but about His finished work on the cross! We are to "declare His praises" and tell of how He has called us out of darkness and into His light! We are called to speak the Gospel, and to be obedient, and then the rest is in His hands! It is definitely not easy when you like to be in "control", especially when you don't see the results of your efforts or prayers right away or even EVER, but there is such freedom and relief in knowing that He is the one who holds everything together..the salvation of our lost loved ones, the outcome of our labor, all of it. Sigh of relief.

This is why HE gets the glory. He DESERVES it. Every bit of it. He is so good, and so faithful. I am amazed at how He loves us so much, even when we don't love Him back. We can trust Him to work everything together in His perfect plans, in His impeccable timing. He's pretty much the best boss ever. =)

Are you feelin' it?

2011-03-17T00:40:00.004-04:00

May God glorify Himself through this post because it's one of the times where I have a lot to say but don't know how to say it or where to start.

First of all, my faith is so small. It bugs me to no end, because I really don't necessarily FEEL like God is there ALL the time. I can't imagine heaven, and sometimes I don't feel like my prayers are heard. I share the Gospel with people and I think about how crazy it sounds..

YET...

I KNOW IT IS TRUE!! I have often thought about how the Israelites built a monument to God to remember how He had delivered them (Joshua 4), and how I could do the same thing..set up a physical reminder of each time I have personally seen answered prayer, or the hand of God unmistakably at work in my life. I have heard God speak to me, I have seen Him do things that could ONLY be Him, and I know that I am a new creation. I am not the same girl AT ALL. I desire the things of God, and that is IMPOSSIBLE to do without the Holy Spirit living inside of me.(2 Corinthians 5:17)Crazy, right? So, I have to go through the process of breaking down WHY I can be so sure about God, and how I know that Jesus is that God, because of the historicity of his life, death, and resurrection, and the lives that were changed by meeting Him back then and the ones that are changed every day all over the world. =)

So I am trying to live by FAITH, small as it is, because I realize that my FEELINGS are not going to steer me in the right direction!! The Bible says that the heart is DECEITFUL(Jeremiah 17:9) and desperately sick. It's true. My heart wants it all to be about ME sometimes, ok, a LOT of the time, and it's just not! Once I put my focus back on Christ, I realize that if I am doing what Matthew 6:33 tells me to do, to SEEK first God's kingdom (i.e. not MY OWN), then everything I need will be mine.

During times of struggle, and what I am fairly certain is spiritual warfare, I get so off kilter because I am focusing on why I am not feeling like I think I should. I don't WANT to read my Bible, I don't WANT to take time out of my day to pour into other women..when in TRUTH these are the very things that give me peace and joy like nothing else can. My feelings contradict what I know with all my heart is truth: the words of the Bible.

Lately I have not been so on fire for the Lord, although He is still doing amazing things all around me. I have to fight not to just stay in bed,or putt around the house until it's time for work (I work evenings much of the time) because sleep feels so amazing and I can take "a break" for a day, which becomes two days, and then a week. I'm wasting time, self-indulgently. I know that's not ok. I just wish I cared more right now. What makes it worse is that I have women around me who look to me as a spiritual leader. I know I am in Christ, I know that I TRULY desire to lead them in paths of righteousness. I just feel like someone zapped my strength..kinda like a dim lightbulb. I do, thankfully, have a great community around me, and I have asked for prayer about this. I am just being plain rebellious to a degree. I don't FEEL like loving on people unless I FEEL like it. I am so stubborn sometimes, but I just need to stay in prayer and in the Word.

God Says:
We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. (Hebrews 6:12) Help me, Lord.

I know that God will pull me out of this slump, because He always does. He is faithful even when I'm the kid who is supposed to be running the mile who goes and sits down in the grass and pulls out a Twinkie. I know that God will come and sit with me, and love on me until I see that I DO have strength enough to finish. He will be with me each step, each time I feel like I can't go even one more minute. Stopping is not an option. There is nothing for me apart from Christ.

Do you go through patches like this? What has God done to bring you through?

A boy named Su

2011-01-10T00:09:00.008-05:00

Okay, he hasn't been a boy for maybe 50 years or so. I don't know exactly how old he is, but I first met Su in June of last year. My church takes dinner now and then to a place similar to the R*nald McDonald House here in our city. This is a charity organization that supplies a free place to live for people with critical illnesses that require long-term, in-patient treatment.

That night, we served the food, and then spread out to sit and get to talk with the patients and their families. Most are out-of-towners, in a hospital in a strange town, with no friends to speak of as they go through this hard time. I sat at the table with Su and his wife, Eejie, along with two other people from my church and a younger Korean lady. Su and Eejie are originally from Shanghai,China, but have lived in New York for quite some time. Su has terminal liver cancer. We learned that the couple was Buddhist, though I suspected it was more cultural than faith-based. During our time together, we shared our hope for eternal life through Jesus' death on the cross. Eejie had many questions as we shared the gospel and we answered them to the best of our ability. The Korean lady at our table was critically ill herself, but a believer! She was able to speak of her peace and joy, even through great pain and hardship. Eejie was very inquisitive, but there was a barrier of unbelief there. We could only pray that a seed would take root in her heart. We were able to pray with Eejie for both her and her husband, whom had been told he had maybe two weeks to live.

Fast forward to early November. We are back at the hospital, me leading a small group of women this time. There are only 8 of us, and I can only pray that God will show up in a big way because I'm not even sure that we will have enough food to go around. I prayed a LOT that day, just that God would show up and bless our time there. We serve the food (just enough!) and I send the girls out to sit among the patients and their families. I have seen during the times that we have gone, that as much as they appreciate the different churches and organizations bringing food to them (and they truly are SO thankful), that what really blesses them is having someone take the time to sit down and talk to them: to laugh, and just have a time of fellowship. They need to be loved on and to have someone care about what they are going through!

The last table without one of our girls was an older Asian couple. I asked if I could sit down, and they said "Sure". It took me about thirty seconds to realize that it was Eejie and Su!! He was still alive and kicking! They remembered me and we ate together, making small talk. Su eventually excused himself and went up to his room. Eejie stayed, and again I got the opportunity to share Jesus with her. Another girl from my church, Tina, joined us and we just continued to talk about how good God is and how Jesus is the only way to the Father; the only One who rose from the dead, showing power over death and therefore proving that He could deliver US from death as well! Eejie asked many questions, and we got to share how God had changed us and how we saw Him moving in us and those around us. It was a good time and a good talk. We prayed with her, for her husband, and I was so, so grateful for one, the fact that Su was still alive, and two, that we got another chance to tell them about salvation through Christ! I asked Eejie if I could have her phone number, and maybe we could go get coffee sometime. I told her I would call her soon. I thought it would be nice to get her out of that place for a little fresh air.

My friend Hannah has such an amazing heart for lost people, and she jumped on the chance to come pick up Eejie with me. We went to a little local coffee place, and then walked around some of the gorgeous neighborhood of Church Hill. We talked about many things, but although we did mention the Lord in regard to our lives, I didn't want to "push" Jesus on her as hard as I had been the two previous times. Hannah had other ideas, and we had an hour long conversation on the corner. Eejie had many more questions, but she didn't tire of talking about "the Jesus". She sincerely wanted to know if we had truly been changed by God. She recognized that sometimes she had negative emotions and reactions that she had absolutely no control over, and she didn't like that. We said that, yes, Jesus could really change her, and though even as Christians we still get upset, we lean on Christ and continually repent of our bad thoughts, habits, and behaviors. We grow more like Him and the sin nature is lessened. She was interested, and she even thumbed through Hannah's Bible. She was amazed that we read it so much.

Hannah and I both just loved this spunky little Chinese lady, and prayed for her and her husband often. The next time we went back to see her, Hannah brought her gifts: a Mandarin Bible and a book called "We would see Jesus", also in Eejie's heart language! We stayed at the hospital this time and went through the book of John, and also Phillipians with her, trying to continue to answer questions as they came up through the words in the Scripture. It was awesome! We told her to read it to Su every day, and she said she would.

The next week when we went back to visit, taking our Malaysian brother Julian. Eejie was quoting the Bible to us, saying "It says if there are two or three gathered, He will be here! Is He here right now?" What a joy it was to see her so engaged and captivated by the words in the Bible! We settled in to study John 9, and she really listened, taking it all in and again, asking truly relevant and insightful questions. She understood! Julian was able to translate deeper meanings in Mandarin, and I think that was very helpful. Hannah asked her what was keeping her from believing that Jesus was the true God, and she said "Not yet, I need to learn more", because the Bible is big and she has only read bits and pieces. I told her that in the five years I've been a Christian, I still don't know it all! What is important is believing that Christ's death was sufficient payment for our sins, and then turning from our own ways as we love God and seek to serve Him with our lives. The rest you have a lifetime to learn! She was still noncommittal, which was disappointing, because for some reason I had a feeling that TODAY was when she would be saved. Julian prayed as our time drew to a close, and when he was done, we sat up straight, and then Eejie said "I say couple words." She bowed her head and said " God, thank you for these friends. Please save my soul and forgive for ..(Chinese word, Julian translates "sins"). Please help Su. Amen." Hannah and I looked up at each other with tears in our eyes, and as soon as we got into the bathroom we exclaimed "Did she just say the sinners' prayer?? On her own? Unprompted?" She had. As crazy as it was, as little as she knew, she asked Jesus to save her and He says when you believe in Him and ask Him to save you , He will! I know that we gained a new sister that day!

We went to a Christmas party later that week at the hospital thrown by another church. We got to eat with both Eejie and Su, and at one point Su told us that we were "God's messengers". I knew that Eejie had been faithfully reading the Bible to Su each day, but he was still a Buddhist, and even told me that night that his mother had been a very sincere Buddhist, and was very nice and kind to people, and "is it not the same as Christian"? I told him gently that though there are definitely good moral aspects to different religions, because Jesus proved He was God, and says there is no other way, than Buddhism could not be true. He nodded and looked thoughtful. Before we left, we made plans to go to the Chinese church on the coming Sunday morning. Both Eejie and Su agreed to come.

Hannah and I didn't understand anything(other than the English phrases "Jack-in-the-box" and what sounded like "strategic meetings") because the whole service was Mandarin. It was a Christmas message, and Su listened intently while Eejie fidgeted. The pastor at Chinese church was very kind and got their contact information, offering to pick them up for Bible Study on Friday nights. As we drove to lunch afterwards, we were talking about their departure from Richmond at the end of the year, and how much we would miss them. They planned to go back to New York, and then to Shanghai for a couple weeks before returning to Virginia. Su told us from the back seat that he would never forget "Angel and Haynah" because now he is not afraid to die and he has God in his heart. WHAT? Hannah and I looked at each other, again with tears in our eyes. Had God been so gracious as to allow us to see both of them saved?

We dropped them off, and I promised to come back to the hospital that night for yet another Christmas party (those people eat like kings, I tell you!). I was tired, but I wanted to make SURE that Su understood the gospel. After sharing with him one last time, and hearing his responses (knowing that Jesus has to be first in our lives! That Holy Spirit has been so busy!)I believe that he does. Hallelujah is the only phrase that fits!

God had answered my prayers to see conversions like they did in the early church, where the message of Christ changes lives and hearts! I have dealt so long with witnessing to cultural Christians, who don't understand what following Christ looks like, and may come to church once in a while but see no need to let Him actually be Lord in their lives. The power of the Word of God pulling this beautiful couple from death into everlasting life has rocked my world, and I have a feeling I am going to be a bit of an evangelism junkie from now on. It is beautiful to live like Christ, but what saves people is knowing that without Him they will be in Hell, and through His death He has made a way for us to be right before God. Jesus saves! Praise God He let me see that when He moves, big things happen!

Be encouraged as you share with your friends and family! He is able to soften even the hardest heart! Keep praying and keep loving and keep speaking truth! He is able!

New

2011-01-08T15:28:00.006-05:00

2010 was not exactly a fun year for me. It was a "buckle down" sort of year. In 2010 I:

1. Got my heart broken by the man I thought I was going to marry (it's complicated, but he was a friend that I fell head over heels for).

2. Drew close to the Lord and leaned on Him through the pain. I also have learned to SPEAK the Gospel..like the actual death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is not enough for me to live like a Christian. People may notice something different about me, but the Gospel of Jesus Christ is what saves, not me being "good".

3. Went on my first mission trip evah, to Diquini, Haiti, where I met the people you see on the news. They turned from sad cases in far off places to smiling faces who rejoiced in God's graces..Don't know why the rhyme hit me but I went with it. It was good to be able to love on people there. They are normal people who live normal lives..their normalcy is WAY different than ours though.

4. Had a man fall for me and just wasn't that into him, which sucked because he is amazing and almost everything I could tell you that I want in a man, minus the living in another country and pledging undying love after one whole week... But.. my heart said no.

5. Decided to go back to school for Christian Counseling. Sat in my house for three months doing schoolwork. Got all A's. Debating continuing because I am not a fan of Psychology, and really what I love to do I should be doing for God anyway. A pastor friend of mine put into words "You are trying to turn your Christianity into a vocation." Those words rang true to me.

6. Decided to stop using my credit card and therefore do not spend money on eating out or movies or unnecessary stuff anymore. Being responsible is not that fun.

7. Began attending an International Prayer Group, to pray for our unsaved friends from other religions/backgrounds. As I get more involved with things of this nature, I have felt the blatant hatred that the enemy has for me. Not pleasant, but my soul rests in the fact that God is bigger.

8. Led a women's Bible study with my dear friend Julia and saw one of my girls fall into sin, which ultimately led to her leaving our church against my counsel. That was hard. We have, overall, had a great few months though and I have gotten a chance to get close to some amazing women!

9. Made a new friend named Hannah and was able to partner with her in ministering to an elderly Buddhist couple.

10. Read a ton of books. Favorite so far is "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan.

In 2011, my prayer is not necessarily for any one thing to happen. I desire to know God much more intimately for who He is..to love and delight in Him..not my work for Him or what He is doing or what He is giving..but to love and worship Him. And then I need to lose 20 pounds.

Angela

AAhhh-Men!!

2010-09-22T14:08:00.003-04:00

This is a video of us attending a Haitian church service! We were told that Haitians didn't approve of dancing..haha!

Light on a Hill: Day 1

2010-08-26T00:15:00.012-04:00

The home with the big green yard is Light on a Hill

Morning comes early in Haiti. The sun wakes up around 5:30, and so do most Haitians. Since electricity is a luxury, not a standard convenience, people utilize the daylight hours as much as possible.

Our first morning in Haiti was on a Sunday. The medical team went off to a church nearby, but because of transportation conflicts, we were to stay at the compound, hold our own worship service, and then leave for Light on a Hill, which is where we were to spend the remainder of our time in service. Worship was great. Justin, the younger guy from the medical team, had talked with his dad and was going to spend the week he was in Haiti staying with us. He would see his team during the day as they would commute to Light on a Hill to perform medical services to the community there Monday through Wednesday, but would spend the night there with us while they went back. After our little service, we loaded our bags back up on the Land Rover and headed up, up, up into the mountains of Carrefour to a little place called Diquini, where the church plant called Light on a Hill is situated.
Justin, whom we affectionately called "Number Nine" because he was our ninth team member, and Reggie reading the Bible on the roof.

We passed roadside markets on the way, most just people with their wares spread out on the ground. There were huge piles of clothes, mostly donations that were not being used. I bristled a little at this..but think of the good the money could do them. Some of the things they can't use for themselves could help them to feed their family. That old shirt you never wear can do much more good there than sitting in the back of your closet. We climbed steadily up the mountainside, passing homes of all variety..stone, sheet metal, tent. Many of the homes had UNICEF tarps stretched overtop to compensate for roofs lost during the quake. People were walking up and down the hill, many carrying things on their heads, such as big water jugs or baskets of produce. I really rival their balance and neck muscles!

Light on a Hill was, not really a surprise, because I had no idea what to expect, but like nothing I could have imagined. It is a big house built of concrete, two stories tall but very wide, and with a flat roof that has lots of room and a great view. The back yard is on the edge of a big hill, and you can see all the houses/tents below straight to the ocean (or bay) with mountains to the right. There is a big front yard with trees and grass and a gate stretching all the way around. Right outside that gate is a tent city, which is a community made of mostly temporary tent shelters. These people are waiting for new homes to be built because they lost their homes in the earthquake. There is no electricity, no running water. It is utterly different than anything I've ever seen before.

Also outside the gates is the church. It is a simple, open structure made of bamboo poles and covered by blue tarp. This is where services are held Sunday morning and night, and several nights throughout the week. They use the generator from the house at Light on a Hill to provide electricity for light and the sound machines.

There were tents set up around the main house at LOAH. These were for the young men who were a part of the church plant, those being discipled by Pastor Junior, who is in charge there. They also housed the translators, Anel and Reggie, who would spend each day with us as we served in Haiti.

Anel and Reggie

The pastor at Light on a Hill's name is Junior. He is all of 27 years old. His dad is still a practicing voodoo priest. When Junior became a Christian, he was kicked out of his house, and his parents told him they wouldn't pay for his schooling. Junior told them that God would provide. He moved out, and was adopted by a missionary family who paid for ALL of his schooling. He trusted in the Lord, and the Lord provided.

Me and Pastor Junior

The girls and I set up pur cots and mosquito netting in our downstairs room, and took in the beauty that was Haiti. The next day was going to be hard work, but with God's hand in it we knew it would be beautiful.

On Haiti and God

2010-08-20T16:32:00.011-04:00

The Cast:
On July 24 I boarded a plane bound for Port Au Prince, Haiti with seven other people from my church: Erin: a 26 year old woman whose life is devoted in service to the Lord and who needs to get a record deal; Josh:31, a goofy Chris Farley type who loves God and a good laugh; Julian: a twenty year old Malaysian kid who takes both his walk with the Lord and the English language literally; Luke: Eighteen and bright, but got lost in the airport within the first 20 minutes; Karen: a forty-eight year old mother of two girls, one of whom is expecting her first child.This is Karen's first mission trip, also; Mike and Amanda: a married couple in their mid-twenties. Mike is an elder at our church and loves baseball and playing the drums. Amanda is sweet and pretty, and teaches physical education at a private school. She will also kick your butt on the volleyball court any day. Then there's me: 30, still working in a restaurant and finally going for a degree in Christian counseling starting this semester. Hilarity and tears were sure to ensue.

The plot:

On January 12, 2010 a devastating earthquake hit the already impoverished nation of Haiti, which is the western third of the island called Hispaniola in the West Indies. Haiti has an interesting and violent past: they are the only nation besides the US to gain independence from outside rule and they also dedicated their country to Satan two hundred and six years ago. They are the poorest nation in the western hemisphere, and this beautiful island is now broken even worse than it was before and seems literally to be God-forsaken.

Some of Haiti's history as taken from:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/1202857.stm

1492 - Christopher Columbus lands and names the island Hispaniola, or Little Spain.

1496 - Spanish establish first European settlement in western hemisphere at Santo Domingo, now capital of Dominican Republic.

1697 - Spain cedes western part of Hispaniola to France, and this becomes Haiti, or Land of Mountains.

1801 - A former black slave who became a guerrilla leader, Toussaint Louverture, conquers Haiti, abolishing slavery and proclaiming himself governor-general of an autonomous government over all Hispaniola.

1802 - French force led by Napoleon's brother-in-law, Charles Leclerc, fails to conquer Haitian interior.

Independence

1804 - Haiti becomes independent; former slave Jean-Jacques Dessalines declares himself emperor.

The next two hundred years of rule are very tumultuos: leaders are deposed or killed, new dictators rise up or the people elect leaders..but it doesn't seem that they stay in power very long.

This year:
2010 January - Up to 300,000 people are killed when a magnitude 7.0 earthquake hits the capital Port-au-Prince and its wider region - the worst in Haiti in 200 years.

US takes control of the main airport to ensure orderly arrival of aid flights.

2010 March - International donors pledge $5.3 billion for post-quake reconstruction at a donor conference at UN headquarters.

2010 July - Popular anger grows over slow pace of reconstruction six months after quake, aid workers report.

The website I referenced above also claims that approximately 90% of Haitians practice voodoo. Every single president in Haiti has practiced voodoo. The spiritual darkness is very in-your-face and overwhelming. People worship evil. It is a scary place.

The first thing I noticed as we were flying over the Dominican Republic after our layover in San Juan, PR was the tiny rash bumps coming out on my right arm. I hadn't even set foot on Haitian soil yet and I had somehow caught an infectious disease already. I also took in the deep green of the DR, and then the barrenness of Haiti as we flew over parts that had been deforested.

Normally, when I've flown in the past, I love to take in all the buildings and beauty of the place I am descending into. Not so this time. There were no skyscrapers, no city waiting for us. We got closer to the ground and saw tiny lean to houses and desolate farm land."What have we gotten ourselves into" was the question at the front of my mind, but I was here for two weeks, like it or not. I hoped I'd like it.

The departures "warehouse" is the only way I can describe the place where we went through customs and picked up our bags. One huge room with people swarming all around. It was an airplane hangar, now that I think of it. A huge, undecorated airplane hangar. We left out of a huge garage door and ten men tried to pry our suitcases out of our hands saying "Let me help you". They practically wrench your bags away from you and then demand to be tipped for their "service". Luckily, we had been warned about this and answered "No, mesi" a hundred times. Only Erin's bag was won into the hands of the "skycap" and he got a couple dollars.

We were met by three missionaries who had come in Baptist Land Rovers to pick us up. One of the missionaries, Kim, was my roommate for four months in Richmond and helped set up all the details of our trip. We threw our bags on top of one of the vehicles and waited as the two missionary men, Parker and David, went to fetch the other team they were picking up; a medical team from Illinois.We waited with Kim, catching up on her first three weeks in Haiti, and saying "no" to people begging through the fence around the airport parking lot. About forty minutes later, the medical team, minus one bag of equipment, was loaded in the other Land Rover and we set off for the main compound in Port-Au-Prince. This is where we would spend our first night.

The compound was a large gated piece of land down a side street in the city. There is a small house with an office, kitchen, and two bathrooms, and tents dotting the property, which is where the teams that come in to serve short term stay. We set up our cots and sat awhile, then ate a delicious dinner of rice and beef, mangoes, bananas, and a delectable soda the likes of which i have never had called "Fruit Champagne". It is orange in color and fruity and vanilla-y in taste. Loved it. After dinner we reapplied our various forms of bug repellent (I used Deet 45), we gathered around the picnic table and sang worship songs. It gets dark very early in Haiti (around 6 or 6:30) and the sun rises at about 5:30 am, so we used flashlights to see our song books and Josh played his guitar. A young guy by the name of Justin who was with the medical team joined us. His team was comprised of his Dad, who is a dentist, and other people all over the age of 40. He is 19, which is way closer to our team's demographic than his.

We were all beat from long night and day of travel, so we willingly went to bed early that night ( I'm guessing around nine). I settled into a tent with Erin, Kim, and another missionary named Abby. I could not find my earplugs anywhere, which slightly concerned me, but I figured I was so wiped out that I could probably sleep through anything. This turned out to be an incorrect hypothesis.

That first night I was awakened by the sound of voodoo drums. It was dark, and all that was between me and the great outdoors was the thin tent fabric. I knew the voodoo people weren't in the compound, but I have no idea how close they were. It was a chilling sound. My heart began to beat very loudly and I knew I needed to just pray and pray and pray.

God brought Psalm 23 to mind. The psalm about God protecting His sheep even through the "Valley of the Shadow of Death", and that we are to "fear no evil". As I prayed, God comforted me with the fact that although I was in a place where there was some decidedly scary and evil things taking place, I was safe in His care. He protects those He loves. I was able to fall back asleep, and slept peacefully through the night.

More to follow..

That time I went to Haiti

2010-08-19T01:38:00.007-04:00

Matters of the Heart

2010-06-22T18:07:00.004-04:00

"We are more able to stop the sun in its course or make rivers run uphill as by our own skill and power to rule and order our hearts" -Puritan John Flavell

I have trusted God with my life. I know that Jesus came two thousand years ago to die for my sins, and I know that only through that death and resurrection will I be able to stand righteous before God. So, I have believed. My life has changed direction, and I now desire to be like Christ. I have relinquished power over my dating life, my heathen lifestyle, and my day in and day out activities. Christ is my focus. God's kingdom is far more beautiful than anything I can obtain by my own power. I am a Christian. I am saved, and I am secure.

I have made it through big time temptation, and I have been declared victorious.So, why, WHY, do I lose my temper when I don't feel like I am being respected? Why do I get so easily annoyed and impatient with people, and why am I anxious when I don't have a good night at work? I don't feel very Christ-like when these things happen. In fact, I feel so ugly on the inside that I wonder how in the world can I be regenerated? But, I know I am..I have seen my desires change and I have seen my life re-orient to be lived for God. So, where is the disconnect? Am I faithful in big things but not in the small?

God has been working to reveal some answers to me in this area of my life. It has been really frustrating..not matter how many times I say "ok, I'm not going to complain today because that's not being a good witness" or "I am going to love people no matter what today", it never seems to work. I can hold it together for a little while, but then I just end up not being able to keep it up and I feel horrible about myself. Like a failure.

So enter book: "You Can Change"(God's transforming power for our sinful behavior and negative emotions)" by Tim Chester, who co-authored another favorite of mine, "Total Church". I would like to share a couple of key quotes I have come across so far.

"Our Christian lives began when we received the Spirit by believing in Christ crucified, not when we finally managed to observe the law. It's foolish to think that we can now take over finish the job through human effort. It's not just that trying to live by laws and disciplines is useless- it's a backwards step-which ends up undermining grace and hope."

"When the crowd asks Jesus what God expects of them he replies "This is the only work God wants from you. Believe in the one he has sent."

I think I finally understand this! It is not just believing He was God then, or in the future, but trusting in His power to metamorphasize ME- not by my strength but by the continual realization that I am completely dependent on His strength and grace- EVERY DAY- Believing in this SENT one- I know He is Lord- but I have been so disappointed in my heart- it yearns to be like Christ but fails miserably- I need faith in everyday things- HIS power- mini-miracles of victory and surrender only by the working of the Holy Spirit. This is freedom. This is "the only work" God wants because it is the only way- we will not change from our own efforts- it is IMPOSSIBLE. I have been trusting in God only for outcomes, not for the day-in, day-out grind of Christian life. I have not asked, not continually, for strength and wisdom in the million small decisions and reactions I face everyday-the decisions and reactions that shape bigger days and the way that others see Christ through me. I have realized my ineptitude on a grand scale but neglected to address the gross selfishness and dissatisfaction in them minutia of life. I thought I could handle them on my own..but I CAN'T. Not like Christ. I can only do them my way.

So, it is time to address my heart. It is time to see where I am not loving God, where I am not believing his Word..because if "ALL THINGS" work together for the good of those who are loved and are called according to his purpose (Jer 29:11), then I need to trust God. I believe that He rose from the dead, but I don't expect that He can help me be kind to those who are not kind to me. I believe that He has the BEST plan for my life, but that complaining is okay because I don't deserve to have a bad day (surely, THAT can't be in His plan). My sin here has been abiding with small rebellions and also with unforgiveness..for myself and for others. My heart is at its core legalistic and as long as I haven't been "sinning" I am doing ok, even though my attitude may stink. But if I do mess up, boy do I feel it. I haven't understood grace, or the fact that I am at best a wretched sinner and can't be like Christ on my own, not only as I have acknowledged on the big scale, but in the tiniest upsets or interactions..I need GRACE. I need it for myself and for others. I need to understand that I'm not a sinner because I sin, but I sin because I'm a sinner. It is a fatal disease, and until I leave this earthly vessel I will be struggling against it. The evidence of Christ in me is that I AM fighting.

I will let you know how it goes..praying big-time for Christ's intercession in every detail, and seeing myself fail in the meantime.. hold on for a bumpy ride as I say goodbye to legalism and learn to trust God with ALL of it..

In the meantime, I thoroughly recommend the aforementioned book. =)

Here I Am

2010-05-22T12:43:00.007-04:00

Hey blog friends! I just saw that is has been almost three months since I last wrote. It is beautiful here in Virginia..warm and breezy but not yet HOT hot.

I have been living downtown for about three months now and it has been good. I like waking up in this historic city and seeing all the VERY different people walk past my front porch. I live on the bottom half of a converted duplex. The house was built in the early 1900's and has some great original features, such as beautiful(after lots of cleaning and glossing) hardwood floors and high ceilings and huge sliding room separators/doors. The roof of the house has cute daisies tiled into it. I love being able to walk to the parks here, which are just at the end of my street. The architecture (when maintained) in this neighborhood is beautiful and makes me imagine all the different eras of people who have lived and loved in this city, walked these same streets as I do now.

There are definitely some shady characters close by. The next of our street is government subsidized housing. My roommate and I overheard from our front porch two men talking about an incident where one guy had been stupidly flashing his gun around. We haven't personally had any troubles with the neighborhood so far, and we can actually see the police precinct from our front windows,so it hasn't been too bad.

The reason I moved downtown was to be a part of the community my church is in. It takes me less than 3 minutes to get to the school where our Sunday services are held, and I am much closer to many of the congregation. While I have not been as great at hospitality as I had hoped, we have had some good times here and I love waking up "already here" as I was driving downtown so frequently when I lived in the West End of Richmond.

My walk with God hasn't been the best lately, because I just haven't *wanted* to spend time with the Lord, or think about what He wanted in my life. I was in what I feel is a mild depression, just generally grumbly and sad for no real reason other than the fact that I feel "less than" sometimes, because I recently turned thirty and do not have the career I want or the husband I desire or money or..you get the picture. I was not being satisfied in the Lord, who tells me that I have every good thing if I have Him. I am CHOSEN and loved..and yet I struggle with doubts and insecurity..it makes me really frustrated. I have been able to be open with the women in my community and have asked for prayer and I feel as though I am coming out of it. It's important not to isolate even when you feel like it, because you need people to speak truth into your life. The goal is a restored relationship and right view of who God is and who you are because of Him.

It was really brought into perspective for me last Sunday when a friend we have been reaching out to for about a year came to our church for the first time. He is of a different faith, and it would not be easy for him to come to Christ, but we have been praying it all the same. As I sat next to him and heard the words of LIFE being spoken clearly, the joy that welled up in my heart affirmed that THIS was true satisfaction. Seeing others reconciled to God through Christ's sacrifice and and substitutionary atonement. For him to come to Christ would be the ultimate joy..there was no need to feel upset about circumstances or shortcomings in my life because Christ is at work to bring life to the dead. And He lets me be a part of it. This is what life is about. The gospel.

If y'all could be praying for me, I would appreciate it. At the end of July, I am going with seven others from Aletheia Richmond (my church) to Port Au Prince, Haiti! We will be building concrete housing and running a Bible day camp for kids. Pray for God to prepare our hearts and the hearts of those with whom we will come into contact with. Pray for support needs to be met, and for this trip to change lives. I already know it will change mine. I hope all of you are doing well and resting in the fact that Jesus Christ is Lord over all. Love y'all. I will leave you with some recent pictures..

New Zebra Hat!! Been on a safari kick lately!

This park is in the heart of downtown Richmond, atop a hill that overlooks the city

My friends totally made me think they'd forgotten my birthday but they threw me a big Second Twenty-Ninth Birthday Surprise Party at my own house! Tricksters!!

We asked our friend to share his culture so he brought traditional food from his country and we wore the outfits he had brought us back from his last visit home! So much fun!

His Eye is On the Sparrow

2010-03-03T14:46:00.002-05:00

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Refrain:
I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.
Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

Civilla D. Martin

Scary Prayers, part three

2010-02-12T10:48:00.007-05:00

*For the full story, please read parts one and two*

We were finally talking about it! Oh, my Goodness!! And it wasn't even February yet. God was so good..he knew I would have been on pins and needles the whole time, waiting for this man to get up the nerve to come to me. I waited for his answer; scared, but excited. And it came..

"Well, as long as it is clear to you at least that I am not pursuing you."

Um..WHAT?

Ok, talk about your heart sinking into your shoes. I think mine hit the floor, crashed through the wood, and torpedoed into the couch in the basement. I felt numb, and kind of like I wasn't awake. This couldn't be happening. I forced myself to respond.

This was all via text message. He tried to call me, but my friends had people over so there was no place I could talk, and quite honestly, I didn't want to talk to him. I told him that it had been confusing. He asked what he could do or not do to clarify it. I decided it was now or never, so I told him that I did have feelings for him, that I thought he was an awesome godly man. I said that I wouldn't have chosen to like him ( never really been into younger men, plus he has lots of schooling ahead of him), that I did care for him. I also said that I would be ok because I wanted what God had for me.

He texted back and said that he didn't want to hurt me or mistreat my feelings. That he valued our friendship and wanted us to remain friends, which was why he was NOT pursuing me, because he is a "hard person to get along with". He said that he thinks we make great friends, but that we would not be compatible any other way.

I said "ok".

And I sat in silence on the couch with my best friend and another girl who was visiting. They asked what was going on, but I couldn't talk about it. I told my friend that I needed wine. Then I said, no, I don't want it. But then I changed my mind again. I thought maybe having a glass of wine would help me speak out loud the unspeakable devastation that I was feeling, the feeling of my world being turned upside down. So I had a glass of wine. And then I had three more. I got drunk. But I didn't cry. I honestly didn't mean to drink that much..I was trying to stop up the hole that was growing in my chest, trying to make sense of everything without losing my mind.

This was unthinkable! I couldn't even wrap my mind around it. I went to bed that night, and when I woke up, it was still true. He didn't want me.

I knew I would be okay..as in the fact that life goes on..yada yada yada. But it just didn't make sense. How could everyone we knew see us as a couple? Why was he the only one not on board? How could I have been so wrong about EVERYTHING?

I felt rejected. I felt..shipwrecked..like I had been sailing with a clear destination in mind, but this big storm came, sank my ship, and left me in a place I had never even wanted to visit. And there was no way back.

One thing sustained me.. God had answered my prayer! The very same day I prayed, God answered. So, it was the opposite of what I wanted. The fact remained. God was involved. He heard my prayer, His hand was on the situation.

I had asked God to take it away from me if it was hindering my relationship with HIM, the almighty Creator. And I know that it was. I thought about that man far more than I should have, and it affected everything. I wasn't in the Word as much, my prayer life SUCKED, and I wasn't worshiping God. I was worshiping the idol of a relationship. I couldn't help it. I really couldn't. It was not in me to love God fully when my thoughts were wrapped up in this man, although I tried and I prayed and I cried about it. I asked for strength, but I was never fully surrendered. I held on to the relationship with both hands, and God had to tear it away from me.

I am SO glad he did. Not because I think less of the guy. He is awesome and I love him dearly. But because I CAN'T do anything about it. God has clearly shown that He is in control. This is where I get to see God working. In my brokenness, I rejoice in His sovereignty. This is amazing! There is so much joy in realizing how inadequate I am in running my life..how undependable and treacherous my heart is..and how His faithfulness covers it all. He disciplines those He loves! How grateful am I to be counted among these!!!! I will most likely give an update in my next post, but what I want to leave you with is this..

I am where I want to be. I am drawing closer to God. I know Him better through this. He is good. I can trust Him. It is one thing to say with your mouth that you trust God. It is easy to say when things look great. But when they suck, when they are all going wrong, it is pure joy to be able to praise God!

I am being refined.

I am being made more into the likeness of Christ.

This is my heart's greatest desire.

It hurts.

33-36Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out.

Is there anyone around who can explain God?
Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
that God has to ask his advice?

Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;
Everything ends up in him.
Always glory! Always praise!
Yes. Yes. Yes.

Scary Prayers, part two

2010-02-12T10:23:00.004-05:00

*Please read the previous post below for part one of this story*

So.. January 31. I was praying about HIM again. This time it wasn't, God, please be first in my affections, but let me love him too. I knew that once February rolled around, I wouldn't be able to think about anything else, so I asked God to give him boldness to speak to me about "us", this secret word I had been treasuring in my heart for the past six or seven months. I had been good. During the time he had dedicated to the Lord, I did the best I could not to spend time alone with him. I had girls praying for both of us to have integrity and to put our relationships with God before any earthly relationship. But I will admit, that when his Facebook profile picture was of the two of us on a mountain with him reading to me out of the Bible, it thrilled me. When I found out that one of the elders at the church (his MENTOR, to whom he TALKED) had high hopes of us getting together, I knew I was golden. But I didn't let on to him. I'm sure he knew on some level, but we were just friends. Y'all, we have the SAME COUCH. I couldn't believe that it was all finally about to come together.

So, ok, I was praying. I prayed for him to talk to me about it, and I also prayed for God to take this relationship from me if it was detrimental to OUR relationship. Because, you know, God first. I didn't want a man at the expense of my relationship with God.

That night, he texted me. We texted back and forth for about an hour, and then, I said something that he took the wrong way. He said it sounded like something you would say to someone you were dating. I definitely didn't mean it in that context. He then said that maybe he was overreacting, it's just that someone from our church had asked him earlier in the week if he was pursuing me.

My heart stopped. Ok, maybe not, but I got really nervous. It was go time. So I wrote back, "People have asked me about you as well."

TO FIND OUT WHAT HE SAID NEXT, STAY TUNED..NEW POST COMING SOON!

Romans 11:33-36 (The Message)

33-36Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out.

Is there anyone around who can explain God?
Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
that God has to ask his advice?

Everything comes from him;
Everything happens through him;
Everything ends up in him.
Always glory! Always praise!
Yes. Yes. Yes.

Scary Prayers, part one

2010-02-08T22:18:00.002-05:00

Have you ever prayed a scary prayer? One that put your heart's desires and your sense of security at risk? On the last day of January I prayed such a prayer.

So I have been keeping it on the DL, but I have fallen hard for a man at church. Only my closest friends know (and they know EVERYTHING) that for the past 7 months or so this man has been on my mind and gradually earned a place as one of my dear friends.

Here's the catch (and with me there usually IS one)..he had taken a vow of NO DATING for an entire year. We started hanging out in May, I believe, and since early June my feelings for him have been growing. He is a Godly man, devoted to a life's pursuit of the Lord Jesus Christ. He has a missional heart, and I respect so much about him. He is also pre-med at a local university. He may or may not be four years younger than I am.

I knew he was unavailable until February of 2010, so this gave me the opportunity (forced me) to just be his friend. We have hung out so many times in the past 6 months, and the more I got to know him, the more I decided that he was "The One". There are certain aspects of his character I have been praying for God to mature, but all in all I could see us being a great team for God..we both want the same essential things in life, and though we argue like little kids at times, I knew with hard work and God at the center, that a relationship between us could work.

The only thing that kept nagging me was the fact that I thought about him SO much. I would be trying to pray, and I would start daydreaming about something he said to me (or the motorcycle ride we took in the country). I prayed and prayed for God to be first in my affections and my thought life, but it wasn't happening. Since I saw God moving in our relationship,(through answered prayer and different affirmations), I didn't crack down on it like I should have.

I confided in close, Godly women for help and advice. My friends told me to continue to pray about it, to be his friend, but not to get my hopes up. He showed interest, but I definitely read into things as well. I am a typical woman who likes to analyze EVERYTHING. We hung out almost every weekend (in groups).Eventually people started to ask me where he was when he wasn't at a function, and several people have asked if we were interested in each other (ok, more than several..like everyone who knows us). This really confirmed things for me. As his time grew closer that he would be able to date again, I was nervous, but I was also confident. He has said things to me that you don't say to "just a friend". He asked me to go to the movies (he had already seen the movie, and he forgot to invite anyone else). The way he looked at me sometimes..There were definite times when I felt him pulling away, but as a man who was supposed to be focusing solely on God, I knew he was just keeping himself in check. Even my friends were less guarded with their encouragement. I was getting excited, reading books on relationships and praying for God to bring us together.

So, back to the scary prayer part. As I said before, one thing had nagged me throughout this whole process. While I feel more ready for a healthy (finally) relationship( and I really do..I feel I have really realistic views of what love is now more so than I ever have before), I still spent the majority of my time thinking about him. So on January 31, I prayed a scary prayer. I asked God to give him boldness to speak to me about our relationship, and I also told God that if this relationship was hindering my relationship with HIM (God) that I needed him to take it away from me.

God answered. I will tell you how next time.. dunh dunh dunh

Still

2010-01-18T14:59:00.003-05:00

I am still living with friends. My new place will be ready soon, and I wonder what God has for me next. This has been an amazing couple months. I believe that God has grown me immensely through this time.

I LOVE my privacy. I love personal space. So it was not the easiest thing for me to pack all of my belongings and put them in storage, and squeeze the 'necessary" into one bedroom. I admit to being a bit depressed as the two week waiting period for the new place kept getting pushed back. Now, over two months later, I can say that I am thankful for this time.

I got a great opportunity to be a part of the Massie family. Chris and Julie took me in once before, when I first moved to Richmond, and they are so gracious and giving. I have gotten to know my "nephew" Spencer and I can say that I am pretty much in love. He is the funniest kid ever. I have had the chance to save some money, which has been a huge blessing. And I have gotten to see what it means to be a part of a family, not just worrying about my own agenda. It has been trying at times, but I love it. I will be sad to leave.

I am most likely going to be sharing my bedroom in the new place because I have a sister from church who needs a place to stay while she is waiting to move to the Dominican Republic to work with Haitian refugees in July. This will be a challenge also. I am excited about it. I want to be more like Jesus, and this is His way. To give of yourself.

It's been a couple months of me dealing with the loss of things. Loss of privacy, sleep (My room is next to the room of an adorable loud little baby), most of my CDs (my whole case is gone from my car), my entire set of keys fell in the snow before Christmas somewhere downtown..some little things, some not so little..led to a big pity party. I was not focused on others, just on me and my "don't haves". Couple that with the fact that I am doing all of this to move downtown to be closer to church and I have never lived in a truly urban place in my life.

WHAT AM I DOING? It's crossed my mind. All I can say is that through this time God has showed me that it's okay. It's okay to lose things that I feel I need. Life goes on. I am still here, and when I put my focus back on the Lord, on reaching out and loving others..I was absolutely fine!! I am not grumbling anymore. I am happy. I am content. This year is going to be an exciting one..

Philippians 4:12
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Oh..if you have time check out the page I created for my friend Bekkah..she is an amazing woman of God who needs some help getting to Uganda so that she can work with the orphans.

You put the chimi in chimichangas.

2009-11-21T22:47:00.004-05:00

I am in a transition process at the moment.. I have given up my beloved apartment in which I have lived for the past four years. I am now staying with one of my best friends and her family while I wait for my new place to be move-in ready,

I have decided that I want to move downtown..or rather that I don't feel a peace about staying in my comfort zone anymore. I am called to a church whose heart is the city of Richmond, and so I think it will be awesome to be more accessible to the community and my church family, many of whom are college students and live fairly close to my new place.

It will definitely be a big change. I will be living in a pretty sketchy part of town. I have been a suburbanite my whole life, and I truly prefer country peace to city clamor, but I know where God has called me for this season of my life, and that He will equip me to do every good work which he has prepared beforehand for me to walk in..so I am excited! I was scared for about a week, because honestly the house I am moving into hasn't been lived in for 4 years, and when my new downstairs duplex sharer (landlady) was showing me the place it was nighttime and she was looking into all the rooms for vagrants before we would go in. Wasn't exactly the best sell I've ever seen. She plans to do big renovations and make the place awesome, so I will just be excited for this new adventure and trust that God will see me through.

One thing God has been teaching me is the joy of living for His glory and setting myself aside as much as I can. You truly do need Christ at the center to have a balanced life. When it is all about Him (and it IS, so let me rephrase and say when we REALIZE it's all about Him) it takes so much pressure off of us..pressure to conform to the world's standards, to strive after what they call success, what they call beauty, what they call fulfilled. Because if they are so fulfilled, why are they so unhappy? Because we are only truly fulfilled in knowing and being known by God. When we are the center of our universe, we collapse under the weight.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I have been a little scattered lately: I guess moving does that to you; but my constant is God. I am glad that he never changes. Wherever I go, whatever my circumstances..he is the same.

Ok I am very sleepy and I have an early class at church in the morning so goodnight blogworld.

Please pray

2009-10-11T19:54:00.002-04:00

Hey friends I need your help. My dad was taking down a broken tree in the yard on Thursday and the trunk separated and fell on him, breaking his arm badly and possibly cracking his ribs. He had surgery Friday, and was supposed to be released Saturday. Unfortunately, now they think he has developed pneumonia.

My mom is a nurse and she says that happens sometimes when you are on all of the meds post surgery and your lungs aren't getting a ton of air cause you're laying down all of the time. Anyway, I just ask that you would pray for him to be healed quickly and that God would comfort him at this time..even drawing my dad into a more real relationship with Him. This is not my biological dad, but (thank God) he raised me. He is a good man and he always thinks of others. I am not sure about his relationship with God, but I get the feeling that being around three Christian women (my mom, my sister, and at long last me!) that he has given it some thought!

His name is Mike and I love him very much so please pray for my dad to get better soon! I have never seen him out of commission like this before so it's pretty scary! I also ask you to pray that he would not develop a dependency on pain medication..for some reason this has been on my heart. Love you all and I thank you for lifting my dad up in your prayers.

Home again

2009-08-22T16:03:00.003-04:00

There were great things about Greece. I got to meet a large group of extended family, I danced to Greek bazouki music at a christening party, I swam in pristine blue water, and I saw a 2500 year old temple. Aegina was gorgeous, although more dry than I expected. Greece has a definite Middle Eastern vibe to it, rather than European. It was not what I expected. I am grateful that I got to spend time with my family, but I was homesick a LOT. I am glad to be back on American soil. This truly is a great country.

Top ten reasons I am glad to be home:

1. My beach reading in Greece was "The Case for Faith". My stepmom's was "The God Delusion".

2. The primary religion in Greece is Greek Orthodox. This involves saint worship and has little to no impact on the way the people live their lives. It is idol worship and the people don't actually have a relationship with the Lord. My cousins were the godparents in a christening I attended there. They are not even slightly Christian. Religion there is just part of being Greek.

3. You can't flush toilet paper. The plumbing system can't handle it. You have to throw used toilet paper in the garbage.

4. The roads in Aegina are curvy and ascend and descend mountains. My dad was driving our rental car, which was a 1989-1990 Fiat Scudo mini-bus with a stick shift. There are not guard rails on the roads. We narrowly escaped death numerous times.

5. They have nothing but Greek food there.

6. I missed my church family terribly. I was surrounded by non-believers for two weeks straight, and it really made me sad. It was a great time to witness to them and pray for them, but the family I have that lives in Greece don't even speak English, so it was hard to have a conversation. Hopefully I planted some seed of truth among the lies that dictate the way my family lives their lives.

7. NOBODY spoke English.

8. EVERYBODY smokes. By the end of the vacation, cigarettes were starting to look good to me again, even though I haven't smoked in years. You get over the smell eventually, I guess, if you're around it long enough.

10. Oh, mercy, the time difference. 7 hours ahead over there. I have got some major jet lag.

As I reflect on my vacation, I know I was there for a reason. There were many things that went wrong while I was there..I really didn't have a great time. People were on edge, nothing went according to plan, my brother got an ear infection, our quad (four-wheeler) ran out of gas, our mini-bus had a dozen things go wrong, the maid left a cigarette in the toilet..etc. etc. There were moments of hilarity because if you didn't laugh, you'd cry. I had so many people praying for my family to know Christ that I know there was definite spiritual opposition going on. It was a reminder to me that these people I hardly ever see are greatly in need of the living God. Also, it calls me to pray for Aegina, an island full of people who need the Gospel.

As I transition back into my life here, with my church, and with my Bible study, I will not forget to pray for them. I am glad to be home, but I am reminded that this world is temporary, and that there are still so many things left to do! Being around no Christians made it painfully obvious that without Christ, there is NO hope. I really want to keep this with me as I go about my day to day.

Love y'all.

2009-08-22T14:36:00.004-04:00

The past two weeks were spent driving from VA to NY, taking a plane to Athens, and then a boat to the island of Aegina, which is where my father grew up. Greece is beautiful, but I am glad to be back!!

Like an Indian summer, but no Indians..well..maybe one..

2009-08-04T21:32:00.010-04:00

This summer has been one of the best I can remember. I have been involved in a Biblical community in a way that I have longed for..a group of friends that is there for each other..doing life TOGETHER. I am humbled and inspired by these people because every minute of every day is devoted to honoring God..whether we are bowling, having a cookout, playing a game of softball, whatever.. God is the focus. Bringing people in to a family of believers to encourage them daily is what my church emphasizes. It has been a huge blessing to me. I am growing (and not without growing pains..change is not my favorite thing) and being challenged to walk the walk ALL the time.. I know I haven't been writing on a regular basis but please know that I miss you all! I just wanted to share some fun pics from the past couple months..

This is when we scored big with 1 dollar game night at a place cleverly named "The Bowling Alley".

On July 19, I got baptized in the James River in downtown Richmond at a park called Belle Isle. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, and it was beautiful to gather with my church family, my friends and my parents to show my dedication to Jesus. Also, they had a surprise for me. Instead of the pastor baptizing me, they secretly asked my friend Trent to do it. It was an awesome, awesome day.

We took a trip to DC the day before the baptism..not a huge thing for me since I grew up there but it was fun to go with my friends! One of my friends is obsessed with the metro. We played games while we were waiting for the trains and entertained the other passengers.

And we went for a hike in the mountains..

There have been some sad changes, too. My coleader Tuesday nights moved last weekend and I actually was presented with the opportunity to colead a small group for my church. So, with sadness, I will end my work-based Bible study, but with joy I will continue teaching women about the Lord. The best part is that it will still be on the same night, and hopefully I will have some of the same women attend the new Bible study. Then they will be able to meet the girls from church and form great, godly friendships and have accountability. The next pics are from our last night together. We went to Maggianos and when we came out there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky.

I am getting ready to go on vacation. When I get back, summer will be mostly over. I am almost sad that I will miss the rest of the fun times, but I know this vacation will be awesome.Please pray for me to be able to be a witness to my unsaved family members and to be able to really use my free time to be in the Word. I will tell you where I went when I get back! And..there will be more pictures, I'm sure! Thanks for letting me share my summer with you! How is yours going?

The hope of glory..

2009-07-11T19:26:00.002-04:00

Colossians 1:27
To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

I look for outward signs of God to manifest themselves, so that my faith may be strengthened. The physical protection from harm and the barriers from disappointment and sadness. Sometimes they are there, and sometimes I am left wondering why the heck God isn't doing more. Yes, I do. I get mad. Even though I know that God doesn't owe me anything, I still feel like "people" who love you should look out for you. So it's hard for me to feel like praising when I am in a situation that seems like it's never going to change, or if it does, it will be for the worse.

Believing God is not my strongest virtue. I tend to pray and then I am surprised when prayers are answered in obvious ways, but not surprised at all when I don't see the answer I was looking for.

So I have been a little down lately, just involving life, work, and relationships..but then I realize that I do have hope..and it IS evident. Christ is IN me. My reactions to the things that get me down are so different than what they were even a year ago. Honestly, I can say that I am leaning on the Lord, even though I am hurt (and upset with God). I know that he is the only One that I can trust. Not alcohol, not men, not complaining. This is a joy to me..a quiet joy that doesn't come with a smile, because I am still sad..but it is boostering my faith and giving me the strength to serve God and praise Him because this is "Christ in me, the hope of glory" that is proof that one day I will be face to face with Jesus.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

2009-07-05T22:44:00.003-04:00

Jesus

There are times when I cry because I long to see you face to face so badly that I don't want to wait another day.

There are times when I turn to other things to fill the space that belongs only to You.

My deepest desire is that I would desire You above all else..so much that letting go of earthly things would not seem so catastrophic.

My soul yearns to sit at Your feet and just breathe You in..until something catches my eye and I turn my face from You.

God, grant me a disciplined heart and a reigned-in mind. Take my life and make it into something useful. Give me a true and trustworthy perspective, and discernment to choose as you want me to. I trust you with my life, and God with my death. Every breath I breathe is worthless unless I am breathing for you. Move, God! Act, God. Cause me to act in a manner that brings nothing but glory to Your name. Call me to action, and give me the boldness to follow.

Jesus, be the reason I smile in the morning, the patience in my interaction with others, the hand that rises up to supply the needs in Your body. Give me a fire that never goes out, an undying passion for You and Your word, a heart that is perpetually broken for the lost, the sick, and the hungry.

In your wholly holy and unblemished Name.

In other news..

2009-05-26T23:21:00.002-04:00

I lost 12 pounds in the last month following the FREE Sparkpeople.com plan! I have been exercising at least 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes..and I am keeping withing a certain calorie/fat/etc. range. It is still a day by day process, especially keeping up with the exercise, because most days I definitely want to sleep in just a little longer..but..I want to be the best me I can be, so it is worth it to stick to this thing!

Bible study is on its 3rd week, and we have about 4 other girls who are committed to coming. Please pray that God would be at work in each one of our lives calling us to know Him better! Also, that I would have great will power because someone always thinks it's a great idea to bring baked goods. Next week I believe there will be a seven layer nacho dip. I think I may call out sick..oh wait, it's at my house. Shoot.

Church is going well..I really love the people there, I have never been around such an authentic, loving family of believers. They take very seriously the call to be a community in the body of Christ. I don't know if I will stay in at this church or even in Richmond for too much longer..I don't know where God will call me next, but for right now I am enjoying this season of my walk with the Lord.

I know many battles and obstacles lie ahead for me. For anyone who seriously follows Christ, opposition is sure to come. I don't believe my life will ever be "easy", but I wouldn't trade knowing God for anything else. He is everything. Help me to remember that tomorrow, Lord, when I am frustrated with people who don't tip, or when that guy at work basically calls me an idiot for believing in You. Jesus, move me. I don't want to be complacent. Take me where I can be of use. Bring hurting people to me so that I can point to you. You are the healer and the sustainer of the human race, of the earth. I humble myself before you , God, and I pray that you would use me.

Yeah, I cook.

2009-05-23T21:32:00.002-04:00

A healthy barbecue recipe for Memorial Day! I tried this for the first time yesterday and I think it is really good!

BBQ Mango Chicken

Ingredients

- 2 lbs of Chicken Breasts (I use Tyson 99% Fat Free boneless skinless to reduce calories and fat while increasing protien)
- 6 to 8 tbsp of BBQ sauce (I like KC Masterpiece, low cal and good flavor)
- 4 oz of Mango Puree (To ease use and control amount of cal I used the Beechnut baby food, one jar is all you need)
- 2/3 tbsp Garlic Powder
- Optional Dash of Bread Crumbs (for on top)

Nutritional Info

Fat: 0.7g
Carbohydrates: 11.3g
Calories:149.9
Protein: 25.5g

Preheat the oven for 375 degrees.

First mix the BBQ sauce, garlic powder, and puree mango (I use the magic bullet mixer)
Pour a third of the sauce into a baking dish.

Cut the chicken into 4 oz pieces (8 servings) and place into baking dish. Cover with sauce (I always seem to have an ounce or so left over). Sprinkle bread crumbs if desired and place inteh oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until throughly cooked.

Enjoy with corn or baked beans to round out the meal!

Number of Servings: 8

Kittens inspired by Kittens

2009-05-14T12:45:00.000-04:00

Help!

2009-05-11T19:10:00.002-04:00

Our Tuesday night Bible study is starting back up tomorrow, and I am very nervous because although many have been invited, the response has been pretty wishy-washy. We had tons of yeses, but when it gets down to it I am afraid it's just going to be myself, Heather, and Tiffany. Two leaders and one who might as well be.

I remember how hard it was to get started when I became a Christian. It knew it was the right thing to do, and that it was the only way to stop hurting all of the time. I also remember that I knew that change was coming, and I did NOT want to let go of life as I knew it, even though I knew it was impossible to keep going the way I was. Change is scary. So I understand that the girls who are thinking about getting to know God may have some reservations and some fears.

This is where you come in. Will you pray for God to work mightily, miraculously even, to bring them to a place where they will know the Creator personally? If you could pray tonight, tomorrow, that they would have a strong urge and compulsion to come to the Esther Bible study, within God's will for them to be there, I would so greatly appreciate it. Also, please pray for Heather and I to be able to lead them with integrity and that we would rely on God and not on ourselves to help these women know Christ.

Thank you. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Walking the Walk

2009-05-03T12:37:00.003-04:00

1 Peter 4:7-11

7The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen

Today at church we talked about hospitality..that even when we are tired and feel like just hiding away, we are to show others the love of Christ by inviting them into our lives, and into our homes. I love my alone time, but I know that it would be a huge blessing(for me) to reach out to others purposefully and "do life" with them. Even if we're not close. God puts people into our lives for a reason. I want to be able to carry out this commandment to show hospitality.

I am thinking about just having a movie night or a game night to start. We'll be having Bible study at my place this session (so like 10 weeks), so that will definitely help me get used to having people over consistently.

Something else Josh (pastor) said was that he was convicted that he lives in an 6 apartment building, and he has never invited any of his neighbors in. I haven't had my neighbors over either and I've lived in my neighborhood for three and a half years. I guess I just don't feel like we have much in common.

We as a church have committed to pray that we would make a concentrated effort to show hospitality to both believers and unbelievers in our community. I am always a bit apprehensive when I get nudged out of my comfort zone..but it is always worth it. Always.

Let's get...

2009-04-23T12:33:00.004-04:00

I have really been eating badly for the past few months, and it is past time that I did something about my health. Today I joined "SparkPeople", which is a free online site that helps you set fitness/weight loss goals and track your progress. They also have recipes, meal plans and exercise tools..all free! I will probably tweak some things because I am a big fan of natural, unprocessed food, so I probably won't be doing a ton of packaged Lean Cuisine type meals. All in all, I am very excited to get started. Today I went to the park and walked four big laps around the circular drive..and I even ran a little! I brought my MP3 player and listened to a sermon I had downloaded..it really kept my mind off the fact that I was exercising and made the time pass quickly. If any of you have been thinking it's time to get active and make better choices for your health, you can look at the website here, and decide if it sounds like something you would be interested in. Happy Thursday!

Apparently I was too young to remember that this video is a bit inappropriate, but in keeping with today's post:

Olivia Newton-John, everyone!

New Kid On the Block

2009-04-22T22:24:00.002-04:00

If you have a minute, stop by and say hi to my friend Julie. She's new to blogging but I always enjoy reading something she writes! She is one of my closest friends and has encouraged me greatly in my walk with God. I love to be able to introduce her to the awesome friends I have made! Love you guys!

Be Jealous..

2009-04-21T08:44:00.002-04:00

We have finished up our study on Romans 12 and are going out to Carrabba's tonight to have a wrap-up celebration dinner! I heart Carrabba's! I will try to save you some, but no promises!

It's My One Year Blog-A-Versary

2009-04-17T19:25:00.002-04:00

I have enjoyed meeting each one of you and getting to know you better and know God better through your writing, which always touches my heart and sometimes makes me laugh out loud. Here's to another year of learning and laughing together as we follow our Great King! Thank you for contributing to my life in so many ways!

Meanwhile, here in Richmond..

2009-04-13T20:47:00.004-04:00

I have the night off..I have been playing a lot of Pathwords on Facebook recently, which has been detrimental to my blogging. I miss all of the friends I have on here. It has been a whirlwind past few weeks. I have either had visitors or been out of town on the weekends, and the rest of the time I am working or hanging out friends. There hasn't been a whole ton of down time.

That said, I also haven't really felt the urge to write. Maybe now that my fast is over I will be back to normal! I gave up soda and complaining (the fast coincided with Lent) and I also committed to pray specifically for 10 people each day, being very detailed in my requests for that person's spiritual well being. I have already seen results in people coming to church and in conversations that have happened during the past forty days. I did okay on the not complaining, but by no means would I say that I was able to uphold my fast in that area. I did curb the grumbling, but it made me realize just how much I express dissatisfaction. It's not pretty.

I am thinking about getting baptized (I was baptized when I was 3 in the Catholic church), but I really want to have a deep understanding and desire to do it before I take the plunge (hee hee). What has getting baptized meant to you? I know that it has nothing to do with being saved, but rather is an outward sign of commitment and symbolic of being born again. I know that Jesus thought it was important enough to do it. SO...I need to mull it over some more.

Bible study is going well..we are doing our last session in the Romans 12 study (taught by Chip Ingram) tomorrow and then will have a dinner to celebrate the completion of (over)ten weeks of this session. It has been great, and I feel as though I have come out of it changed and more knowledgeable of what it means to live as a Christian. Next up will be a study of Esther, which I won from the Lifeway All Access Blog over Thanksgiving, when I was really pessimistic about the viability of our group. People kept backing out and I thought maybe it had been a mistake to try and lead a Bible study. Two days later I won this awesome leader kit complete with videos (and it's Beth Moore, so you know it's going to rock), and it was such an affirmation that I was supposed to persevere. I can't wait to start the Esther series, although I will miss Chip, who is also an awesomely gifted teacher.

Other than that, nothing much new here. I may or may not be a year older now. I am loving LOST, and I have been procrastinating on writing my book, but I know that it will be coming along soon!

I will leave you with this last thought..
Colossians 1:24-27
24Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. 27To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

This is the passage we studied at the Women's Leadership Weekend I attended with the girls from church. I had never thought of it like this, but the Holy Spirit is a deposit of our inheritance..the true proof that all that God says is true..if we are convicted in ways we weren't before..when we aren't able to sit in our sin anymore..that is the proof that Jesus is working in us. It is the "hope of glory". It is the promise that we will be glorified one day with Jesus, and we will not have to struggle anymore. For now, while we are still here in this fallen world, to know that God is residing in us may be the only thing that keeps us going. I am so glad I have that hope..and it is not hope like "I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow". This hope means we can keep going because we know that our future is secure in the hands of the one whom we have placed that hope in! Yay God!

2009-03-24T22:27:00.002-04:00

Bible study tonight was rough.

I have issues with Happy, Healthy, Wealthy philosophies. I don't really think that God calls everyone to have good health, money, and easy times when they become Christians.

I went to a conference with Heather on Friday. The speaker was Creflo Dollar. I was a bit leary of him because I was afraid it was just going to be a show, but he was a good speaker. I was a little amused when he shouted "Somebody say power" and "Say Hallelujah twice". Whatever. I may not be used to it, but there is nothing wrong with being demonstrative. It was when he said "Turn to your neighbor and say 'I'll never be broke another day in my life'" that I got my feathers a little ruffled. He is obviously a devoted servant of the Lord, but that part did NOT sit well with me.

I expressed that I didn't agree with that to Heather and her mom, and while they agreed that not everyone was called to be wealthy, they did agree that God wants to bless his people financially. I just don't know how I feel about that. I agree with this verse out of Proverbs 30:

8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread

I feel that it takes a lot of spiritual maturity to handle having money without it damaging your relationship with God, and I honestly at this point in my life want desperately to never forget from whom my help comes from.

I know that God blesses and protects his children. I don't always think it is monetarily. I know that Paul was a man after God's heart, and that he lived a life full of danger and severe persecution. I envy his relationship with and his dedication to serving God.

Heather, Tiffany and I were the only ones at Bible study tonight, and Tiffany asked about the Creflo Dollar conference, and I told her that I liked it, and that he was funny, but that I wasn't sure I agreed with everything he said. Heather got frustrated with me because she knew that part of my hesitation came from a conversation that I had with my friend Julie the day after the conference, and Julie kind of affirmed what I was feeling about the money issue. That doesn't mean that she's right or that I'm right.

Maybe I don't have enough faith in God. Maybe I feel like I am not spiritual if I have money when so many others don't, or that I want to have a relationship with God where it doesn't matter what I have as long as I am living in his will. All I know is that I got very defensive and I really wanted to walk out when we were talking tonight because I felt a little ganged up on (Tiffany was agreeing with Heather).

I will be in the Scriptures about it, and just to let you know, we were able to get past being confrontational. I am open to revising my way of thinking if it means living God's best for my life. I know that God's best is not what the world would call "best". I pray that God would open my eyes and direct me to his heart on this matter.

I feel giddy...

2009-03-22T11:44:00.011-04:00

On Wednesday night my friend and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert at the Richmond Coliseum. The opening act was a group called the Jabbawockeez..they were about eight guys with white drama masks on who did combination street/breakdancing routines. Apparently they debuted on America's Best Dance Crew and won, and now they are touring across the country. There were mildly humorous aspects to their performance, such as when a bunch of guys with white masks did Beyonce's "Single Ladies", or when they did "PYT" by Michael Jackson, but they weren't singing and there was a lot of dancing with a mop, which I could have skipped.
Here's a clip of them doing Beyonce:

My best friend Julie and I..so excited to be in the same room as Joey Joe and Donnie Wahlberg..When I first got there I was surprised to see such an eclectic group of fans..young and old, many sporting New Kids T-shirts or dressed in eighties' attire (Julie tried to make me, but I wasn't having it). Some women were pretty dressed up, as if they were reuniting with long lost boyfriends instead of going to sit in sticky auditorium seats. It was a good day to be people-watching.

I was gettin impatient as I had to sit through the opening act..kind of feeling as though maybe this would be a waste of time. And then..finally..the music for the New Kids started throbbing, and I was a kid all over again. I raised my voice in unison with thousands of other women as we saw the men who had captured our hearts twenty years ago. That dormant love swelled, and we were swept away as five boys who were now men turned and smiled, and then began singing some crazy new songs that were a little inappropriate.

Julie and I screamed crazy things like "I love you, Donnie" and danced and just had a great time full of general tomfoolery. They still know how to get a crowd going, and we all went crazy when they did their old stuff, such as "Step by Step" and "The Right Stuff". It was cool to see 40 year old men pretend like they still had it goin' on..but you know what..they kind of did! The concert ended on one of the newer songs, and after they said goodbye, we all just stood there, waiting. They hadn't performed their most popular song, and it would be a huge let down to leave without hearing it. So, of course, the music started bassing again and out they came in Celtics Jerseys to do "Hanging tough". They rocked it out and I can honestly say it was one of the most fun times I have had in quite a while.

Hangin' Tough:

I have to warn you..it's pretty loud!

The euphoria has worn off a bit..but I loved it!

Just wanted to let you know..

2009-03-18T17:11:00.002-04:00

I really enjoyed reading all of your comments from my last post. Each one of you gave me a different aspect to reflect on. Thank you! I will be back to writing real posts sometime soon..don't have the time today because I need to be getting ready for a concert..New Kids on the Block! I am only excited because I am going to see it with my bestest, Julie. We went to their concert in 1990 (she'll tell you it was 89), and we were absolutely crazy about them. I, in particular, loved Joey McIntyre. I dreamed a few nights ago that I met him and he was really old and missing teeth..so hopefully, he'll look a little better in reality! I will try to take some pics! I hope everyone is having a good week!

Advice, please!

2009-03-03T22:44:00.003-05:00

I would love your input. Here are some questions I have been pondering over. I know that God is infinitely wise, and that Jesus was the fullness of God in human flesh. So when he was talking to people, he was doing it with full knowledge of how people respond to certain ways of speaking, and he always spoke truth. Many peoples' lives were changed when they met him. Others wanted to kill him. I want to study more how Jesus acted and spoke, so that I can emulate him in my relationships with others. These are some things my friend Tiffany and I were speaking about after Bible study tonight, as we discussed how frustrating it can be to try to lead others to know God. If you have any advice or wisdom, throw it out there! Thanks!

How did Jesus relate to people?

In what ways can I be more like Christ when trying to form relationships with others?

How do we talk to people about God without making them uncomfortable and guilty?

What has worked for you? What has God showed you that has made it easier for you to reach people?

If I leaned on my own understanding, I'd be on the floor alot

2009-02-23T22:43:00.002-05:00

The Saga Continues..

So, my weekend was fun. I installed a new hard drive in my computer because the old one crashed, and by the way, I may not be able to access my pictures, music, or the first few pages of the book I am working on.

On Friday night a friend of mine/coworker had a gig playing his guitar and singing at a local bar/restaurant. I seldom go out with the crew from work, but I love music and I wanted to show support, so I went. Babs from my Bible study went with me, and we had a fun time talking, laughing, and listening to some pretty good music. They played a decent mix, most songs that I've heard, and some original music that my friend Steve actually wrote himself. The show was early (six-ish) so my coworkers started trickling in around six-thirty or seven. My friend whom I have written about before came. He came over and sat with me and Babs. I knew he would be there, but I also knew that he was seeing someone and I thought he was bringing her. Apparently they were fighting so she didn't come. She used to work with me a couple years ago, but he didn't meet her until after she had quit, probably through mutual friends. They have been seeing each other for a couple weeks. About an hour and a half after he got there, she came. And sat with us. And I felt awkward. Because he told me last week that maybe she could be his intermittent girlfriend, since he wasn't ready to live a completely Christian life. I told him, no thanks. Yeah, he's a winner.

Anyway, we made small talk, and she said that he had told her that maybe we could all go to church together, but he was working this weekend. So, I told her that she could come with me if she wanted to. I didn't really have any desire whatsoever to hang out with her, but I am not going to stand in the way of someone getting to know God. She said she would like to and I gave her my number. By this time, my guy friend had had too much to drink and I felt like he was being a little disrespectful to her because he was acting weird towards me, like getting mad when I was leaving, and then asking me repeatedly (with his hands on my waist, right in front of her) to come back to his house to play poker with everyone. It was really uncomfortable, and I could tell she wasn't thrilled. I went home and got into bed, thanking God that I was under his protection, and that I no longer had to be a part of that world where I was so desperate that I would do anything to fill the void. I am not empty anymore. Praise God.

Saturday I went down to Blackstone, VA to see my friend Angie's new coffee shop. It is absolutely gorgeous and I wish I had remembered to bring my camera. Angie's sister-in-law, Tiffany and I are friends and we rode down together. Tiffany is in my Tuesday night Bible study, but this is the first time we've ever hung out alone. We had a great time! We ended up spending the whole day together and we had some really good talks. We want to do a joint fast where three of us choose something to either give up or do for 40 days. The purpose would be for God to work in the hearts of specific people who are dear to us. Not that we don't want everyone to be saved, but God certainly tugs at our hearts concerning some people in our lives. I am excited about this, and I can't wait to see how God is going to be working. I have had some very obvious answer to prayer lately, and that always encourages me to keep praying.

Sunday: watched an episode of Monk with my best friend Julie while her husband tried to find files from my old hard drive. He is still working on it. Hopefully. Then, went to church with guy friend's girlfriend. I had a pretty bad attitude about it, like why is God's sense of humor so messed up? I got to know her a little better on the ride to church, and it seems as though she has matured some since we worked together. She has almost no church background, so the fact that she was willing to go with me was pretty cool. I have to tell you that it was only by God's grace that I was able to put my personal feelings aside and want her to know the Lord more than I wanted to not be around her. As I sang worship songs in a darkened auditorium next to a girl that I shouldn't be able to love, I knew my strength was coming from the Lord. It was am amazing feeling. It was a surrendered feeling. It was my soul saying yes to God and no to my selfishness. It filled me with a quiet, peaceful joy. It was freeing. I know I may sound a little dramatic, but if you how much I have struggled to get over liking this guy, you would understand why hanging with his girlfriend might be pretty hard for me.

She seemed to like the service, and..she wants to start coming to MY Tuesday night Bible study. She's going to the church's Bible study on Thursday night. I won't be able to come because I'll be working. So, if she starts coming to church regularly, I will be seeing her (and maybe him on Sundays) three times. A week. Heaven help me.

May I be willing to be used by God even when I flat-out don't feel like it. And especially when I don't understand. Because I would have NEVER chosen for things to be turning out this way..but if this is His way, I'm in. We serve an awesome God.

Just a thought.

2009-02-23T09:39:00.000-05:00

What is the difference between immorality and immortality?
The t.

Praise Him!

2009-02-21T23:18:00.000-05:00

Love, Factually pt.2

2009-02-14T10:24:00.001-05:00

Isaiah 42
The Servant of the Lord
1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him
and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.

3 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

4 he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands will put their hope."

5 This is what God the LORD says—
he who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it:

6 "I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,

7 to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

8 "I am the LORD; that is my name!
I will not give my glory to another
or my praise to idols.

9 See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you."

God is Worthy

2009-02-08T21:47:00.003-05:00

God is pouring out new friendships on me. The women at my new church are so friendly and I have done a Super Bowl party, a Bible study, coffee, and an early morning prayer time this week. It has really helped me to get my mind off of relationships I shouldn't be in, and I am loving being around these girls. They are truly followers of God and I am so blessed to be getting to know them.

I saw Fireproof last night for the first time. A girl from work has recently begun attending church regularly, and she invited me to her church for dinner and movie night. It was fun, although I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Maybe cause I'm not married and facing all those issues.

Please pray for the girls in my Tuesday night Bible study. The new believers are shying away as we talk about issues such as homosexuality, right and wrong, and sexual immorality. There are some lifestyles taking place that are not in line with God's word, and I am afraid that they are being turned off by understanding that they may have to change. I do not want to water down God's word, but instead love them through their questions and struggles without compromising truth. It is a hard balance, but in the end it is their decision to make, not mine. Please pray that they would understand who God is and why they should follow him, no matter if it's difficult or not. Please pray that Heather and I would have the words to speak to them, and that we as leaders would seek wisdom from the Lord constantly.

If you need prayer for anything, please let me know, I would love to pray for you!

Hebrews 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Bada Bing, Bada Boom

2009-01-27T18:14:00.002-05:00

I was in a car accident on the way to work this morning. It was icy out, but that doesn't explain me running a red light. I guess I saw the turn signal light change to green, and maybe I was daydreaming a bit..but I clipped the back of a black SUV as it was making a left-hand turn.

It took a couple seconds for it to register that I had run the light..at first I was upset because I thought it was his fault..why was he turning? I realized that as I was going through the intersection..my light was red.

This was hard to deal with because I am a pretty cautious driver. I have never before caused a serious accident.. although I had a couple fender benders when I was younger. The feeling of shame was pretty strong as I made a u-turn and pulled up behind the man whose car I had hit. He was standing in the street talking on his
cell.

I got out of the car, ready to own up to my responsibility. He looked at me, hung up the phone, and then he asked me if I was okay. I said I was, he said he was fine, and then I asked him if my light had been green. He said no. He looked at the rear of his car and said that it didn't even looked damaged, and he didn't take my information or anything. He had compassion on me, and he was the kindest person I could have ever hoped to hit ( I have to find humor somewhere). My eyes filled with tears and I said "God is good." Maybe he was a Christian, maybe not, but God was speaking his love all over me through the kindness of this man. I drove to work sobbing from gratefulness. It could have been so much worse- and I would have deserved to face the consequences.

I find it non-coincidental that I prayed this from Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word" this morning:

"Father, help me to clothe myself with humility towards others, because You oppose the proud but give grace to the humble.(1 Peter 5:5) I will never live a day that I am not in need of Your grace, so please help me maintain an attitude that welcomes it."

Wow did I get shown grace today. It is an awful feeling to know that you have done someone else harm, no matter how unintentional. I cannot explain how it moves me that I was let off the hook, simply because of what was in that man's heart. It is but a small example of the grace God shows me every day..even when I don't think I need it. I think I will be more appreciative of it: more aware of it after this.

I went to the grocery store after being told to take the day off from work, as I looked like I had been puffing the ganja because my eyes were all red from crying. I was still, am still, a little weepy about what happened today. I stopped by Trader Joe's to pick up some stuff for the empty fridge, and while I was checking out the lady at the register asked me how my day was.

"Pretty good", I told her. It was the truth. God's love was so evident that it made a bad situation not so bad. She pushed it and asked me what I was up to today, so I told her about what had happened. She was very sweet and told me how lucky I was. I gave God a little credit. As I was signing the credit card screen, she told me to hold on. I thought it was a little strange that she was leaving the register, but who was I to argue?

She came back with a bouquet of roses and lilies and handed them to me. I almost cried right there in the store. She said she was sorry I had been in an accident.

That's God. I don't deserve kindness, or sympathy, or flowers. I deserve to have higher insurance. I could have hurt someone. God gave me forgiveness. And then he gave me flowers. That's a God I want more of.

>IDK<

2009-01-23T15:50:00.005-05:00

Surely God will see me through.

When I feel like I am dealing with garbage being thrown at me from every which way, I can believe that I will be buried in it, or that I will be able to walk away with my head held high.

God is letting me go through this dark time of temptation so that I can choose him. I have a chance to see what it is like to have victory over my flesh! God is growing me. This is an experience that I can draw on in times to come. I have been looking at this situation as if I were already defeated..but I can hold God's hand and come out stronger than ever.

What are you going through right now that you have accepted in your life? You know it's not God's best, but it's "ok for now"? See it for what it is..playing with fire.

God does not want you to settle for mediocre, and he doesn't want half of your devotion or effort. Give Him everything so that he can give you all that he has for you.

I come to you, Father, in repentance, for lusting after what the world has to offer. I ask you to restore me to a place where my heart is aligned with yours, that your dreams may be my dreams, and your boundaries a safe place that I may take comfort in. Teach me to lean wholly on you. I thank you that you discipline those who love you, God. I need your discipline so badly, God. Thank you that you do not leave me to sit comfortably in my sin. I thank you for the unrest that you have caused in me lately. It is physically painful to be separate from you. Thank you for loving me so very much. Help me God, to push through the feelings of loneliness and to see a future that you will cause to prosper if only I will walk in your footsteps. Help me, God, to choose life, and not the ways that lead to death. In the name of the One and Only, my Lord, my love, Jesus. Yeshua.

Blah Blah Blah

2009-01-17T21:59:00.002-05:00

I am having a rough week..because I am not letting God be there for me when I am lonely. Ok, so the two of you who have been reading for a while know that I was dealing with strong feelings for this stupid guy at work. Well, we hadn't talked really for about two months, and then when I thought I was over it I started letting him back in..just a little..because I really do care about him having a relationship with God.

We began talking again, but it was hard because at work they always are expecting you to be..well, working. So, I said, (brilliantly) "Next time you feel like buying me coffee we can talk". As soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn't go. Of course, he said he was free that night and so off we went.

We talked for about an hour and a half, and I felt like it was a good thing that he was thinking about God the way he was. He still was having some issues with the whole "life is so boring when you're a Christian" thing that he experienced when he tried being "religious" a few years ago. He stuck with it for about three years and then went back to drinking, partying, and doing whatever he wanted. He has other issues with giving up the lifestyle he is living, but I feel like he will eventually do it. I hope that he does.

Anyway, blah blah blah on the way back to his house he told me that there was something very attractive about me but he hadn't pursued me because he thought that he would let me down..either I would get to know him and not like him or he would do something to screw things up. I told him that I agreed. He would let me down. He doesn't make good decisions for himself, so how could he treat me right? He especially wouldn't know how a relationship should really be because he doesn't follow God.

I told him that I had had a big crush on him and then I said over and over "ok, I have to go home now. Oh my gosh. I have to go. Ok. Gotta go." It was kind of funny, but I was blushing alot. I told him that there could never be anything between us.

He told me to stop blushing, that we were both adults and that he didn't want this to make things weird between us because he felt that I was the only person he could really be himself around..because I know his bad side and I care anyway, but I know the vulnerable side that he doesn't let many people see. Is that a crock? I don't know.

Soooo...I didn't see him the rest of the weekend because I was off of work, and when I came back on Monday morning, he asked if I wanted to hang out that night. I had to work. He asked me out again on Thursday..not as in a date, but he just wanted to hang out. I said no. I was mad because he asked for Babs'(girl at work in my Bible study) sister's number. Yep, good old fashioned jealousy for a guy I won't let touch me. And I couldn't say anything because I have no reason to get mad.

He came with me to try out a new church last Sunday. It was nice to do that with him..to actually bring him into contact with people who love God (he grew up Catholic, so hasn't had much in the way of a personal relationship). We had a good time, and I really like the church, so that's a bonus. Then we went back to his house where he made me tea and I got to meet his roommate and tried not to cringe every time a curse word came out.

We hung out Monday after work. We went to Barnes and Noble so that he could teach me to play chess, and then this other guy from work called him and said he was on his way to his apartment, so we went back there to meet him. There was nothing terrible going on, but the other guy was really drunk and we started playing spades, and everyone else was drinking. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach the whole time, and I left as soon as I could without being rude. I felt God telling me to get out, and I had trouble sleeping for the whole work week.

I know that this is a well-timed attack..we just started a new Bible study that is going to be amazing, and I am trying my hand at writing a book. My life could be going in an awesome direction. I guess maybe I am overwhelmed, new church, new career possibilities..it just feels as though everything is changing. I am surprised at how easy it would be for me to fall, although I shouldn't be. I have been doing well with this whole no man thing, but before I was a Christian, that was a big issue for me. I always needed a man to make me feel worthwhile. I know that I have to choose between what God is holding out to me and the crap that Satan is offering. I just didn't expect it to suck so much! Wow I am still so sinful! And the stupid thing is I think he is ok with being close friends because he can just hook up with someone else. I have no other men in my life, so it's harder for me to be just friends.

I have been upset because I can't sleep, and it is making me feel a little crazy! Here's my dilemma: I want to be friends with this guy! I want him to know he is cared about! But how do I keep myself from liking him? I am begging God to give me an obedient heart. Please pray for me and for him! I have slept fine since I haven't been at work but I am worried that once I go back I will have issues again so please go to battle for me! I feel as though God has made it plain that this is serious. I will be in trouble if I don't surrender this relationship to him. I need help! I am almost at the point where I feel like I should quit because it is too much for me to deal with. How can I be there for him without crossing the line? Especially cause I kind of want to.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for being a valued guest at my pity party. Why can't I just cry to my diary like a normal crazy person? Am I back to the self-destructive behavior that I have battled with before? Do I see something good coming, and tear it down before I can screw it up? Am I asking a lot of rhetorical questions? Alright, Self-Analysis 101 is adjourned for now. Thanks for listening.

Love Song

2009-01-10T00:00:00.002-05:00

I finally read the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It talks about letting God romance you, and it says to ask God to show you ways he is loving you, things he wants to show us to convey how very beloved we are. Today I was on iTunes and they have a "genius" feature that shows you artists that you would probably like based on your current music. Dave Barnes was someone I had never heard of, but I listened to one of his songs and I really liked his voice so I went onto MySpace and listened to more of his songs. I heard one that made me cry because it sounded like what God would say, although this artist was not a Christian artist as far as I knew. When I had finished listening, I knew God was showing his love to me throught this beautiful song I chanced upon. Anyway, here's the video.

I'm Going to Hollywood!

2009-01-03T19:34:00.003-05:00

Unfortunately, I'll be going alone.

6 Things I've Learned This Year

2008-12-31T15:48:00.003-05:00

Stephanie..I am finally doing your meme!!

1. The Word of God is the only thing we can put our faith in completely.

2. The Office is still good, but 2008 wasn't it's finest year.

3. When you are willing, God will use you in extraordinary ways. More on that later.

4. Going through hard times is a good way to grow faith.

5. God wants us to step out in faith and trust him so that he can show himself to us in ways that can only be him.

6. Memorizing Scripture is vital. It is a powerful weapon when the lies start flying at us.

2008 has been a big year for growth in my life. I have learned how to actually say "no" to things that I had previously allowed in moderation, and I am now not just someone that learns from other Christians, but someone who can teach other Christians. It has been a year with much joy and some painful times, but I am very excited about the future. I am not really big on "this year I will" because we don't know what the future holds. I know that today I choose to follow God, as I will each day, no matter what year or month it is. This journey called life is in progress..and I am so excited to be journeying with God and with his people.

Romans 12: Living God's way

2008-12-29T23:29:00.004-05:00

I am very excited to be starting this Bible study with my small group next Tuesday. Chip Ingram is, in my opinion, an awesome teacher who is very serious about living out faith. The ten-week study focuses solely on Romans 12, and I can't wait to get started. I have listened to all of the podcast messages, and I got a lot out of them. The DVDs are much longer than the audio messages, so I think I will still be learning even though I will be familiar with the content.

Click HERE to go to the website to see an overview of the study. For the month of December, they are giving away the DVDs with the purchase of 5 workbooks. Not a bad deal. May God bless you as you follow him.

Angela

What do I do?

2008-12-24T02:17:00.003-05:00

Sorry, y'all, I know it's Christmas Eve and all but I have a problem. I have been going to my church for about a year and a half. While I have had some issues with some practices (exclusively K.J.V., and I have taken issue with some things said in sermons, plus sometimes he wears sunglasses throughout the whole sermon), I truly believe that good is being done. There are over a hundred ministries, and we even have an office Mon-Fri at a public school where kids can come get counseled and hear about Jesus. That's huge!

I love that it's a mixture of every race and social background, and that the music is fun and that it's different than any church I've ever been to.

Unfortunately, my little nagging "I don't know about that's" have a basis, which I discovered tonight.

It's a long story but I will say that I no longer can attend that church. I believe that the leadership is corrupt and that they are not truly following God. I knew from the website where I got the information that my pastor had issues in the past,but I thought that I should be mindful of forgiveness, and that everyone screws up. So I kept going. However, based on comments on the site from recent attendees of my church, I have to accept the fact that my pastor is not a man of God. He is a charlatan, and I am kind of mad that I've been tithing there, but God knows that I meant to obey him.

I am just sad and scared for those that don't know the truth. Luckily, I was not heavily involved because it is kind of a far drive for me. There are so many people that give their whole week to the church, and according to the website, there is all types of ungodly behavior going on in the "upper" echelons of the leadership and those in their inner sanctum.

I am so thankful to be able to leave and I would like to say I won't look back, but how can I not? I feel as though I have a responsibility here..but what do I do? My church was voted "Church of the Week" on the 700 club. My pastor's amazing story of finding his dad is most likely a lie, as there are conflicting stories of how they met. His dad is also a pastor. His dad's church is labeled a cult, and while I don't think my church is one, based on what I have learned, I do not think the Word of God is being taught correctly, and not by accident. One example being the teaching of people being saved simply through a prayer to accept Christ. I do believe this is a starting point, but it is NOT being a Christian. That could be very misleading. That is the thing I have taken the most issue with, however, I kept looking to all the people they were helping. I would get my guard up about certain things, and then I would let myself be lulled back into complacency.

So, I thank God for the Christmas gift of having my eyes opened, but I need advice.. and I will certainly be praying about this..where do I go from here? I know I will be able to find a good church, and I have been getting solid teaching on my own time through daily online sermons and through Bible study and fellowship with other believers. I have remained grounded in truth. But what about those whose only exposure to God and his people come through a bunch of fakers?? Thank God I have some sense of discernment, but even I was pulled in by the music and the showy sermons. And how do I go back to a church with slow worship? More than that, I feel like I HAVE to take a stand against this..but honestly I am a little scared of retribution (duh, you should never be scared of church leaders) and I just don't know what to do.

Thank you, God, that you are not blinded by outward appearances..please open the eyes of your people..

Love, Factually

2008-12-22T09:08:00.003-05:00

He is the God of everything..He is God over the Indians, the Asians, the Europeans, the grass, the trees, the animals, the seas, the McDonalds, the Trump Tower: places are built on his land that do not even acknowledge him. He is still God there.

I am not a Christian because I needed religion. I am a Christian because I found the truth. I used to believe in lies..I believed I should go along with what everyone else was doing to fit in. I knew the things I did were wrong but I believed that was just what you did to make it in life. Now, I believe in facts. It is a fact that Jesus lived, died, and rose again. It is a fact that lives change and prayers are answered. It is a fact that EVERYONE will die. It is a fact that there is an afterlife. It is a fact that I will be with The One whose name is Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Almighty God, my Lord and Savior Jesus. If you are a Christian, it is a fact that we are under protection of an all-powerful God. If you are not..it is a fact that God does not force people into relationship with him. Because factually, that's how relationships work. God is not distant or removed from you, even in your sin. Even in my sin, he still loved me enough to die for me. He loves you that much, too.

This Christmas, as Christians, we can rest in the fact that we are walking with God- who can come against us? Even in hard times and pain, we can be at peace. God is God when we are hurting, when we are happy, when we don't understand, when we fall, when we are on top, when we praise him, and when we don't make time to. He is still God. And we belong to him. Jesus was born so that we could have life. If you are not a Christian...don't miss out! God loves you so much and is just waiting for you to turn to him! Merry Christmas!

El Shaddai

2008-12-21T01:48:00.004-05:00

I just found this song yesterday and I thought it was pretty. I used to listen to a ton of R&B and hip hop music so it is nice to find some that honors God.

Bible Study Christmas Dinner 08

2008-12-17T09:40:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas!

Because I have good ideas.

Soles for Souls

2008-12-13T14:38:00.002-05:00

Please consider donating to Soles for Souls, which is an organization that provides shoes for kids that would otherwise walk around barefoot. Five dollars buys two pairs of shoes! I know that in today's economy, even five bucks can be hard to part with, but trust me, God blesses those who take care of his business! You can click on the side button and link to the site to donate.

Angela

And the winner is...

2008-12-12T11:00:00.001-05:00

Jami at Live, Laugh, Love! Congratulations!

Here are your random numbers:

6
Timestamp: 2008-12-12 16:00:16 UTC

Thanks for playing everyone! This was my first giveaway and it was so much fun!

Now, that's hot!

2008-12-10T11:17:00.004-05:00

Did you grow up comparing yourself to a sister? Last night in Bible Study, the topic was beauty. It was funny, but when we were talking about our personal beauty, we each talked about how we were prettier than our sister, or she was prettier than we were. Hmm..

One of the questions was, "When someone tells you you are beautiful, what is your response? Do you believe them?

One of the girls said that she thought that when she got married she would finally accept the fact that she was lovable and desirable, because someone wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. She's been married over a year and she still doesn't feel it.

God judges how beautiful we are on the inside. The world values physical beauty. But I think that very few of us are not affected by all of the media, magazines, and people we know that place a high emphasis on faces and physiques. But just because someone has it together on the outside doesn't mean they're not a hot mess on the inside.

I think of Misty, who used to work with me. She is one of the most beautiful women I've known personally. She looks like a young, hip, rocker version of Catherine Zeta Jones. She also has contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. She used to be involved in teaching a Sunday school class, but when she got pregnant out of wedlock the people in her church turned their noses up at her and she fell away from God. Some of this may have been her own guilt perception of what was going on around her, but it is true that we can be pretty hard on people when they fall sometimes. What would have happened if the people had loved her through it and helped her restore her relationship with God through repentance and obedience? God doesn't give up on us when we fall. People do.

I look at Hollywood- divorces and drug problems, affairs and scandals. I think about the pr*stitutes we take off the street at our church- one woman in particular who is a tall pretty blonde who looks like she has seen hell here on earth. She walks around in really high shoes and is covered in tattoos. She has the most guarded and wary look on her face- like a dog who's used to being kicked around. I just want to hug her- but I'm kind of scared of her right now.

Then I look at the women I've met through blogging; ordinary women who breathe life to others through the Holy Spirit who prompts them to encourage one another. I see the love that must have been in the early churches Paul visited. I think each and every one of you is a woman to be emulated-yes, even in your weak times, because you have found true beauty and you live it out each day. It shines through your words of hope and your ability to laugh, love, and reach out to others with abandon in this world that can be so cold. You are so beautiful.

I think our perception of our beauty is directly correlated with what we think will make people love us. If we don't feel beautiful, we don't feel lovable. But check out these verses:

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:2-3

"For the Lord takes pleasure in his people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation." Psalm 149:4

Jesus was not a hottie! But I feel like crying each time I read that he was despised- because I love him so much. I've never seen him bodily. I have seen him in the hands and words of his people. The ones who believed in him were drawn to him by who he was - not by what he looked like.

This same spirit resides in each one of us who has trusted God as the ruler of her life. He gives us the joy and the strength that ARE appealing to those who want to know- how can she stay positive? Why isn't she gossipping? She is so nice! Christ's beauty shines through each one of us.

I am not saying that we shouldn't bother to try to look nice. It's okay to feel pretty on the outside. All I'm saying is that when we have a bad hair day, we are still totally lovable.

I am excited to see the woman from church change as she realizes that she is not worthless. I am excited to see her face go from "set-in-stone" to soft and smiling. I can't wait to see her let her guard down. I have no doubt it's going to take a while. She doesn't know how beautiful she is yet. But God does.

Today, tell someone how beautiful she is. Find something about her that is wonderful, and tell her that she is awesome. Have a great day!

If you want to see the Bible study we are studying go HERE. It is an awesome resource. We did lesson two last night.

The Cab

2008-12-07T22:17:00.003-05:00

Let's say you and I are both standing on the side of the street of a bustling city. We are both hoping to hail a taxi and get where we're going. The sun went down half an hour ago; the Christmas lights are twinkling, the air has a decided nip, and the scents of city mix with the hot fragrant aroma of spiced cider being sold from a street vendor. It's a night that has that magical, indefinable quality to it, and you and I strike up a conversation, starting out with the obligatory " Must be a shortage on cabs."

We have the same sense of humor, you and I, and I can tell that there's some sort of chemistry sparking between us. The conversation is easy. And you have a VERY cute smile. I tell you about a band I saw in the Pavilion; and you can't believe it! You were at the same concert! They just happen to be your favorite band. Mine too.

At long last we spy a cab. You hold your arm up, and it chugs over to the curb.

"You take it," you say. "I'll wait for the next one."

I have to make up my mind about whether I'm going to play the shy card or not. Nope.

"Why don't we share?" I suggest.

You smile, and I notice that your left front tooth is just slightly crooked. I like it. You hold open the door for me, and then slide in next to me, pulling the door closed. It's very cozy in here. And your aftershave or cologne or whatever you've got going on is definitely working for me.

The cabbie, let's call him Joe, looks at us from the rear view mirror. "Where ya headed?"

"Uptown," I say.

"Downtown," you say at the same time.

Now I feel foolish for suggesting that we share a ride. I didn't even ask if you were going the same way! Darn that smile!

"Look," you say, leaning towards me, " Is there any chance you'd want to come hang out with me for a little while? I know we just met, but I would love to get to know you a little better. I'm on my way to meet some friends at this great bar. I know the guys who will be playing there tonight, and they're actually not that bad!"

Oh. I really don't do the bar scene anymore. But you are so cute! And the company would be nice. Still, I do have to get up early.

"I'm sorry. It sounds like fun, but..I have to work in the morning." I'm hoping you'll ask me for my number, because I really do like talking to you.

"Go in hungover,"you say. "I do it all the time." You smile, but it's a little less cute.

"Sorry."

"Folks?" Joe is getting impatient.

You give me a reluctant grin as you reach for the door. I can tell that you'd hoped I'd be a little more daring. I used to be. I found out it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. And I wouldn't be hungover even if I did go out with you. It seems you're a bit of a party boy, and as cute and as sweet as you are, that's not what I'm looking for.

"Guess we're not going the same way," you tell Joe as you slide out. You give me one last smile, and we go our separate ways.

With a capital A

2008-12-06T20:38:00.003-05:00

If you came for the giveaway it's the post below!

Tonight at church I saw my friend T who used to work with me. She got a great job elsewhere and I really don't see her much anymore. She is one of those people who always look perfectly put together, and who just seem..COMPETENT. At everything. I have honestly always felt a little awkward around her. I would always say something stupid or just feel like an idiot for some reason or another. I am sure it was just my own insecurity, but I am not like that around many people. I love to have fun and I generally enjoy making a fool of myself- as long as it's on purpose!

T was dating a man before she moved to Richmond. He works for the same company we do/did and she actually moved to get space from him and what she says was a very unhealthy relationship. He was a pastor's kid but was not living as a Christian, and T was trying to follow God. Being unequally yoked was not working out for her. Well, the space thing was working fabulously for her until her ex, R, decided to move to Richmond..and work at our store; so she'd have to see him everyday.Yippee! This was VERY stressful for her, and eventually she got a new job and so I still work with R but she doesn't have to!

R had recently decided to go back to his Christian roots and he asked if he could come to church with me a couple weeks ago. I said sure, but he ended up not coming after all.

Until tonight. He was there with T. I saw them sitting in the folding chairs from my place in the bleachers. Yep, they were together and at church! I sent a text that said "I see you!" but she didn't reach for her phone so it must have been turned off.

I was so happy that R has decided to really give God another chance. I waited for them by the door as they were coming out, and T saw me first and said something to R. She didn't look so thrilled to see me. We said a quick hello and so good to see you and then I went to the restroom and they left.

I guess T was either embarrassed or feeling guilty about being with him. As I paced back and forth in the dark trying to find my car, I read a text from T. It said "Let's keep what u saw very quiet. No one can know.. It was good to see you! I'm glad you were there tonight." Sure you were. As I was reading the message, I still was scanning for my car. I was starting to think it had been stolen. A car was trying to back out but I was in the way. It was, of course, T and R, wondering what the heck I was doing walking around behind their car. I waved idiotically and then realized that my car was on the other side of a monster truck that was parked two inches from my driver's side door.

As I climbed in the passenger side door and scaled my center console, I was feeling kind of foolish, but what can you do? I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm realizing how weird the "I see you" text was. Who does that?

Christmas Giveaway

2008-12-05T00:54:00.004-05:00

My grandmother lent me this book when I was about ten. I have always loved to read, and this non-fiction tale of a brave and sweet young girl has been my favorite ever since. It is written by Frank Deford, and it is about the short but life-changing time he had with his daughter, Alex. Alex was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis as an infant in the early seventies, and she wasn't even supposed to live past a year, but she made it eight. She was a funny and loving girl who made lasting impressions on everyone she knew. I love reading about her, and seeing her through her Daddy's eyes. This book is one that makes me cry, but it also makes me laugh. I never gave my grandma back her book (terrible, I know) and I asked for a less love-worn copy last Christmas. If you like to read stories that warm your heart, I recommend this one. Just keep the tissues nearby!

I would like to offer a copy of this book in the Christmas giveaway- Just leave me a comment about what your favorite book is and why! I will select a winner by December 12! Merry Christmas and happy reading!

Go to Lysa's site to see lots of great giveaways!

One

2008-12-02T22:10:00.002-05:00

7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent. ~Luke 15:7

One can mean "singular" or one can mean "united".

One person can touch many.

One person can tell you about Jesus and change the rest of your life.

A body of believers that is one in spirit and effort is a thing of beauty.

In Bible study tonight, four of us met together to talk about God's timing for our lives-the place, time, and events that we would be in and a part of. We talked about Moses, and how he was born into a specific time and place so that he could lead God's people out of slavery. We talked about how the Jews complained once they were free and didn't trust in God to deliver them safely, even though he had already, you know, parted the Red Sea and got them safely across. And then put it back and drowned their enemies. We talked about how like the Jews we are. God has delivered us from our various areas of bondage and shame; yet we persist in our worry and grumbling. Thankfully, God is faithful even when we aren't.

We were so blessed to hear B talking about God, and how she knows he has placed her in certain situations in order that she might know him. She is not yet a Christian, but she comes regularly and is always excited to learn. She was talking about how she is the Go-To person at her job, and how frustrating it is to get phone call after phone call asking her for help when she is not even a manager. Then she said, "Maybe God is making me the go-to person at work so that I can be HIS go-to girl" (we had also been talking about saying "yes" to God when he asks us to do something). God is definitely making some progress in her heart, and it is so obvious that he desires to give her new life and hope in Him!! Her job is right next to a Christian store and she talks to Christians every day! I love how thoroughly God is pursuing her! It reminded me that the angels do rejoice over even just one person who comes to Christ! How precious that life is to God! How he delights in her opening her heart to let him in! She may be just another girl to some of us, but to God..she is His! And so are we!

One life was spared so that many could live. Praise God!

P.S. If you would like to see the Bible Study we were looking at, you can link here.

Just a reminder

2008-11-27T23:50:00.002-05:00

Acts 5:38-39
"Therefore in this present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail; but if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."

This passage really speaks to me of what a powerful God we serve.

-If it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men-

So, this verse tells us that when we are living out God's will for our lives, we are unstoppable! We don't need to be afraid of how inadequate we feel, or what opposition may come. And it will come. But we will not be stopped.

What does that look like in my life?

Satan has really been working to get me down lately. I haven't been making a ton of money, which causes me to stress. I know that God says "Do not fear". We're working on that one. Also, I and a friend started a Bible study for the women we work with. I love seeing God work in our lives through the time we spend together; however, lately attendance has been down. Way down. As in one other person. We'll have a couple weeks with five or six, and then the next time half of them are busy. This past Tuesday I was excited because all the colleges had off this week, and that meant Amanda would be able to join us. She has been going through one bad situation after another since she decided to live her life for God. Serious health issues, money problems, friend problems, serious family issues: all of this has really just knocked her down and left her sitting, dazed, wondering who the heck keeps hitting her. I knew we needed time together to pray and talk and just gently love her and encourage her to keep after God no matter what. Well, that dream ended when she decided she needed money and picked up a shift at work Tuesday night. Babs also had to work; Amy and Tiffany were going out of town and I was just plain mad and discouraged. I thought this Bible study was God's idea. But what if it was just mine? What if God didn't mean for ME to lead this study? I expressed my frustration to Heather, my co-leader, as she was leaving work. We decided not to have Bible study since no one could come, but she wasn't discouraged. She said she feels that God is going to really move this study along, and that it was going to grow into something awesome. I scoffed. She said it might be a middle ground between her optimism and my pity-party. I conceded that she might be right. My aggravation comes from seeing these ladies struggling, but not seeing them seeking God, and letting him deal with their junk. I know I need to have patience. It took me forever and a day to get my act even remotely together.

I have been letting Satan tell me that I can't lead these women; they don't seem to be responding the way I thought they would, so I must be lacking the "leadership" gene. Even if am, guess what? God is the only leader worth following. He wants to draw people to himself, and he WILL NOT BE STOPPED. I know that he supports this group. I know that our purpose is to glorify his name, and that our heart's desire is to see women freed from the bondage that comes along with buying into the world's empty promises. He is behind it. I also decided that I have to be grateful no matter what. Even if my fears are realized. Even if I can't hold everything together. If God chose to take away what I have, I have to trust that he has something else for me. So I have to stop worrying. He commands me to seek him first. He promises that when I do, he will take care of the rest.

So..the next day I went in to work with a thankful heart. I had been reading out of Chip Ingram's book "GOD: as he longs for you to see him". Chip wrote about the fact that God does not exist to be our "Self-Help Genie". We have NO cause to say.."Ok, God, what's the deal? Why am I still having problems? I tithe, I pray, I read my Bible..where's the reward? Haven't I earned a few days of "trouble-free"? The answer is no. God is so good and he does help us: in so many more ways than we could ever count. I have it amazingly well just to have a job. So what if it sucks sometimes? I have full use of all of my motor functions. I can read. I have a bed. I have family. Those are freebies. When I decided to let God direct my life, I received eternal life in heaven with my God and my Jesus. So if I have eighty years of "This isn't fun", I still have everything to be thankful for.

The past couple days, God has been showing himself to me. I prayed for favor in the eyes of my superiors at work. Two minutes later my General Manager told me I had a guest compliment. I won the new Esther Bible study Leader Kit from the Lifeway All Access blog. I absolutely love Beth Moore's studies and I learn so much from them. I look at them covetously each time I'm in the Lifeway store by my house. But I can't afford one. Guess who can?

I have been asking God for more and more faith and trust. I am really trying to lean on him when things start going south in my life. He is showing me that he is so loving, and that he will keep his promises. He got me a Leader Kit! For the Bible study I was so discouraged about!! Don't mess with me...My Father is Big! And he can kick your butt! (Loose translation of -you will only find yourselves fighting against God)

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

Oh high school how I miss thee

2008-11-23T10:49:00.008-05:00

When I was a freshman in high school, I attended a church in Northern Virginia called Reston Bible Church. It was a fast-growing church; our pastor, Mike Minter, was a very engaging speaker, and there were tons of teens in the youth group. There was always something fun going on. Our youth group was called "The Gap" and we didn't meet in the big church because I guess we had outgrown the small room in the church basement next to all the Sunday School Classes and the nursery. The youth group rented out space in an office building about two miles away from the church building. It was also strategically located across the street from "McTaco Hut", a grouping of three awesome food chains that were bombarded each Sunday and Wednesday by a load of Jesus lovin' kids.

I went to church almost every Sunday, and tried to make it Wednesdays when I could. We lived about twenty minutes away and I wasn't driving at the time, but my parents made an effort to take me. I know my mom was praying that if I just kept going, maybe it would seep into the rest of my life. I was at that point in my life where I really wanted attention from boys, and I was willing to do whatever it took to get love and acceptance. You want to talk about screwed up in the head, that was me. I am not sure how I managed to be exposed to God's word so consistently, and not be moved to change. I can't believe that my heart was THAT hardened. I had a couple of close friends there; Julie, who is here in Richmond with me, was the one who first brought me, and Catherine moved from Washington State and her dad asked Julie to be her friend. Julie thought Catherine's older brother Jon was cute so she was game. However, those two became very close over the next couple of years. I thought Catherine was LAME. She was so Christian! She never wanted to go meet boys at the mall, and she was just such a goody-two shoes. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure she thought I was the devil.

I guess I never got too close to anyone else there, although I did stuff with them all the time. I suppose that if I let them in too close, they would have known what was going on with me, and I knew it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing. Also, many of the kids came from serious money, and I didn't. Northern VA is one of the richest parts of the nation, and while I never went without, I guess I didn't feel equal to the other kids. I was in trouble ALL the time; skipping class and talking to people I shouldn't have been talking to, and putting all of my energy into finding "love". I had girlfriends, but no one close. I was very competitive when it came to guys and let's just say that didn't earn me any love from the girls. I was a mess.

I am very saddened by the fact that God was waiting for me to throw all the garbage away, but I clung to it for SO long. Throughout my high school years, there was always someone who would take special interest in me (be prompted to help me and pray for me). One lady in particular, Cyndi, helped out in the youth group, and she was so interested in my life. She would always send me cards with "God loves you so much, Angela" and Bible verses, and she always wanted to talk to me about what was happening in my life. I avoided her as much as humanly possible. I always felt guilty, because for some reason this lady loved me and cared about me, but there was no way I was going to stop doing what I was doing. I wasn't going to become some boring Bible chick and devote myself to waiting for marriage. She was very perserverant, but I didn't know how to handle her attention. I thought she was kind of nuts, to be honest.

Cyndi went with us that year on a bike trip we took to Florida. We took a bus down to Flagler Beach, and then we all got on bikes and rode about 50-60 miles a day inland towards Disney World. It was so awesome. We had a big truck following us around with all of our luggage, and we made camp each night in a different place. We took canoe rides through water reserves (not the Everglades, but alligators included!), and rode through sand, up hills, and through breathtaking countryside. When we finally got to Disney, we had to ride in the back way, and then wave as though we were in a parade. I had so much fun. I actually took this trip twice; once freshman year and then again junior year. The first time I took a friend named Jen; unfortunately we were not friends at the end of the trip. My fault. Junior year Julie came, and though the two trips have blended in my mind some, the overall experience was one of the most fond memories I have. I remember Jen and I getting in trouble for staying out past curfew in Disney. I remember raccoons coming up to the edge of the water and staring at us as we canoed past them. I remember riding past people living in complete poverty in rural Florida, all of them sitting in front of ramshackle houses and staring at a bunch of white kids in matching shirts riding by. I remember how good it felt to be at the front of the group, pushing myself to be faster and faster. I remember how my leg muscles felt like they were on fire the first night. I remember prayer time and skits, and Space Mountain. I wish I could do it again. I actually think that they still do the trips. If I had any inclination to move back that way I might be tempted to help out in the youth group. Even for a heathen like me it was a good time and I have very fond memories of it.

Top left: Me, Kady Sue and the youth pastor's daughter
Top Right: Disney Campground
B. L.: On a boat?
B.R. : In the canoe with Mr. Varney, Brooks, and Cyndi

I stopped going to youth group and RBC all together after I was 17 or 18. By that time I was drinking and hanging out with some really shady characters. I really wish I had taken hold of God at that time, because my pain and my problems just got worse. I was engaged to an alcoholic when I was 20, and when I mercifully extracted myself from that situation, I became a big party girl and was with a man who treated me like garbage. For four years. During this time, I was at a different bar or club at least five nights a week. I did do three semesters of college, got all A's and B's as a matter of fact. But the pull of sin was so strong in my life that I didn't keep going.

I am sad that I wasted so much time...but..I'm still young! It has taken me some time to let go of my past; still not there ALL the way yet, but God is good and I was able to look up that weird lady from my youth group, and call her and tell her that God had heard her prayers for me. My life doesn't have to be a story of shame anymore. It is a story of overcoming. Not mine, but God's. He overcame my own destructiveness and has been building me up ever since. I still have times where I want to tear it all down. That's part of me. But God doesn't give up on me when I am ready to give up. He sees me through the dark times and rejoices when I am once again aglow in his light. I don't really know how this post got to this, but it's the truth of my story; my ongoing, unfolding walk with God. I am grateful for it.
My past makes it easier for me to relate and love on those who may seem unlovable to those who haven't been in the same darkness. If I hadn't been down, I may not have called out for help. Thank you, God, that you were just waiting for me to ask.

Things that make you go "Whoa!"

2008-11-19T13:21:00.003-05:00

I listen to Beth Moore's weekly online messages from Living Proof every Monday morning. I was really hit by her message this week, which is part of a short series entitled "Developing Enormously Effective Prayer Lives". Check it out. The whole series is great teaching, this week just really opened my eyes to how much power we have when we pray using the name of Jesus. It has really affected my prayers in the last 24 hours. It changed the way I look at prayer. I am excited to see my prayer life really take off. If you have twenty minutes, you can listen to it here. It is the one dated November 17. It is totally worth it. On a side note, just watched the movie "The Ultimate Gift" in Bible Study last night. It was very cute. I also want to see "Saving Sarah Cain". I am always on the lookout for good movies that aren't going to leave me feeling like I need ear plugs or a blindfold. And they are few and far between. Any recommendations?

Post...op

2008-11-15T23:00:00.003-05:00

Thanks for the prayers. The surgery went long and I thought one of my teeth would never come out because they had to keep cutting into it and then they would pull hard and it wouldn't budge. Over and over they kept doing this. I thought it would be nice if I could just pass out, but no such luck. I had two hours of pulling, yanking, drilling and the like. Apparently my wisdom teeth had very long roots. Lucky me.

Honestly, it went as well as could be expected. I am in a minimal amount of pain, and I am able to eat; just have to be careful.

Thursday afternoon I had a lady at one of my tables, and we got to talking after I found out she was reading "Velvet Elvis", which is a book on Christianity. I told her i was a Christian, and she shared with me that she had gotten cancer, and then found her husband cheating on her, gotten a divorce, and lost her job all around the same time. I don't know how anyone gets through that, and I can tell you that my faith would be badly shaken if even one of those things happened to me. God got her through all of it; and then delivered her from a painkiller addiction from her cancer medication. She actually knows and loves my pastor at the Roc; she said he helped her through while she was addicted. She is a very cute, very proper sixty-something year old woman: doesn't really look like she hangs out in the hood, but she comes occasionally. I would love to see her there. By the way, she was the first or only (can't remember) one to survive the type of cancer she had. It was such a blessing to be able to talk with her, and she also needed the encouragement because she had just come from a doctor's appointment where they x-rayed her chest to diagnose a 10-month long cough. She didn't have the results of the x-ray yet, but she said the doctor's face didn't look promising. Please pray for her. Her name is Pat.

I love when God puts people in our paths to just lift our spirits. I am so grateful to have a God who cares a that I'm scared or upset. Also, my mom was able to come down and take care of me for the first day and night..and she paid for my copay AND my medicine, which I didn't expect at all. It's good to be loved. I also had a drive-by ice creaming. Thanks Jewels and Bonnie! Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Yikes

2008-11-13T22:53:00.002-05:00

Getting all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. Scared. Please pray that I don't die. Ouch. Maybe I'll post something while I'm under the influence. Ha ha.

Memory Verses

2008-11-09T14:41:00.005-05:00

Hebrews 12:11

All discipline, for the moment, seems not to be joyful but sorrowful. Yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

I am going to be attempting to memorize a Scripture verse every week. Hebrews 12:11
was my first. It goes along with what I am trying to do: live a structured, goal- oriented life. I have been working on a "life plan". I got the idea from Lysa TerKeurst's book "Living Life on Purpose". Lysa helps us to examine how to live our lives as the Proverbs 31 woman lived; with a clear focus on God and a life lived to be purposeful and effectual; with good time-management, clear-set goals, and fruitful tasks. She takes us through each area of life: our relationship with God, as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, as the keeper of the home, as a good steward; and makes us think about how we are living in this arena versus how God says we should be living. I am really enjoying the book so far and am excited to keep reading.

Some of my goals are to enroll in a college class (just to ease back in), to create and stick by a budget, to exercise regularly, to stop wasting time on television and the computer (blog is still okay, it's just the amount of time I WASTE online). I make a schedule that includes me getting up earlier to have a longer time with God, and throwing in blocks of time for tasks I need to get done but may have been putting off. I am not doing the greatest job sticking to it so far, but it is a start and I plan to keep at it; because, hey, something done is better than nothing done, right?

One of my accomplished goals was to sponsor a Compassion child, which I did after staying posted to Melanie's(aka Big Mama) Dominican Compassion trip. Her name is Lady (I think it is pronounced "Lah-dee") and she is a twelve-year old living in Ecuador. I sent her a quick e-mail note saying I was so glad to be her friend, and I can't wait to get my first letter. What is a meal out to me can provide so much for her. Also, it is such a good opportunity to show Christ's love for her. Now she knows that there IS someone who cares about her. I didn't choose her myself, I let them match me with someone who had been waiting a long time, and I asked God to give me someone with whom I could have an awesome relationship. I didn't know which country or anything. That made it exciting. It is neat because I speak a passable amount of Spanish so that will be helpful. I will keep you all updated on her.

So the reason I started this post with a memory verse is because I have a favor/fun idea to ask you. If you have a verse that you have memorized or holds special meaning to you, will you either post it on your site or send it over here, and if you want I can do the same. I need to memorize more Scripture, and you all always have good ideas! We can even memorize verses together, if you want! It is so important to store God's word in your heart. It is the sword of the Spirit, and can cut down the negative things that fly at us in daily life. Even the one little verse I memorized has really had an impact on me this week. Seriously. God's word is POWERFUL and LIFE-GIVING. I need more of it. So help me out. Love you.

Here's where I'm at

2008-11-05T08:21:00.004-05:00

I have had a sick feeling in my stomach ever since I watched Obama steadily moving into the lead last night. Actually I had been sour all day because I am just going to put it out there: I think MANY people voted for him for the wrong reason(s). I just find it hard to come to grips with the fact that Christians would ignore God's ways and be swept up in the HOOPLA. It makes me scared. I feel as though much of our country has gone through this election with blinders on. Never mind the no experience and the shady associations. Never mind the partial birth abortions and the gay marriage.

My honest feeling right now is "God, why did you stir all of our hearts to pray so intently for this election? I wanted a miracle, God. I wanted California's electoral votes! You could have done it, God! Why?"

I am going to have to intentionally draw near to God right now and let my heart catch up later. Because he is still God, He still loves his people. He will still work together all things for good for the people who he loves and has called according to his purpose. This will be a test of faith for many of us, I think. Let's lean on God. There's nowhere else. There's no ONE else.

God, help me not to harbor unforgiveness for those who did not turn to you for wisdom in this election. Help me not to fear because you have said "No weapon formed against you will prosper". Help me to have joy instead of mourning. God, bring your people together, and further your kingdom. May my actions, reactions, and the submission of my thoughts to yours bring you glory. Because that's all that really matters. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Because it's outside.

2008-11-01T20:25:00.004-04:00

Today was amazing. My friend Nicole came down to visit last night and this morning we got up early and drove about an hour and a half west out past Waynesboro, VA. The drive was absolutely gorgeous. Fall is my favorite season. I love all the holidays, the colors, the brisk air and the coziness of coming inside.

We hiked about two miles up to the peaks of the Humpback Rocks. I realized that I need to get a personal trainer because I almost died. Breathe really heavily, in and out like five times. Now start complaining and you get the whole experience. It was a pretty steep incline in parts. When we got to the top it was sheer rock jutting out against a bright blue sky. The temperature was in the upper sixties at that elevation, and we sat at the top of the cliffs and looked out over a breathtaking panorama of oranges, reds, yellows and greens. I have been a couple times before; once as a kid and once maybe five or six years ago, and I hope to go back far more frequently. Nature is in the house. Not.

Some ramblings

2008-10-24T00:52:00.003-04:00

Have you ever been so afraid of failing that you don't even try? I sit waiting for the "big adventure" to begin, but I basically go to work and come home Mon-Thursday with the exception of Bible study Tues. nights..and on the weekends I go to church, which is fun, but two hours don't really make a weekend.

I think part of it is that I don't have extra money for too much fun stuff..and my closest friends are married with newborns so they, while still totally wonderful, have their hands full of poop and breastmilk. And babies. We three have weekly Friday lunches, which have always been fun, but the conversation has declined by leaps and bounds as they have been pregnant, and now new moms. It's amazing, pregnancy, but also can be a little..well, I'm falling asleep just remembering the topics that have taken over our trialogue(?). I guess it's a balancing act to be friends with people who are in completely different phases of life. I mean, I wouldn't give up waitressing for the world, so I'm not feeling like a late bloomer or anything. Not at all. Not. At. All. I just am having a hard time doing fun and wonderful things with my own broke free time. And there aren't too many Christians at work..I know, great mission field..although we just hired a guy named Missy who might just be my new b.f.f.

I want my life to be effective and exciting, but I have to unSTICK myself from my humdrummedness. I did meet a guy at church, but he has a silent "t" at the end of his name and he's a little older than I thought he was. I think I may just stay single. And change my phone number.

Seriously, though, I feel the need for change, but guess what scares me? Change. So how do I push through to the abundant life that is mine to claim by the grace of God?
These here are growing pains. Have any of you gone through this? One example of an issue I am facing is that I have to sign another lease on my apartment, which I LOVE, but doing that means staying at my job for another year, and trying to make ends meet month to month. I know that I am living beyond my means but to step out into something unknown, and to go through the hassle of moving seems horrible. I also waited to long to look for another place, and if I don't resign they will put me at month to month for a higher rent, until I give them 60 day notice. I have been praying for clear direction in this area, but I have to sign or not sign soon, probably by tomorrow. So, I may need to work more hours or find ways to cut back so that I can get out of my credit card debt. I know that God won't abandon me, but I definitely want the life HE has for me, and this isn't it. I want to do more, see more, be less and let him be more. I pretty much want to be in some form of ministry, and I want a family and more friends. I know that I need to hold what I have with open hands to God, and let him take what I don't need. I know he will replace it with things far better. But you know the death grip that, well, dead people have? I may love God, but wow, if I had to give up my computer or my perfectly laid-out kitchen, I somehow have it in my head that life would completely suck. Sometimes I just need someone to shake me.

Surrounded

2008-10-21T23:09:00.004-04:00

Psalm 125:1-2

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forever more.

View Larger Map
Click on the Larger Map to see the mountains that surround Jerusalem. It is completely surrounded. I love to feel (and know) that God is surrounding me that way. I have my days where I feel a disconnect from the Lord, but the returning to dwell in his presence is so sweet and so very comforting. This peace comes only from him. I pray that through your week you will be more aware of him surrounding you..in and through all situations.

My New Friend

2008-10-19T23:00:00.002-04:00

My friend and her baby are doing well

2008-10-19T11:09:00.003-04:00

Except for a little jaundice and low temp and blood sugar on Baby's part. I will be going to see them this afternoon and hopefully will get some good pictures! Thanks for your prayers!

Thanks for nothing, placenta!

2008-10-16T22:50:00.003-04:00

I spent the majority of my day in Labor and Delivery at St. Mary's Hospital. My best friend Julie was induced because her placenta quit working and there is an extremely low amount of amniotic fluid surrounding the baby. It has been hard watching my friend be so very uncomfortable and scared, but we still managed to have a good time. Her mom is down from Northern VA, and I've known them for twenty years so Bonnie is like family to me. We did a sudoku challenge: whoever completed their puzzle first got to pick the middle name (not really), and Julie's husband made a complete idiot of himself. The night nurse came in and introduced herself as Andrea (pronounced Ah-ndrea), and Chris asked if she would be there all night. She said yes. He said, "All right, All-night Ah-ndrea!" All of us, including the doula, started snickering like fifth-graders in a "my body is changing" seminar. Chris said it so innocently, just without thinking, and that's what made it extra hilarious. Ah-ndrea actually didn't laugh that much. No baby yet, hopefully the little guy will be here tomorrow morning. Hope everyone is having a good week!

UPDATE: The baby's heart rate was decelerating during contractions, so they have taken Julie off Petocin and have scheduled a C-section for four p.m. Julie was adamant that she wanted a natural birth, but it isn't looking good, so if you would please pray for her and baby Spencer and the doctors and nurses..Thank you!

Is a panhandler from Florida?

2008-10-14T22:51:00.002-04:00

Tonight was Bible study. Just three of us: myself, Heather, and Tiffany. I was honestly disappointed because the other girls didn't show up; you know, the ones who need to spend time with God and learn. Sometimes God has a different idea of who needs what. We had an amazing time. I laughed harder than I have in a long time. The term "stoned buffet waitress" was used. Also, "panhandler". We have some interesting pasts, us Christians.With just the three of us there, all of whom are on just about the same level spiritually, we were able to just relax and open up, instead of being "leaders". I so look forward to the girl time we have each Tuesday, and the chance to aid someone in their pursuit of a godly relationship, but God knew that we needed to just pour out our hearts to each other tonight. I thank you, Lord. The cords of our friendship were woven a little more tightly tonight.

Honor him

2008-10-10T23:31:00.005-04:00

Psalm 22:23
You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

Psalm 45:11
The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Psalm 91:15
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

An Update

2008-10-07T18:19:00.004-04:00

Well, it's October already. My two best friends in Richmond have been pregnant ALL YEAR, and Catherine finally had her little boy on September 18. His name is Joshua, and he is very cute; no funny-shaped head or anything. Julie is due October 16; she is miserable and I brought her some Fried Macaroni and Cheese today to ease her pain. She loves it. Almost more than her husband. Almost.

I am still working at the same place, though I am not enjoying it much. The thing that keeps me there is the people that I have been fortunate enough to form relationships with. I want to be there for them, and my biggest desire is that they would let God take over and transform their lives. I am getting a little discouraged, because people that seemed interested in going to church have backed off and seem content to stay where they're at. Amanda, a girl who was in our Bible study, had surgery, and now after a few weeks of not spending any real time on her relationship with God, her cursing is back in full force. And it's not like she's slipping, cause she doesn't notice it anymore. Adam, who used to apologize if he cursed around me, now screams the f word thirty times a day and doesn't care at all if I am around or not. I just don't know why things are changing.

The feelings I had for Guy at Work are diminished again, I am reading in Breaking Free how to take steps to make our thoughts obedient to Christ..and it is a continual process..removing lies and replacing them with Truth. Like the truth that if I gave in and kissed him, that would be taking away from the intimacy I want to devote solely to my husband. I don't really even talk to him anymore; which is helping. I want to be nicer, but I have to guard my heart here. I believe that God has a man for me. I want a godly relationship. There is no acceptable alternative. God has given us guidelines for marriage, and he must be in the center of any relationship for it to work the way it is meant to. I honestly didn't know if I would ever get married; I felt like I wasted so much time on the wrong kind of relationships; but I do believe that God has that for me. Especially since Llewelyn prophesied it for me in a comment on this post. I thought that was pretty cool. However, if I don't end up getting married, it's because God has something else for me. I would rather be alone and glorifying God than married to someone who wouldn't encourage me to live for Christ.

I went to Beckley, West Virginia this weekend to a wedding reception for my friend Tiffany. She actually didn't know I was coming, because it was a small affair mostly for family and very close friends (we've only know each other a few months). I happen to know her sister-in-law because she comes into the restaurant frequently and she and I struck up a friendship when her husband was going being deployed. Her husband is back in the States, now, but was unable to attend the wedding because he was participating in "The Twelve Tribes of Israel" which was a mens' church retreat. So, Angie asked me to go in his stead. I took a couple days to think it over, and then thought it would be fun to get to know her better, it would be fun to take a road trip, and it would be awesome to see Tiffany since she recently got a real job and I don't see her everyday anymore. I had a blast; Angie's son Jake is 4 and he is hilarious and so cute, and he kept us entertained the whole time. The drive was gorgeous. The leaves are starting to turn, and we drove through the mountains..how beautiful! I had a great time.

My mom graduated Nursing School in May, and just got a job working at a Nursing Home as an RN. The place is two miles from her house, which is great. I think she'll really like it there. They have a dog and a cat that wander around the place, which I think is neat. I know she will love those old people.

Will you all please pray for my coworkers and bosses? Pray for God to speak to their hearts, and work circumstances in their lives so that they would turn to him. Pray for the enemy to be turned back and scattered, and rendered completely ineffective. Pray, please, for my boss John. He says he doesn't believe in God. A man came up to us the other day and handed us tracts printed on fake million dollar bills, and I smiled and told him I was already a Christian. John smiled at him, but when the man turned away John tore up the tract, and got really red and flustered, saying that he hated to be preached to. John's kids go to Christian school. There is something in his past that has fostered that violent reaction, I'm sure.

Well, that's all for now, folks.
Here's Joshua:

Must Watch! It's an Epidemic!

2008-10-06T23:14:00.001-04:00

Who got paid to write this masterpiece?

Got me thinking

2008-10-04T23:26:00.005-04:00

What we believe determines how we live ~ Rick Warren

I was watching this video when I came across the aforementioned quote. It amazes me how one line can just grab me so completely, even if it's something that I basically already knew, the way that it is stated can make it really sink in.

Am I living like I believe that God is with me AT ALL TIMES? Ummmm..

Deuteronomy 31:8

Do I pray like I believe God hears my every thought? Yes, to a degree; he has shown up in ways that were undeniable direct answer to prayer that could not come from anywhere else. However, I still have times where I feel like my prayers don't count for much.

1 Kings 9:3
Psalm 6:9

Do I tell people about Jesus' plan of salvation and restoration as if I believe their very eternity is on the line? Even if they may think I'm some kind of crazy?
Not nearly enough.
Jeremiah 21:8
Zechariah 1:3

I am not going to heaven because of the great way I have lived my life. Let's be honest here. God paid the price that was mine. I would most likely be in the same mess as everyone else if I hadn't believed that I could be forgiven, not because of who I am, but because of who he is. I have assurance that when I die, I will live a peaceful, good life walking next to my God the rest of my days. So, I could stop there. But God gave us instructions, agendas, and blessings, to reach his people. Someone was being obedient when I heard about the gospel. I want to be part of the harvest. Because I believe. So why is it that I believe for my own salvation, but don't have absolute faith in my prayer life? Why don't I believe with all my heart in all circumstances? Fear and unbelief. What if I look stupid? What if God is not happy with me and isn't listening to me? This is the enemy's strategy..to make us chicken out. But we are in a war, and soldiers don't run the other way when they are faced with danger or an uncomfortable situation. They fight back. If the enemies' method of attack is to lie and tell us that we don't have to be so pro-active to be obedient to God or to spread his word, then we must fight back. With truth. With God's word, with prayer, with steadfastness. The war is won. Even if we lose from time to time. Can we stand firm and keep on pushing through the junk that makes us fearful, and pulls us away from the victory that is already ours? It's not easy. satans a good liar. Who will I believe? My actions will speak more than my mouth ever will. I pray that my life will reflect what I believe, and that I will believe my God.

I Really Don't Have a Title

2008-10-03T11:18:00.003-04:00

I'm going for a whole new look!

God is Good

2008-09-29T22:38:00.003-04:00

My pastor, Pastor G as we call him, was the guest speaker at a Baptist church this Sunday morning, and it was great to hear him tell people his testimony, because he has an incredible one. He was 3 when his Hells Angels biker dad left his family, and eight when his mother was murdered in front of him. He grew up without hardly any parental supervision or guidance, and he himself joined a gang, sold drugs, and was addicted to cocaine by the time he was seventeen. He was ready to end his life. He thought he was no good and that no one would ever miss him. He was wandering the streets of L.A., contemplating taking his own life, when he came across a church. He had not been taken to church ever before, but something led him to seek help within those walls. He went inside, told the greeter that he needed to talk to someone, that he was at the end of his rope, and that if they didn't have any answers for him, he was going to go home, get his gun and end it all. The greeter quit smiling and went and got the pastor. He sat down and talked with Pastor G, who was amazed to see a pastor with tattoos and jeans on. Pastor G told his story of hopelessness, and the pastor told him that he, too, came from a broken home, that he had also been in a gang, and that it was in prison where he first heard about Jesus. He found freedom in Christ while he was incarcerated, and when he got out, God told him to pastor a church in L.A. He said that Jesus had completely changed his life and gave him peace, happiness, and joy. Pastor G gave his life to Christ that day. And God wasn't finished blessing him, because the pastor pulled out a picture and showed it to Pastor G. It was a picture of him when he was a little boy. This pastor was his father. I know it sounds crazy, but it really happened like that. God reunited these two in an amazing way.

I loved seeing peoples' mouths drop to the floor when they heard that. They were also a little nervous because..my church is not your average church. We have about every kind of person you could imagine there, including a biker ministry, which was greeting at the Baptist church this Sunday. I know it is unconventional, but I love my church and feel so blessed to be a part of it. I wanted to show a video of when we were on "The 700 Club" so that you can see a little of what I am talking about. Going to a different church made me feel so grateful to be in the place that I am; not that there is anything wrong with conventional services, I just feel like my church is truly unique and I always am excited to go. Okay, link is below. Love you guys.

Angela
Richmond Outreach Center on the 700 Club

Just another man named Monday

2008-09-26T13:39:00.004-04:00

You remember the Bangles' hit song "Manic Monday"? My friend Ashley doesn't, as I discovered when she belted out "just another man named Monday" over the actual lyrics. Have you ever discovered that the song you have been singing for years actually doesn't say what you thought it said? I sing all the time, and one of my favorites is "River of Dreams" by Billy Joel. It's just fun to sing. However, I sing the chorus and I usually am making half of it up as I go along. It's never the same song twice. What song have you ~~done~~ sung wrong?

Should've had a V8

2008-09-23T22:52:00.002-04:00

Without God, I would be sunk. What is it about us that makes us chase after things that will at best disappoint us, and at worst completely devastate us? I am in such a situation now, involving a male friend that I am developing feelings for. I know no good can come of it, and I know that I have to surrender this want in my life to God, who will supply me with something(one) far better. I just am not loosing my grip on it yet. I love God, but I am fighting one heck of a rebellious streak right now. Guess who will get hurt? Me, for sure. Him, quite possibly. My testimony could take a big hit, which could affect people I otherwise might reach for Christ. I don't want to publish this. I am one hundred percent sure that I am not going to go through with anything, but my thoughts about it are sin enough. He doesn't even know I think of him that way. I think he thinks of me that way. I act weird around him, and I am not being myself at all because I am so consumed with this. I feel like I am falling in love, but I don't really know him that well, and what I do know is not promising. I stopped liking him for a while, but then, when I thought I was safe, we hung out a couple times and talked. There is just that certain attraction there that makes me think of us being a couple. I know it is not God's plan for me. I will not do it. But it is hurting me to be in this place.

This title stucks!

2008-09-16T20:48:00.007-04:00

Our Fantasy vs. God's Vision

A couple years ago I was attending a much quieter church than the one I go to now. The worship wasn't really my speed, but the pastor was great and I really enjoyed his sermons. I took notes on one such sermon, and that piece of paper still hangs on my fridge. It lays out in black and white how our vision for our life differs from God's, and the results that stem from choosing either way.

Series: "Getting Unstuck" February 19, 2006
Text: 1 Corinthians 1:18-27

1 Corinthians 1:18-27 (New International Version)

Christ the Wisdom and Power of God
18For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."[a]
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

Notes I took:

Common element of all stuckness is "Me".( What's in it for me?)

We all have a "picture" of how we think our life should be.

Life will never fulfill our self-focused fantasy. If we don't fix our perspective on what is important, we will be in for one disappointment after another.

We begin to get "unstuck" when we have a conversion from "me" at the center to God at the center. This requires us taking our picture of how we thought our life should be and laying it down at the feet of Jesus. Asking God for his perfect and pleasing will for our lives, which does not (ouch) make us the center of attention and praise. It puts the glory where it is deserved, and gives us the freedom to live as we are supposed to: not as little emperors but as a loving family and servants of our wonderful God.

Me at the Center + + + God at the Center
disappointing +++ fulfilling
fantasy +++ vision
immature +++ mature
bondage +++ freedom

When life is getting painful( often a sense of being left or rejected), there is a cross coming. Crosses in our lives are places where we die to ourselves (sin nature). On the other side of every cross is a resurrection, and in that resurrection there is remarkable joy. We, as followers of Jesus, are called to daily face crosses in our lives. We are to die to self each and every day. It is not easy, and the flesh part screams "what about me?". I know I am warped by the worlds' way of thinking. It is a daily struggle to remember who it is really about. If I find myself upset, or have my feelings offended, more than likely it is because I am not looking at my situation in light of God's perspective. I so easily take it all on my shoulders, when in reality, God has offered to carry it for me. Everything. I just have to give it to him. Denying "self" is exactly what satan doesn't want me to do. If I walk around with the knowledge that I am taken care of, and I don't have to worry about myself, then I have time to focus on what I am supposed to be doing. Loving God. Loving people. Finding out what joy is. Learning by experience to let God have every part of my life. This is freedom. To let God be God. To get unstuck off of ourselves, and instead stick together! To love and be loved, and to let the ugly die and the beauty that is Christ take over.

Galatians 2:20
20I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Too Close

2008-09-15T22:37:00.002-04:00

My coworker tried to commit suicide last Thursday. He knows God, but has recently backslid into a gay lifestyle. He was driving home drunk on Thursday night and he hit something large and stationary, maybe an unoccupied semi truck. Then he pulled into a church parking lot and called his friend, our manager J. He told J to cover his shifts, that he loved him, and he just wanted to say goodbye.He hung up. J called him back, and my coworker proceeded to tell him that he was going to take his own life.He hung up again. Thank God, my manager called the police. They were able to track his phone by the GPS, and they found him just as he collapsed, coming out of the woods by the church. He had cut open his wrists with a broken cologne bottle. He is in the hospital now, and stable (physically).

What the heck?

What causes a person to just give up like that? A Christian, at that. It has shocked me. One thought I've had, trying to reason it out, is that he is tormented by living a life that is not pleasing to God, and I think it is extra hard for homosexuals to leave their sin behind, because it comes to be what defines them as people. I had to give up immorality, but it's not so bad because sex will be permissible for me, even blessed, within the confines of a godly marriage. Not so for my friend. That's one thing that may be stressing him out. I know that there must lie deeper issues, because a rational person, no matter the situation, would probably not decide that suicide was the only way out.

My coworker is a hard worker. He is very funny, and more than a little sarcastic. He is gay, but has been living chastely until very recently. His mouth has always been bad, and he smokes. Yet he claims to love God, talks about not letting the devil or people steal his joy, and he LOVES Joyce Meyer. I don't know his heart, only God does. I'm just analyzing here, because I think God has given his children a discerning spirit to recognize fruit in fellow Christians, and lack of it. I pray that he will have a close relationship with the Lord, and find strength and peace through Him.

God isn't finished with him yet. Satan didn't win this one. What will life hold for him now? Hopefully healing and love. This is going to be very difficult to get over. So painful. I don't know if he'll come back to work. He may not. All I know is that there is a reason that he is still alive, and I trust that God has not left his side, not once, through this horrible time.

Random Question: What element of creation most causes you to worship God?

2008-09-12T20:57:00.007-04:00

The picture here is of a 21- week old baby that was being operated on in utero and reached throught the incision and grasped the doctor's finger.

A Question from Edie at Rich Gifts

I see God in everything. He made it all. I think one of the things that declares Himself to me most is the human body. All of it. The outside, the inside, the brain especially. The fact that we have the capacity to heal when injured. DNA. Sight. Smell. He gave us everything we need to experience the world around us, to analyze, to laugh, to cry, to feel. Our lungs depend on the atmosphere right here on earth.Our minds are behind music, architecture, literature, the alphabet, reading,..everything! We were made in his image! What is being ticklish all about? Pain is a blessing. It is our built-in warning system to stop doing what we are doing (i.e. touching something hot) before we cause permanent damage. Our thoughtfully placed fingernails..so useful! Digestive systems that process innumerable food types. Our ability to love. The way our bodies bend to accommodate all types of activities. The way men and women fit together to make new life. The way a baby grows inside its mom. Laughing. Taste..thanks! Hiccups. Dreaming. Sleeping. Yawning. Sneezing. Memory. Being able to make up a story. Our fingerprints..no one exactly the same. We have been given incredible gifts. I know I take it for granted and have also not taken the best care of mine. God's creativity is absolutely amazing. He really thought of everything! Is there anything you find neat about the human body that I didn't mention?
Angela

More like an outline

2008-09-10T20:41:00.003-04:00

Holiness, holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness, holiness is what you want from me - Sonicflood

*I am fasting for 40 days from soda, specifically for the salvation of my unsaved friends and coworkers: Amanda, Nicole, Dad, Sheryl, Dimitri, Greg, Will, Drew, Ashlee Nicole, Babs, Mike B., Mike D., Tasha, Thomas.

*From Beth Moore's Believing God:
We can tear down with our words or build up with our words. We can encourage, or we can discourage.

God may bring forth results through different means or timetables than we pictured, but His Word says power is applied when we pray or speak in His name in faith.

No sin, no matter how momentarily pleasurable, comforting, or habitual, is worth missing what God has for us.

*Bible study last night was just me, Heather and Stefanie. We had informal discussion about marriage, and about loving as an action and not a feeling. This also applied to Stef's relationship with her dad.

* As I develop relationships with people who want to know God, I am aware that I have to be very careful. I am going to get hurt. When you love people who don't have God, they can't really love you back. Not in the right way, anyway. I remember how much more selfish I used to be,and how I would make everything about me..If I wasn't benefiting in any way, it wasn't worth it. It's a switch to see things from a different angle. My desire is to give, guide, and care for people. I'm going to get hurt. I am going to have to keep a clear head about everything, about God's glory, about who I can and can't be to others.

* I am currently reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

* I have a hard time grasping God's physical presence when I can't see it. I know he hears and answers my prayers. I wake up, have quiet time, go to work , think about Him all day, and when I get home, I feel like he's gone home for the day, too. Not that I don't obey him at this time, it's just a weird realization about the way I think. God doesn't take time off from being God just because I'm having down time.

*My friend/coworker Amanda is having a probably cancerous tumor removed tomorrow. My friends Catherine and Julie are having babies soon. Catherine is scheduled for a c-section next Thursday. She was really hoping to have a natural birth, but Baby's breach. If you would pray for my friends' and babies' health, I know God will listen!

*Will read the letter I wrote him. He is not ready to turn his life over yet, but he is being convicted. He told me he threw away all his girly magazines, and doesn't plan on buying more. My coworker Greg is going to buy a study Bible. On the other hand, a bunch of the guys we work with went to a strip club last week. That sparked some interesting conversations. I see God working. There is darkness all around, but light is shining in. Please pray for the strongholds of unbelief and spiritual blindness to be torn down among these people. God loves them so much.

* I am believing God for financial stuff because it has not been a good month so far. This is where I feel like I am falling off the cliff and waiting for God to catch me. I can't wait for him to grow my faith. It's what I want the most. When I finally get it into my head that God is big enough, I will really be free from the worrying I tend to do. I actually read in Psalm 38: "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it leads only to evil." Worrying leads to evil? Yes. Whenever we don't trust God, we try to do things our way. And that can get us in trouble. Plus, we miss out on seeing God do what he can do.

* I hope everyone is having a great week! EE-say ou-yay ater-lay!

Angela-hay

Opportunity

2008-09-03T22:22:00.005-04:00

Praise be to God who can use anyone who is willing. I asked yesterday for opportunity to tell others about God. I am not pushy. I am firm about what I know to be true, and if I believe that, then it is absolutely critical that I share what I know with others. But I'm not pushy. I was one of the early-in people at work, and I ran into my coworker Thomas who immediately started telling me that he was thinking about having a relationship with God, but he didn't think he had to go to church. I told him that the relationship was the most important thing, but it would be a really great idea if he started reading his Bible daily ( I don't think he has one yet). I love to watch as people grapple with coming to know God, as he works in their hearts, and leads conversations. It is so exciting. My day was off to a good start. Then came Adam. Adam is our kitchen manager, a portly young New York Italian, who has a cocky grin and a filthy mouth. I ask people not to curse around me at work, and most try to respect that. Adam respects it to a certain extent, but if at any time he forgets I'm around, I get an earful. And its not only him. I have asked him to come to church with me; he has expressed interest, but never committed to coming. It has become sort of a joke with us that when I hear him cussing, I'll say, "So, when are you coming to church with me?" He usually will make up some excuse or another, but I never force the issue; I just want him to know he is always welcome. Well, another woman we work with heard this exact exchange take place yesterday, and she got a little upset about it. She is from Taiwan, and I have heard her say before that she prays to her ancestors. I just kind of gave her an "ohhhh" look when she told me because I didn't know what to say. We are somewhat of friends, we've gone to the movies together a few times, but we don't really talk on a personal level very often. So, I was very surprised when she asked me if just because she didn't believe in my "religion", did that make her wrong? Then she stormed off, came around on the other side of the kitchen, and told me she just thought it was inappropriate to talk about it at work. She was really upset. Adam called her a jerk in my behalf, but not in those words. I said that I thought it was inappropriate for them to use foul and sexual language all the time. Besides, I wasn't pushing anything on Adam. He knows that. I was shaken by the incident: I have lost closeness with old friends because of my choice to follow God, but I have never before been hostilely attacked like that before. I felt sick for a while after that happened, but we never resolved the issue, we just let it go. We still are on speaking terms. My friend Heather said she went through something similar with a man we work with, but they were able to talk through the initial negativity and have a really good conversation. So maybe that will happen. After work I grabbed Starbucks with another friend from work, and we had a good hour of theological (friendly) debate. He (brought up Catholic, living life secularly) was telling me how cool the book of Revelation is, how all the stuff in there is actually coming to pass; we exchanged stories of things in our lives that had to do with God, although he says his sister and grandmother are seers ( they are from Kenya). He then said that he believes in God, but that he just doesn't think that, for instance, his Muslim neighbor, who leads a very "pure" lifestyle, will go to hell just because he's not a Christian. He gave an example of a bunch of hands(religions) all pointing to the same ball (God)..it didn't really matter which hand you were looking to for direction. I told him as much as I could about works vs. faith, that Jesus did in fact claim to be the ONLY way to the Father, but he isn't convinced. We talked for quite some time, but I was slightly frustrated because I said that Christianity is the only religion that claims to be the only true religion, and he said that wasn't true..I am pretty sure I heard that before, but I guess Islam thinks the same thing.
This is where I feel I need to do the most studying. I want to know more about other religions so that I know what the exact differences are, and how to explain it. I know that Jesus is who he says he is. When I got home last night, I wrote my coworker a long letter..I actually still need to finish it. I was able to more coherently explain why the Bible is true..the fact that he himself was talking about the prophecies being fulfilled in the beginning of our conversation, the fact that Jesus fulfilled all of the prophecies of his coming, who I am now compared to who I was B.C... and trust me, I wrote that letter in love, and filled it with scripture, so that he can see that there is not some random God(s) floating around out there, not worried about how our lives are going. He knows us by name, and he desires that none should perish but that all should be saved. Pray for him, please. His name is Will. We saw a poster in Starbucks appealing to young (teenage) gay, lesbian, and transgendered kids to join a support group to talk about their feelings as young homosexuals. Why, my God, is it more socially acceptable to cross-dress than it is to go to church? I am not being condescending, I am just hurting for the state this country is entering. But I will be encouraged, because God is moving.

Isaiah 5:20 (New International Version)
20 Woe to those who call evil good
and good evil,
who put darkness for light
and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
and sweet for bitter.
1 Peter 4:12
12Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 14If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 15If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. 16However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 17For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18And,
"If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"[a]
19So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

We are going to need to be able to take rejection, because the alternative is keeping quiet.
Love,
Angela

2 Corinithians 3:4-6

2008-08-31T21:34:00.003-04:00

2 Corinthians 3:4-6 (New International Version)

4Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. 5Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

What are your thoughts on this verse?

In God we Trust

2008-08-29T23:49:00.003-04:00

I was reading this blog by Leanne Rice, who works for Proverbs 31 Ministries. Take a look, and please visit the web site mentioned and cast your vote. Many people would be happy to see God removed from our country completely, and that, my friends, would be the scariest thing imaginable. You don't have to look too hard to see what is going on in places that don't acknowledge the One True God. Let's make time to pray for our nation and our leadership, also. I found this Prayer for the Nation at Shonda's blog, and it is pretty awesome and specific. Praying to remain one nation, under God-
Angela

Me, from A to Z

2008-08-28T20:37:00.005-04:00

Tagged!!
I've been tagged by Kathy of Blessed Builder.
I’m supposed to share an Alphabet story, the A to Z 's of me.

Attached or Single? Single

Best Friend? Jesus

Cake or Pie? Cake..and ice cream

Day of Choice? Sunday..it's my quiet me-time day.

Essential Item? Laptop.

Flavour of Ice cream? Mint Chocolate Chip.

Gummy Bears of Worms? Worms.

Hometown? Centreville, VA

Indulgences? Bubble baths.

January or July? July...January kind of a let down after December.

Kids? No, unless you mean baby goats, and then my answer is no.

Last Movie I saw in a Theater? Wanted. I left with my mouth hanging open because of all of the violence and cursing. I have made up my mind to really censor what I watch.

Middle Name? Catherine

Number of Siblings? 2

Oranges or Apples? Oranges.

Phobia or Fear? Fear.

Quote? a new favorite: "One out of ten Americans think Joan of Arc was Noah's wife"- Dinesh D'Sousa

Reason to Smile? Seeing God in everyday life.

Season? Autumn.

Tag five more: Edie, Jennifer, Mariel, Stephanie, and Jim.

Unknown Fact About Me? My favorite scent is "Moonlight Path" from Bath & Bodyworks.

Vegeterian or Oppressor of Animals? Meat. It's whats for dinner.

Worst Habit? Correcting people when they use the wrong word...and laughing at them.

Xrays or Ultrasounds? Oh, don't make me choose...

Your favourite Food? Anything spicy..

Zodiac? Aries.

So there you have it, a snapshot of me, written quickly, A to Z.

My Passion: No, really.

2008-08-26T21:44:00.005-04:00

After tonight's Bible study, I think I can say that one of my biggest passions is being able to understand and accurately convey God's message to others. We had our second meeting tonight, and Babs came. She is a girl we work with, who has a very limited knowledge of who Christ is; she said she wasn't brought up going to church or hearing about God. She didn't know what to do when we prayed before our discussion time. It is easy to take for granted that everyone in America has SOME background knowledge of God, but that is not the case. After our discussion time (about temptations) I felt it was important that Babs know what the whole back story on who Jesus is, and why we choose to live our lives the way the Bible tells us to. So, it was left to me to tell her about God's plan of redemption for mankind. I felt inadequate, and like maybe I didn't explain it as thoroughly or as structured as I could have, but I did my best. I know that kind of thing takes practice, but I kind of felt like she would think I was crazy to believe a story like that. I explained that if we look at our lives as miracles in themselves, then it's not as hard to accept a miracle maker (though not in those words). Hopefully I didn't leave anything out, and I know that God can speak through any willing mouth, so if anyone wants to back up that message to Babs in prayer I would certainly appreciate it. Pray that God would construct my words in a way that makes sense and touches her heart, and that she would come to know Christ as Lord and Savior. Also, more and more opportunities present themselves at my job; two non-Christians have a wager going over a game of spades: loser has to go to church with me! Um..mysterious ways, anyone? Greg, who is gay, is coming to me with his spiritual questions. God is being talked about. A lot. It is pretty darn exciting. My passion is to help these people in their journey to know God by answering their questions, and saying just the right thing that will open their eyes..I know that prayer is going to be the main propellant in that area..He is the one that removes the veil, I just want to help him tear it down!!

What's Your Passion?

2008-08-24T20:57:00.002-04:00

My passion is..I'll let you know when I don't have writers' block anymore. I have written and erased several times the answers I've come up with because I don't feel my heart in this post right at this moment. So, I'll just tell you that I went to the park today with a blanket, my mp3 player, a bottle of sparkling Strawberry-Kiwi water, and Beth Moore's Believing God, which I just started today. I picked a spot in the middle of an empty field that is encircled with a drive that loops around the grass and past the small lake with a large fountain in the middle. There was a man sitting in his car while his small child played with his scooter nearby in the gravel overflow parking lot. I was parked there also, and thought it was strange that he was sitting in his car. About five minutes after I was situated and reading, the man was out of his car and running around with the child about ten? feet from me, which was not necessary because it's a BIG field, and I was the only one out there. I was listening to music as I read, but I heard him say "Looks like you're having fun", he said it again before I realized he was talking to me. I looked up from my book and smiled and said "just reading" as in..leave me alone, please! He mumbled something like "ain't nothin wrong with that", but I chose to ignore him. Frankly, he was weirding me out. So I closed my eyes, turned up my music, and said a little prayer for God to send me protection, just in case. I didnt look up for a few minutes after that, but it was quiet and when I did look up, the man and the child were gone..as in they had gotten in their car and drove away. I turned a little further and I was very surprised to see a car parked in the field beside a pair of trees..a county police cruiser! It hadn't been there before.
I will answer the question "what's your passion" from Edie as soon as my brain starts working again..it's hard to narrow it down!

Isaiah 43 ... Verse 1

2008-08-22T09:01:00.005-04:00

Isaiah 43
Israel's Only Savior
1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

There is so much that I love in this chapter of Isaiah. Verse one speaks to me, because I identify so much with being redeemed.
re·deem (r-dm)
tr.v. re·deemed, re·deem·ing, re·deems
1. To recover ownership of by paying a specified sum.
2. To pay off (a promissory note, for example).
3. To turn in (coupons, for example) and receive something in exchange
4. To fulfill (a pledge, for example
5. To convert into cash: redeem stocks.
6. To set free; rescue or ransom.
7. To save from a state of sinfulness and its consequences.See Synonyms at save1.
8. To make up for: The low price of the clothes dryer redeems its lack of special features.
9. To restore the honor, worth, or reputation of: You botched the last job but can redeem yourself on this one.

He loves us more than we can fathom. We can trust him. He has kept his word, fulfilled his promise, set us free, and restored our honor. He alone is worthy to be praised.
Jesus is the love of my life. I know that no one will ever know me as well and love me so completely as he does. I now know what people mean when they say they are "in love" with Jesus, because I find myself with that faraway look in my eyes, and that slight smile playing on my lips as I go through my day, and we share things, he and I. He has won my heart, because he is a million times better than any hero in any story. He died. For me. He is jealous for me. He wants only the best for me. He fights my enemies. He restores my honor. He provides for even my smallest prayers. He is listening. He is speaking to me through his word, and through other people. He died. For you. He is jealous for you. He wants only the best for you.He fights your enemies. He restores your honor. He provides for even your smallest prayers. He is listening. He is speaking to you through his word, and through other people. He loves us. Do you love him?

You are an Amazing God

2008-08-16T23:52:00.006-04:00

Joshua 3:5
5 Joshua told the people, "Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."

You know how God will put a certain verse in your path several times in the course of a week? This is one I've heard a couple times recently, and usually that means God is trying to tell me something. I read it once in "The Beloved Disciple" by Beth Moore, and it stuck out to me then, but when I stumbled upon it a second time (don't exactly remember where, I read my Bible and I read tons of blogs about God), I got excited. How many verses are in the Bible altogether? Hold on, let me find out. According to this, 31,102. That's a lot of different verses. So, I know that God speaks to us through his written word, and I know that when the words grab us, it is because something has struck a resonant chord within us, and our hearts feel that tug that says "This is for you". I think it is an awesome verse, very exciting, and pretty simple. Consecrate means to "set apart, to keep holy", and the rest is pretty self-explanatory. If we are setting ourselves apart as holy to be used by God, then he will do amazing things among us.
For example, I attend a church that has a lot of people who used to be down and out, as in: drug use, homelessness, gang life, many people that others would look down on. They have seen alot of trouble in their lives, admittedly much of it self-inflicted. I have to say, though, that I feel a sincerity in the love for Jesus at this church that outshines many I've been to, and they also sincerely love each other. One lady that has been coming for a year, Zakiyah, stood in front of a crowd of 2,000 tonight and gave her testimony of what God has done in her life recently. She has been coming to church about a year, and gave her life to Christ shortly after she started attending. She has, in her own words, gotten closer and closer to Jesus during this time, getting up at 5:30 each morning to spend time with her God.
She has had a hard time finding work, she told us, because she has five, count em', FIVE felonies under her belt. She didn't say for what, but she does have three daughters to raise, so it would suck not to be able to provide for them. She recently wrote Tim Kaine, the governor of Virginia, and praise God, she found favor in the governor's eyes, because she has been officially pardoned of ALL FIVE FELONIES! I am not an advocate of soft crime punishment by any means, but her heart has been transformed by a powerful God, and he saw fit to pardon her here on earth as he surely will when she stands before him in heaven. She set herself apart for him, and he did amazing things in her life. It was apparently a "God Rocks" kind of night at my church, because we have also been granted permission to send 8-10 people in to work Monday through Friday in the PUBLIC school system here in Richmond. We will have our own office, and kids can come for mentoring, tutoring, and I'm not sure what else, but I know that when the kids get in trouble they will have to do community hours at our church..I know it will be the best thing to happen ever in some kids' lives. Thank you, God, that you are so big!
I have still been having a rough time at work money-wise, and my attitude hasn't been great, but it is changing. I am not singing Zippadeedooda, but I am kind of "so what"ing bad situations instead of getting upset about them. God is teaching me to trust him through good and bad, and it is important to me to learn that.
Bible study on Tuesday night was completely awesome, it was my co-leader, Heather and I, and two girls from work: Amanda and Stefanie. Both girls are not living Christian lives currently, but praise God, they have the desire and Amanda at least is making huge changes in her lifestyle after dedicating her life to Christ two weeks ago. She even told Stefanie, who was a strong Christian at one point but has fallen away, that if Stef wanted to call and discuss things she learns in her quiet time, she would love to be there for her to talk with! You go, you new little Christian! We had awesome conversation and really opened up to each other. What a blessing to be able to take part in sharing God's love for these girls.
God gave us free will. We can do things our way, conforming to this world and taking its' empty pleasures as our profit. Or we can say "NO" to the the things that keep us in bondage to unholiness. That is when God can work in our situation. It takes faith to set yourself apart, because you have to believe that there is a reason you are doing it. God operates on the faith of his people.
Zakiyah set herself apart from her past, choosing a bright future with the Lord. He has done amazing things for her and through her, as she ministers to others in the body of Christ. Amanda is choosing to set herself apart, and is transforming before our eyes.
So, this week let's consecrate ourselves- set ourselves apart as holy, so that the Lord will do amazing things among us! Amazing means you'll be standing around with your mouth open, by the way. Maybe with a letter of full pardon from the governor in your hand.

Who cares about a title?

2008-08-12T15:58:00.008-04:00

1 Samuel 24
David Spares Saul's Life
1 After Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, he was told, "David is in the Desert of En Gedi." 2 So Saul took three thousand chosen men from all Israel and set out to look for David and his men near the Crags of the Wild Goats.
3 He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and Saul went in to relieve himself. David and his men were far back in the cave. 4 The men said, "This is the day the LORD spoke of when he said [a] to you, 'I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.' " Then David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul's robe.

5 Afterward, David was conscience-stricken for having cut off a corner of his robe. 6 He said to his men, "The LORD forbid that I should do such a thing to my master, the LORD's anointed, or lift my hand against him; for he is the anointed of the LORD." 7 With these words David rebuked his men and did not allow them to attack Saul. And Saul left the cave and went his way.

8 Then David went out of the cave and called out to Saul, "My lord the king!" When Saul looked behind him, David bowed down and prostrated himself with his face to the ground. 9 He said to Saul, "Why do you listen when men say, 'David is bent on harming you'? 10 This day you have seen with your own eyes how the LORD delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the LORD's anointed.' 11 See, my father, look at this piece of your robe in my hand! I cut off the corner of your robe but did not kill you. Now understand and recognize that I am not guilty of wrongdoing or rebellion. I have not wronged you, but you are hunting me down to take my life. 12 May the LORD judge between you and me. And may the LORD avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. 13 As the old saying goes, 'From evildoers come evil deeds,' so my hand will not touch you.

14 "Against whom has the king of Israel come out? Whom are you pursuing? A dead dog? A flea? 15 May the LORD be our judge and decide between us. May he consider my cause and uphold it; may he vindicate me by delivering me from your hand."

16 When David finished saying this, Saul asked, "Is that your voice, David my son?" And he wept aloud. 17 "You are more righteous than I," he said. "You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly. 18 You have just now told me of the good you did to me; the LORD delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. 19 When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the LORD reward you well for the way you treated me today. 20 I know that you will surely be king and that the kingdom of Israel will be established in your hands. 21 Now swear to me by the LORD that you will not cut off my descendants or wipe out my name from my father's family."

22 So David gave his oath to Saul. Then Saul returned home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold.

David had the chance to kill Saul. Saul certainly had tried to kill David, numerous times, in fact! He was jealous of and afraid of David, because the Lord was with him, and he was a mighty warrior. Saul was out to get David. He knew God was planning to give David the throne of Israel, which was bad news for Saul, as he was the current king. But David chose to obey God, and not to kill Saul, even when he had the perfect opportunity. No one would have thought him wrong to do it, but David cared more about what God thought. So, he spared Saul's life, and postponed his rule as king of Israel. He waited on God's timing, even though he could have ended his immediate problems, which included living on the run, always fearing a knife in the back. He life was in danger. Every day. He could have justified his actions, but he chose to let God handle it. And God got the glory, because Saul and all three of his sons died on the same day a little while later, clearing the throne for none other than merciful, obedient David. David also had the opportunity, after this encounter with Saul, to write more of the book of Psalms, which have spoken to peoples' hearts for three thousand years.
I am struggling with God's seeming inaction in my current circumstances. I am finding myself falling for a man who is not a Christian. I am becoming discontent in my job. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that I absolutely cannot go down that road with this guy, but some attention sure seems better than the none I have from my "Mr. Right" that God is taking his sweet time bringing around. Friends, please pray for me to find my strength and self-control in the Lord, and for peace and intimate relationship in the waiting time. I am feeling a bit left behind, also, as friends move on to other jobs (to places I DO NOT feel called, so it's not jealousy), but as I wait for God to call me elsewhere, I feel..forgotten about. I could see how hard it would have been for David not to just kill Saul, take the throne and forget about his anxiety-filled life on the run. Wouldn't it have been nice for him to feel peaceful and taken care of? But he chose obedience over expedience and ease, and was greatly rewarded. His relationship with God was strengthened, and you just know God's heart was pleased by his trust. God, give me a heart like David's. I get tired of waiting for God, and feel like maybe my own way isn't so bad. This is where I must battle feelings with truth. That's been my struggle the past week or so, but I know that I will continue to trust God, because there is no other way.
This sermon, by Dr. Michael Youssef, is what I draw today's post from.

My weekend

2008-08-10T19:05:00.003-04:00

I'm ready for a nap.

Gragh

2008-08-06T23:49:00.003-04:00

My coworker Babs told me tonight that her sister was in school to be an anesthitician, and that she was going to visit her sister and they would practice on her by giving her a free eyebrow waxing and facial. I was confused. Do they have to knock you out to do that? Apparently anesthetician doesn't have anything to do with anesthisiology. It's a beauty thing. Oh.

Babs is going to be coming to our Bible study, which we have decided to switch to Tuesday nights, which will work better with peoples' schedules. Amanda, who I wrote about last time, is coming also. The time it is taking to get this thing rolling is kinda driving me nuts.

I had a tough night at work, money-wise. I feel like I may be under spiritual attack, because I never make consistently bad tips like I did tonight. I have been reading Beth Moore's "When Godly People do UnGodly things", which is all about arming yourself against demonic attacks. I know I am going to learn how to put on the full armor of God, and I also am sure satan is not happy about that. I know that one night of bad money does not mean God has forsaken me, and I choose to praise him and thank him for his faithfulness. That is what he wants from me, to trust when things don't "look" good. I know He is good. It was hard to keep a positive attitude, but I am learning. I really want to learn to be content no matter what my circumstances look like. It's a scary thing to want, but I know that God values my heart and my character, and I want them to reflect Him. So, if I need to be refined, then let's do it. If I don't write again anytime soon, it's because he's sent me to a third-world country and I'm staring down a camel. But don't worry, I'm content.