Have you ever prayed a scary prayer? One that put your heart's desires and your sense of security at risk? On the last day of January I prayed such a prayer.
So I have been keeping it on the DL, but I have fallen hard for a man at church. Only my closest friends know (and they know EVERYTHING) that for the past 7 months or so this man has been on my mind and gradually earned a place as one of my dear friends.
Here's the catch (and with me there usually IS one)..he had taken a vow of NO DATING for an entire year. We started hanging out in May, I believe, and since early June my feelings for him have been growing. He is a Godly man, devoted to a life's pursuit of the Lord Jesus Christ. He has a missional heart, and I respect so much about him. He is also pre-med at a local university. He may or may not be four years younger than I am.
I knew he was unavailable until February of 2010, so this gave me the opportunity (forced me) to just be his friend. We have hung out so many times in the past 6 months, and the more I got to know him, the more I decided that he was "The One". There are certain aspects of his character I have been praying for God to mature, but all in all I could see us being a great team for God..we both want the same essential things in life, and though we argue like little kids at times, I knew with hard work and God at the center, that a relationship between us could work.
The only thing that kept nagging me was the fact that I thought about him SO much. I would be trying to pray, and I would start daydreaming about something he said to me (or the motorcycle ride we took in the country). I prayed and prayed for God to be first in my affections and my thought life, but it wasn't happening. Since I saw God moving in our relationship,(through answered prayer and different affirmations), I didn't crack down on it like I should have.
I confided in close, Godly women for help and advice. My friends told me to continue to pray about it, to be his friend, but not to get my hopes up. He showed interest, but I definitely read into things as well. I am a typical woman who likes to analyze EVERYTHING. We hung out almost every weekend (in groups).Eventually people started to ask me where he was when he wasn't at a function, and several people have asked if we were interested in each other (ok, more than several..like everyone who knows us). This really confirmed things for me. As his time grew closer that he would be able to date again, I was nervous, but I was also confident. He has said things to me that you don't say to "just a friend". He asked me to go to the movies (he had already seen the movie, and he forgot to invite anyone else). The way he looked at me sometimes..There were definite times when I felt him pulling away, but as a man who was supposed to be focusing solely on God, I knew he was just keeping himself in check. Even my friends were less guarded with their encouragement. I was getting excited, reading books on relationships and praying for God to bring us together.
So, back to the scary prayer part. As I said before, one thing had nagged me throughout this whole process. While I feel more ready for a healthy (finally) relationship( and I really do..I feel I have really realistic views of what love is now more so than I ever have before), I still spent the majority of my time thinking about him. So on January 31, I prayed a scary prayer. I asked God to give him boldness to speak to me about our relationship, and I also told God that if this relationship was hindering my relationship with HIM (God) that I needed him to take it away from me.
God answered. I will tell you how next time.. dunh dunh dunh
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Still
I am still living with friends. My new place will be ready soon, and I wonder what God has for me next. This has been an amazing couple months. I believe that God has grown me immensely through this time.
I LOVE my privacy. I love personal space. So it was not the easiest thing for me to pack all of my belongings and put them in storage, and squeeze the 'necessary" into one bedroom. I admit to being a bit depressed as the two week waiting period for the new place kept getting pushed back. Now, over two months later, I can say that I am thankful for this time.
I got a great opportunity to be a part of the Massie family. Chris and Julie took me in once before, when I first moved to Richmond, and they are so gracious and giving. I have gotten to know my "nephew" Spencer and I can say that I am pretty much in love. He is the funniest kid ever. I have had the chance to save some money, which has been a huge blessing. And I have gotten to see what it means to be a part of a family, not just worrying about my own agenda. It has been trying at times, but I love it. I will be sad to leave.
I am most likely going to be sharing my bedroom in the new place because I have a sister from church who needs a place to stay while she is waiting to move to the Dominican Republic to work with Haitian refugees in July. This will be a challenge also. I am excited about it. I want to be more like Jesus, and this is His way. To give of yourself.
It's been a couple months of me dealing with the loss of things. Loss of privacy, sleep (My room is next to the room of an adorable loud little baby), most of my CDs (my whole case is gone from my car), my entire set of keys fell in the snow before Christmas somewhere downtown..some little things, some not so little..led to a big pity party. I was not focused on others, just on me and my "don't haves". Couple that with the fact that I am doing all of this to move downtown to be closer to church and I have never lived in a truly urban place in my life.
WHAT AM I DOING? It's crossed my mind. All I can say is that through this time God has showed me that it's okay. It's okay to lose things that I feel I need. Life goes on. I am still here, and when I put my focus back on the Lord, on reaching out and loving others..I was absolutely fine!! I am not grumbling anymore. I am happy. I am content. This year is going to be an exciting one..
Philippians 4:12
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Oh..if you have time check out the page I created for my friend Bekkah..she is an amazing woman of God who needs some help getting to Uganda so that she can work with the orphans.
I LOVE my privacy. I love personal space. So it was not the easiest thing for me to pack all of my belongings and put them in storage, and squeeze the 'necessary" into one bedroom. I admit to being a bit depressed as the two week waiting period for the new place kept getting pushed back. Now, over two months later, I can say that I am thankful for this time.
I got a great opportunity to be a part of the Massie family. Chris and Julie took me in once before, when I first moved to Richmond, and they are so gracious and giving. I have gotten to know my "nephew" Spencer and I can say that I am pretty much in love. He is the funniest kid ever. I have had the chance to save some money, which has been a huge blessing. And I have gotten to see what it means to be a part of a family, not just worrying about my own agenda. It has been trying at times, but I love it. I will be sad to leave.
I am most likely going to be sharing my bedroom in the new place because I have a sister from church who needs a place to stay while she is waiting to move to the Dominican Republic to work with Haitian refugees in July. This will be a challenge also. I am excited about it. I want to be more like Jesus, and this is His way. To give of yourself.
It's been a couple months of me dealing with the loss of things. Loss of privacy, sleep (My room is next to the room of an adorable loud little baby), most of my CDs (my whole case is gone from my car), my entire set of keys fell in the snow before Christmas somewhere downtown..some little things, some not so little..led to a big pity party. I was not focused on others, just on me and my "don't haves". Couple that with the fact that I am doing all of this to move downtown to be closer to church and I have never lived in a truly urban place in my life.
WHAT AM I DOING? It's crossed my mind. All I can say is that through this time God has showed me that it's okay. It's okay to lose things that I feel I need. Life goes on. I am still here, and when I put my focus back on the Lord, on reaching out and loving others..I was absolutely fine!! I am not grumbling anymore. I am happy. I am content. This year is going to be an exciting one..
Philippians 4:12
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
Oh..if you have time check out the page I created for my friend Bekkah..she is an amazing woman of God who needs some help getting to Uganda so that she can work with the orphans.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
You put the chimi in chimichangas.
I am in a transition process at the moment.. I have given up my beloved apartment in which I have lived for the past four years. I am now staying with one of my best friends and her family while I wait for my new place to be move-in ready,
I have decided that I want to move downtown..or rather that I don't feel a peace about staying in my comfort zone anymore. I am called to a church whose heart is the city of Richmond, and so I think it will be awesome to be more accessible to the community and my church family, many of whom are college students and live fairly close to my new place.
It will definitely be a big change. I will be living in a pretty sketchy part of town. I have been a suburbanite my whole life, and I truly prefer country peace to city clamor, but I know where God has called me for this season of my life, and that He will equip me to do every good work which he has prepared beforehand for me to walk in..so I am excited! I was scared for about a week, because honestly the house I am moving into hasn't been lived in for 4 years, and when my new downstairs duplex sharer (landlady) was showing me the place it was nighttime and she was looking into all the rooms for vagrants before we would go in. Wasn't exactly the best sell I've ever seen. She plans to do big renovations and make the place awesome, so I will just be excited for this new adventure and trust that God will see me through.
One thing God has been teaching me is the joy of living for His glory and setting myself aside as much as I can. You truly do need Christ at the center to have a balanced life. When it is all about Him (and it IS, so let me rephrase and say when we REALIZE it's all about Him) it takes so much pressure off of us..pressure to conform to the world's standards, to strive after what they call success, what they call beauty, what they call fulfilled. Because if they are so fulfilled, why are they so unhappy? Because we are only truly fulfilled in knowing and being known by God. When we are the center of our universe, we collapse under the weight.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I have been a little scattered lately: I guess moving does that to you; but my constant is God. I am glad that he never changes. Wherever I go, whatever my circumstances..he is the same.
Ok I am very sleepy and I have an early class at church in the morning so goodnight blogworld.
I have decided that I want to move downtown..or rather that I don't feel a peace about staying in my comfort zone anymore. I am called to a church whose heart is the city of Richmond, and so I think it will be awesome to be more accessible to the community and my church family, many of whom are college students and live fairly close to my new place.
It will definitely be a big change. I will be living in a pretty sketchy part of town. I have been a suburbanite my whole life, and I truly prefer country peace to city clamor, but I know where God has called me for this season of my life, and that He will equip me to do every good work which he has prepared beforehand for me to walk in..so I am excited! I was scared for about a week, because honestly the house I am moving into hasn't been lived in for 4 years, and when my new downstairs duplex sharer (landlady) was showing me the place it was nighttime and she was looking into all the rooms for vagrants before we would go in. Wasn't exactly the best sell I've ever seen. She plans to do big renovations and make the place awesome, so I will just be excited for this new adventure and trust that God will see me through.
One thing God has been teaching me is the joy of living for His glory and setting myself aside as much as I can. You truly do need Christ at the center to have a balanced life. When it is all about Him (and it IS, so let me rephrase and say when we REALIZE it's all about Him) it takes so much pressure off of us..pressure to conform to the world's standards, to strive after what they call success, what they call beauty, what they call fulfilled. Because if they are so fulfilled, why are they so unhappy? Because we are only truly fulfilled in knowing and being known by God. When we are the center of our universe, we collapse under the weight.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. I have been a little scattered lately: I guess moving does that to you; but my constant is God. I am glad that he never changes. Wherever I go, whatever my circumstances..he is the same.
Ok I am very sleepy and I have an early class at church in the morning so goodnight blogworld.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Please pray
Hey friends I need your help. My dad was taking down a broken tree in the yard on Thursday and the trunk separated and fell on him, breaking his arm badly and possibly cracking his ribs. He had surgery Friday, and was supposed to be released Saturday. Unfortunately, now they think he has developed pneumonia.
My mom is a nurse and she says that happens sometimes when you are on all of the meds post surgery and your lungs aren't getting a ton of air cause you're laying down all of the time. Anyway, I just ask that you would pray for him to be healed quickly and that God would comfort him at this time..even drawing my dad into a more real relationship with Him. This is not my biological dad, but (thank God) he raised me. He is a good man and he always thinks of others. I am not sure about his relationship with God, but I get the feeling that being around three Christian women (my mom, my sister, and at long last me!) that he has given it some thought!
His name is Mike and I love him very much so please pray for my dad to get better soon! I have never seen him out of commission like this before so it's pretty scary! I also ask you to pray that he would not develop a dependency on pain medication..for some reason this has been on my heart. Love you all and I thank you for lifting my dad up in your prayers.
My mom is a nurse and she says that happens sometimes when you are on all of the meds post surgery and your lungs aren't getting a ton of air cause you're laying down all of the time. Anyway, I just ask that you would pray for him to be healed quickly and that God would comfort him at this time..even drawing my dad into a more real relationship with Him. This is not my biological dad, but (thank God) he raised me. He is a good man and he always thinks of others. I am not sure about his relationship with God, but I get the feeling that being around three Christian women (my mom, my sister, and at long last me!) that he has given it some thought!
His name is Mike and I love him very much so please pray for my dad to get better soon! I have never seen him out of commission like this before so it's pretty scary! I also ask you to pray that he would not develop a dependency on pain medication..for some reason this has been on my heart. Love you all and I thank you for lifting my dad up in your prayers.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Home again
There were great things about Greece. I got to meet a large group of extended family, I danced to Greek bazouki music at a christening party, I swam in pristine blue water, and I saw a 2500 year old temple. Aegina was gorgeous, although more dry than I expected. Greece has a definite Middle Eastern vibe to it, rather than European. It was not what I expected. I am grateful that I got to spend time with my family, but I was homesick a LOT. I am glad to be back on American soil. This truly is a great country.
Top ten reasons I am glad to be home:
1. My beach reading in Greece was "The Case for Faith". My stepmom's was "The God Delusion".
2. The primary religion in Greece is Greek Orthodox. This involves saint worship and has little to no impact on the way the people live their lives. It is idol worship and the people don't actually have a relationship with the Lord. My cousins were the godparents in a christening I attended there. They are not even slightly Christian. Religion there is just part of being Greek.
3. You can't flush toilet paper. The plumbing system can't handle it. You have to throw used toilet paper in the garbage.
4. The roads in Aegina are curvy and ascend and descend mountains. My dad was driving our rental car, which was a 1989-1990 Fiat Scudo mini-bus with a stick shift. There are not guard rails on the roads. We narrowly escaped death numerous times.
5. They have nothing but Greek food there.
6. I missed my church family terribly. I was surrounded by non-believers for two weeks straight, and it really made me sad. It was a great time to witness to them and pray for them, but the family I have that lives in Greece don't even speak English, so it was hard to have a conversation. Hopefully I planted some seed of truth among the lies that dictate the way my family lives their lives.
7. NOBODY spoke English.
8. EVERYBODY smokes. By the end of the vacation, cigarettes were starting to look good to me again, even though I haven't smoked in years. You get over the smell eventually, I guess, if you're around it long enough.
10. Oh, mercy, the time difference. 7 hours ahead over there. I have got some major jet lag.
As I reflect on my vacation, I know I was there for a reason. There were many things that went wrong while I was there..I really didn't have a great time. People were on edge, nothing went according to plan, my brother got an ear infection, our quad (four-wheeler) ran out of gas, our mini-bus had a dozen things go wrong, the maid left a cigarette in the toilet..etc. etc. There were moments of hilarity because if you didn't laugh, you'd cry. I had so many people praying for my family to know Christ that I know there was definite spiritual opposition going on. It was a reminder to me that these people I hardly ever see are greatly in need of the living God. Also, it calls me to pray for Aegina, an island full of people who need the Gospel.
As I transition back into my life here, with my church, and with my Bible study, I will not forget to pray for them. I am glad to be home, but I am reminded that this world is temporary, and that there are still so many things left to do! Being around no Christians made it painfully obvious that without Christ, there is NO hope. I really want to keep this with me as I go about my day to day.
Love y'all.
Top ten reasons I am glad to be home:
1. My beach reading in Greece was "The Case for Faith". My stepmom's was "The God Delusion".
2. The primary religion in Greece is Greek Orthodox. This involves saint worship and has little to no impact on the way the people live their lives. It is idol worship and the people don't actually have a relationship with the Lord. My cousins were the godparents in a christening I attended there. They are not even slightly Christian. Religion there is just part of being Greek.
3. You can't flush toilet paper. The plumbing system can't handle it. You have to throw used toilet paper in the garbage.
4. The roads in Aegina are curvy and ascend and descend mountains. My dad was driving our rental car, which was a 1989-1990 Fiat Scudo mini-bus with a stick shift. There are not guard rails on the roads. We narrowly escaped death numerous times.
5. They have nothing but Greek food there.
6. I missed my church family terribly. I was surrounded by non-believers for two weeks straight, and it really made me sad. It was a great time to witness to them and pray for them, but the family I have that lives in Greece don't even speak English, so it was hard to have a conversation. Hopefully I planted some seed of truth among the lies that dictate the way my family lives their lives.
7. NOBODY spoke English.
8. EVERYBODY smokes. By the end of the vacation, cigarettes were starting to look good to me again, even though I haven't smoked in years. You get over the smell eventually, I guess, if you're around it long enough.
10. Oh, mercy, the time difference. 7 hours ahead over there. I have got some major jet lag.
As I reflect on my vacation, I know I was there for a reason. There were many things that went wrong while I was there..I really didn't have a great time. People were on edge, nothing went according to plan, my brother got an ear infection, our quad (four-wheeler) ran out of gas, our mini-bus had a dozen things go wrong, the maid left a cigarette in the toilet..etc. etc. There were moments of hilarity because if you didn't laugh, you'd cry. I had so many people praying for my family to know Christ that I know there was definite spiritual opposition going on. It was a reminder to me that these people I hardly ever see are greatly in need of the living God. Also, it calls me to pray for Aegina, an island full of people who need the Gospel.
As I transition back into my life here, with my church, and with my Bible study, I will not forget to pray for them. I am glad to be home, but I am reminded that this world is temporary, and that there are still so many things left to do! Being around no Christians made it painfully obvious that without Christ, there is NO hope. I really want to keep this with me as I go about my day to day.
Love y'all.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Like an Indian summer, but no Indians..well..maybe one..
This summer has been one of the best I can remember. I have been involved in a Biblical community in a way that I have longed for..a group of friends that is there for each other..doing life TOGETHER. I am humbled and inspired by these people because every minute of every day is devoted to honoring God..whether we are bowling, having a cookout, playing a game of softball, whatever.. God is the focus. Bringing people in to a family of believers to encourage them daily is what my church emphasizes. It has been a huge blessing to me. I am growing (and not without growing pains..change is not my favorite thing) and being challenged to walk the walk ALL the time.. I know I haven't been writing on a regular basis but please know that I miss you all! I just wanted to share some fun pics from the past couple months..
This is when we scored big with 1 dollar game night at a place cleverly named "The Bowling Alley".
On July 19, I got baptized in the James River in downtown Richmond at a park called Belle Isle. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, and it was beautiful to gather with my church family, my friends and my parents to show my dedication to Jesus. Also, they had a surprise for me. Instead of the pastor baptizing me, they secretly asked my friend Trent to do it. It was an awesome, awesome day.
We took a trip to DC the day before the baptism..not a huge thing for me since I grew up there but it was fun to go with my friends! One of my friends is obsessed with the metro. We played games while we were waiting for the trains and entertained the other passengers.
And we went for a hike in the mountains..
There have been some sad changes, too. My coleader Tuesday nights moved last weekend and I actually was presented with the opportunity to colead a small group for my church. So, with sadness, I will end my work-based Bible study, but with joy I will continue teaching women about the Lord. The best part is that it will still be on the same night, and hopefully I will have some of the same women attend the new Bible study. Then they will be able to meet the girls from church and form great, godly friendships and have accountability. The next pics are from our last night together. We went to Maggianos and when we came out there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky.
I am getting ready to go on vacation. When I get back, summer will be mostly over. I am almost sad that I will miss the rest of the fun times, but I know this vacation will be awesome.Please pray for me to be able to be a witness to my unsaved family members and to be able to really use my free time to be in the Word. I will tell you where I went when I get back! And..there will be more pictures, I'm sure! Thanks for letting me share my summer with you! How is yours going?
This is when we scored big with 1 dollar game night at a place cleverly named "The Bowling Alley".
On July 19, I got baptized in the James River in downtown Richmond at a park called Belle Isle. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, and it was beautiful to gather with my church family, my friends and my parents to show my dedication to Jesus. Also, they had a surprise for me. Instead of the pastor baptizing me, they secretly asked my friend Trent to do it. It was an awesome, awesome day.
We took a trip to DC the day before the baptism..not a huge thing for me since I grew up there but it was fun to go with my friends! One of my friends is obsessed with the metro. We played games while we were waiting for the trains and entertained the other passengers.
And we went for a hike in the mountains..
There have been some sad changes, too. My coleader Tuesday nights moved last weekend and I actually was presented with the opportunity to colead a small group for my church. So, with sadness, I will end my work-based Bible study, but with joy I will continue teaching women about the Lord. The best part is that it will still be on the same night, and hopefully I will have some of the same women attend the new Bible study. Then they will be able to meet the girls from church and form great, godly friendships and have accountability. The next pics are from our last night together. We went to Maggianos and when we came out there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky.
I am getting ready to go on vacation. When I get back, summer will be mostly over. I am almost sad that I will miss the rest of the fun times, but I know this vacation will be awesome.Please pray for me to be able to be a witness to my unsaved family members and to be able to really use my free time to be in the Word. I will tell you where I went when I get back! And..there will be more pictures, I'm sure! Thanks for letting me share my summer with you! How is yours going?
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