Saturday, November 21, 2009

You put the chimi in chimichangas.

I am in a transition process at the moment.. I have given up my beloved apartment in which I have lived for the past four years. I am now staying with one of my best friends and her family while I wait for my new place to be move-in ready,

I have decided that I want to move downtown..or rather that I don't feel a peace about staying in my comfort zone anymore. I am called to a church whose heart is the city of Richmond, and so I think it will be awesome to be more accessible to the community and my church family, many of whom are college students and live fairly close to my new place.

It will definitely be a big change. I will be living in a pretty sketchy part of town. I have been a suburbanite my whole life, and I truly prefer country peace to city clamor, but I know where God has called me for this season of my life, and that He will equip me to do every good work which he has prepared beforehand for me to walk I am excited! I was scared for about a week, because honestly the house I am moving into hasn't been lived in for 4 years, and when my new downstairs duplex sharer (landlady) was showing me the place it was nighttime and she was looking into all the rooms for vagrants before we would go in. Wasn't exactly the best sell I've ever seen. She plans to do big renovations and make the place awesome, so I will just be excited for this new adventure and trust that God will see me through.

One thing God has been teaching me is the joy of living for His glory and setting myself aside as much as I can. You truly do need Christ at the center to have a balanced life. When it is all about Him (and it IS, so let me rephrase and say when we REALIZE it's all about Him) it takes so much pressure off of us..pressure to conform to the world's standards, to strive after what they call success, what they call beauty, what they call fulfilled. Because if they are so fulfilled, why are they so unhappy? Because we are only truly fulfilled in knowing and being known by God. When we are the center of our universe, we collapse under the weight.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. I have been a little scattered lately: I guess moving does that to you; but my constant is God. I am glad that he never changes. Wherever I go, whatever my circumstances..he is the same.

Ok I am very sleepy and I have an early class at church in the morning so goodnight blogworld.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Please pray

Hey friends I need your help. My dad was taking down a broken tree in the yard on Thursday and the trunk separated and fell on him, breaking his arm badly and possibly cracking his ribs. He had surgery Friday, and was supposed to be released Saturday. Unfortunately, now they think he has developed pneumonia.

My mom is a nurse and she says that happens sometimes when you are on all of the meds post surgery and your lungs aren't getting a ton of air cause you're laying down all of the time. Anyway, I just ask that you would pray for him to be healed quickly and that God would comfort him at this time..even drawing my dad into a more real relationship with Him. This is not my biological dad, but (thank God) he raised me. He is a good man and he always thinks of others. I am not sure about his relationship with God, but I get the feeling that being around three Christian women (my mom, my sister, and at long last me!) that he has given it some thought!

His name is Mike and I love him very much so please pray for my dad to get better soon! I have never seen him out of commission like this before so it's pretty scary! I also ask you to pray that he would not develop a dependency on pain medication..for some reason this has been on my heart. Love you all and I thank you for lifting my dad up in your prayers.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Home again

There were great things about Greece. I got to meet a large group of extended family, I danced to Greek bazouki music at a christening party, I swam in pristine blue water, and I saw a 2500 year old temple. Aegina was gorgeous, although more dry than I expected. Greece has a definite Middle Eastern vibe to it, rather than European. It was not what I expected. I am grateful that I got to spend time with my family, but I was homesick a LOT. I am glad to be back on American soil. This truly is a great country.

Top ten reasons I am glad to be home:

1. My beach reading in Greece was "The Case for Faith". My stepmom's was "The God Delusion".

2. The primary religion in Greece is Greek Orthodox. This involves saint worship and has little to no impact on the way the people live their lives. It is idol worship and the people don't actually have a relationship with the Lord. My cousins were the godparents in a christening I attended there. They are not even slightly Christian. Religion there is just part of being Greek.

3. You can't flush toilet paper. The plumbing system can't handle it. You have to throw used toilet paper in the garbage.

4. The roads in Aegina are curvy and ascend and descend mountains. My dad was driving our rental car, which was a 1989-1990 Fiat Scudo mini-bus with a stick shift. There are not guard rails on the roads. We narrowly escaped death numerous times.

5. They have nothing but Greek food there.

6. I missed my church family terribly. I was surrounded by non-believers for two weeks straight, and it really made me sad. It was a great time to witness to them and pray for them, but the family I have that lives in Greece don't even speak English, so it was hard to have a conversation. Hopefully I planted some seed of truth among the lies that dictate the way my family lives their lives.

7. NOBODY spoke English.

8. EVERYBODY smokes. By the end of the vacation, cigarettes were starting to look good to me again, even though I haven't smoked in years. You get over the smell eventually, I guess, if you're around it long enough.

10. Oh, mercy, the time difference. 7 hours ahead over there. I have got some major jet lag.

As I reflect on my vacation, I know I was there for a reason. There were many things that went wrong while I was there..I really didn't have a great time. People were on edge, nothing went according to plan, my brother got an ear infection, our quad (four-wheeler) ran out of gas, our mini-bus had a dozen things go wrong, the maid left a cigarette in the toilet..etc. etc. There were moments of hilarity because if you didn't laugh, you'd cry. I had so many people praying for my family to know Christ that I know there was definite spiritual opposition going on. It was a reminder to me that these people I hardly ever see are greatly in need of the living God. Also, it calls me to pray for Aegina, an island full of people who need the Gospel.

As I transition back into my life here, with my church, and with my Bible study, I will not forget to pray for them. I am glad to be home, but I am reminded that this world is temporary, and that there are still so many things left to do! Being around no Christians made it painfully obvious that without Christ, there is NO hope. I really want to keep this with me as I go about my day to day.

Love y'all.

The past two weeks were spent driving from VA to NY, taking a plane to Athens, and then a boat to the island of Aegina, which is where my father grew up. Greece is beautiful, but I am glad to be back!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Like an Indian summer, but no Indians..well..maybe one..

This summer has been one of the best I can remember. I have been involved in a Biblical community in a way that I have longed for..a group of friends that is there for each other..doing life TOGETHER. I am humbled and inspired by these people because every minute of every day is devoted to honoring God..whether we are bowling, having a cookout, playing a game of softball, whatever.. God is the focus. Bringing people in to a family of believers to encourage them daily is what my church emphasizes. It has been a huge blessing to me. I am growing (and not without growing pains..change is not my favorite thing) and being challenged to walk the walk ALL the time.. I know I haven't been writing on a regular basis but please know that I miss you all! I just wanted to share some fun pics from the past couple months..

This is when we scored big with 1 dollar game night at a place cleverly named "The Bowling Alley".

On July 19, I got baptized in the James River in downtown Richmond at a park called Belle Isle. The weather couldn't have been more perfect, and it was beautiful to gather with my church family, my friends and my parents to show my dedication to Jesus. Also, they had a surprise for me. Instead of the pastor baptizing me, they secretly asked my friend Trent to do it. It was an awesome, awesome day.

We took a trip to DC the day before the baptism..not a huge thing for me since I grew up there but it was fun to go with my friends! One of my friends is obsessed with the metro. We played games while we were waiting for the trains and entertained the other passengers.

And we went for a hike in the mountains..

There have been some sad changes, too. My coleader Tuesday nights moved last weekend and I actually was presented with the opportunity to colead a small group for my church. So, with sadness, I will end my work-based Bible study, but with joy I will continue teaching women about the Lord. The best part is that it will still be on the same night, and hopefully I will have some of the same women attend the new Bible study. Then they will be able to meet the girls from church and form great, godly friendships and have accountability. The next pics are from our last night together. We went to Maggianos and when we came out there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky.

I am getting ready to go on vacation. When I get back, summer will be mostly over. I am almost sad that I will miss the rest of the fun times, but I know this vacation will be awesome.Please pray for me to be able to be a witness to my unsaved family members and to be able to really use my free time to be in the Word. I will tell you where I went when I get back! And..there will be more pictures, I'm sure! Thanks for letting me share my summer with you! How is yours going?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The hope of glory..

Colossians 1:27
To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

I look for outward signs of God to manifest themselves, so that my faith may be strengthened. The physical protection from harm and the barriers from disappointment and sadness. Sometimes they are there, and sometimes I am left wondering why the heck God isn't doing more. Yes, I do. I get mad. Even though I know that God doesn't owe me anything, I still feel like "people" who love you should look out for you. So it's hard for me to feel like praising when I am in a situation that seems like it's never going to change, or if it does, it will be for the worse.

Believing God is not my strongest virtue. I tend to pray and then I am surprised when prayers are answered in obvious ways, but not surprised at all when I don't see the answer I was looking for.

So I have been a little down lately, just involving life, work, and relationships..but then I realize that I do have hope..and it IS evident. Christ is IN me. My reactions to the things that get me down are so different than what they were even a year ago. Honestly, I can say that I am leaning on the Lord, even though I am hurt (and upset with God). I know that he is the only One that I can trust. Not alcohol, not men, not complaining. This is a joy to me..a quiet joy that doesn't come with a smile, because I am still sad..but it is boostering my faith and giving me the strength to serve God and praise Him because this is "Christ in me, the hope of glory" that is proof that one day I will be face to face with Jesus.

The joy of the Lord is my strength.

Sunday, July 5, 2009


There are times when I cry because I long to see you face to face so badly that I don't want to wait another day.

There are times when I turn to other things to fill the space that belongs only to You.

My deepest desire is that I would desire You above all much that letting go of earthly things would not seem so catastrophic.

My soul yearns to sit at Your feet and just breathe You in..until something catches my eye and I turn my face from You.

God, grant me a disciplined heart and a reigned-in mind. Take my life and make it into something useful. Give me a true and trustworthy perspective, and discernment to choose as you want me to. I trust you with my life, and God with my death. Every breath I breathe is worthless unless I am breathing for you. Move, God! Act, God. Cause me to act in a manner that brings nothing but glory to Your name. Call me to action, and give me the boldness to follow.

Jesus, be the reason I smile in the morning, the patience in my interaction with others, the hand that rises up to supply the needs in Your body. Give me a fire that never goes out, an undying passion for You and Your word, a heart that is perpetually broken for the lost, the sick, and the hungry.

In your wholly holy and unblemished Name.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

In other news..

I lost 12 pounds in the last month following the FREE plan! I have been exercising at least 5 times a week for at least 30 minutes..and I am keeping withing a certain calorie/fat/etc. range. It is still a day by day process, especially keeping up with the exercise, because most days I definitely want to sleep in just a little longer..but..I want to be the best me I can be, so it is worth it to stick to this thing!

Bible study is on its 3rd week, and we have about 4 other girls who are committed to coming. Please pray that God would be at work in each one of our lives calling us to know Him better! Also, that I would have great will power because someone always thinks it's a great idea to bring baked goods. Next week I believe there will be a seven layer nacho dip. I think I may call out sick..oh wait, it's at my house. Shoot.

Church is going well..I really love the people there, I have never been around such an authentic, loving family of believers. They take very seriously the call to be a community in the body of Christ. I don't know if I will stay in at this church or even in Richmond for too much longer..I don't know where God will call me next, but for right now I am enjoying this season of my walk with the Lord.

I know many battles and obstacles lie ahead for me. For anyone who seriously follows Christ, opposition is sure to come. I don't believe my life will ever be "easy", but I wouldn't trade knowing God for anything else. He is everything. Help me to remember that tomorrow, Lord, when I am frustrated with people who don't tip, or when that guy at work basically calls me an idiot for believing in You. Jesus, move me. I don't want to be complacent. Take me where I can be of use. Bring hurting people to me so that I can point to you. You are the healer and the sustainer of the human race, of the earth. I humble myself before you , God, and I pray that you would use me.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Yeah, I cook.

A healthy barbecue recipe for Memorial Day! I tried this for the first time yesterday and I think it is really good!

BBQ Mango Chicken


- 2 lbs of Chicken Breasts (I use Tyson 99% Fat Free boneless skinless to reduce calories and fat while increasing protien)
- 6 to 8 tbsp of BBQ sauce (I like KC Masterpiece, low cal and good flavor)
- 4 oz of Mango Puree (To ease use and control amount of cal I used the Beechnut baby food, one jar is all you need)
- 2/3 tbsp Garlic Powder
- Optional Dash of Bread Crumbs (for on top)

Nutritional Info

Fat: 0.7g
Carbohydrates: 11.3g
Protein: 25.5g

Preheat the oven for 375 degrees.

First mix the BBQ sauce, garlic powder, and puree mango (I use the magic bullet mixer)
Pour a third of the sauce into a baking dish.

Cut the chicken into 4 oz pieces (8 servings) and place into baking dish. Cover with sauce (I always seem to have an ounce or so left over). Sprinkle bread crumbs if desired and place inteh oven for 15 to 20 minutes, or until throughly cooked.

Enjoy with corn or baked beans to round out the meal!

Number of Servings: 8

Monday, May 11, 2009


Our Tuesday night Bible study is starting back up tomorrow, and I am very nervous because although many have been invited, the response has been pretty wishy-washy. We had tons of yeses, but when it gets down to it I am afraid it's just going to be myself, Heather, and Tiffany. Two leaders and one who might as well be.

I remember how hard it was to get started when I became a Christian. It knew it was the right thing to do, and that it was the only way to stop hurting all of the time. I also remember that I knew that change was coming, and I did NOT want to let go of life as I knew it, even though I knew it was impossible to keep going the way I was. Change is scary. So I understand that the girls who are thinking about getting to know God may have some reservations and some fears.

This is where you come in. Will you pray for God to work mightily, miraculously even, to bring them to a place where they will know the Creator personally? If you could pray tonight, tomorrow, that they would have a strong urge and compulsion to come to the Esther Bible study, within God's will for them to be there, I would so greatly appreciate it. Also, please pray for Heather and I to be able to lead them with integrity and that we would rely on God and not on ourselves to help these women know Christ.

Thank you. I'll let you know how it turns out.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Walking the Walk

1 Peter 4:7-11
7The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 9Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. 10Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen

Today at church we talked about hospitality..that even when we are tired and feel like just hiding away, we are to show others the love of Christ by inviting them into our lives, and into our homes. I love my alone time, but I know that it would be a huge blessing(for me) to reach out to others purposefully and "do life" with them. Even if we're not close. God puts people into our lives for a reason. I want to be able to carry out this commandment to show hospitality.

I am thinking about just having a movie night or a game night to start. We'll be having Bible study at my place this session (so like 10 weeks), so that will definitely help me get used to having people over consistently.

Something else Josh (pastor) said was that he was convicted that he lives in an 6 apartment building, and he has never invited any of his neighbors in. I haven't had my neighbors over either and I've lived in my neighborhood for three and a half years. I guess I just don't feel like we have much in common.

We as a church have committed to pray that we would make a concentrated effort to show hospitality to both believers and unbelievers in our community. I am always a bit apprehensive when I get nudged out of my comfort zone..but it is always worth it. Always.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Let's get...

I have really been eating badly for the past few months, and it is past time that I did something about my health. Today I joined "SparkPeople", which is a free online site that helps you set fitness/weight loss goals and track your progress. They also have recipes, meal plans and exercise tools..all free! I will probably tweak some things because I am a big fan of natural, unprocessed food, so I probably won't be doing a ton of packaged Lean Cuisine type meals. All in all, I am very excited to get started. Today I went to the park and walked four big laps around the circular drive..and I even ran a little! I brought my MP3 player and listened to a sermon I had really kept my mind off the fact that I was exercising and made the time pass quickly. If any of you have been thinking it's time to get active and make better choices for your health, you can look at the website here, and decide if it sounds like something you would be interested in. Happy Thursday!

Apparently I was too young to remember that this video is a bit inappropriate, but in keeping with today's post:

Olivia Newton-John, everyone!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

New Kid On the Block

If you have a minute, stop by and say hi to my friend Julie. She's new to blogging but I always enjoy reading something she writes! She is one of my closest friends and has encouraged me greatly in my walk with God. I love to be able to introduce her to the awesome friends I have made! Love you guys!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Be Jealous..

We have finished up our study on Romans 12 and are going out to Carrabba's tonight to have a wrap-up celebration dinner! I heart Carrabba's! I will try to save you some, but no promises!

Friday, April 17, 2009

It's My One Year Blog-A-Versary

I have enjoyed meeting each one of you and getting to know you better and know God better through your writing, which always touches my heart and sometimes makes me laugh out loud. Here's to another year of learning and laughing together as we follow our Great King! Thank you for contributing to my life in so many ways!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Meanwhile, here in Richmond..

I have the night off..I have been playing a lot of Pathwords on Facebook recently, which has been detrimental to my blogging. I miss all of the friends I have on here. It has been a whirlwind past few weeks. I have either had visitors or been out of town on the weekends, and the rest of the time I am working or hanging out friends. There hasn't been a whole ton of down time.

That said, I also haven't really felt the urge to write. Maybe now that my fast is over I will be back to normal! I gave up soda and complaining (the fast coincided with Lent) and I also committed to pray specifically for 10 people each day, being very detailed in my requests for that person's spiritual well being. I have already seen results in people coming to church and in conversations that have happened during the past forty days. I did okay on the not complaining, but by no means would I say that I was able to uphold my fast in that area. I did curb the grumbling, but it made me realize just how much I express dissatisfaction. It's not pretty.

I am thinking about getting baptized (I was baptized when I was 3 in the Catholic church), but I really want to have a deep understanding and desire to do it before I take the plunge (hee hee). What has getting baptized meant to you? I know that it has nothing to do with being saved, but rather is an outward sign of commitment and symbolic of being born again. I know that Jesus thought it was important enough to do it. SO...I need to mull it over some more.

Bible study is going well..we are doing our last session in the Romans 12 study (taught by Chip Ingram) tomorrow and then will have a dinner to celebrate the completion of (over)ten weeks of this session. It has been great, and I feel as though I have come out of it changed and more knowledgeable of what it means to live as a Christian. Next up will be a study of Esther, which I won from the Lifeway All Access Blog over Thanksgiving, when I was really pessimistic about the viability of our group. People kept backing out and I thought maybe it had been a mistake to try and lead a Bible study. Two days later I won this awesome leader kit complete with videos (and it's Beth Moore, so you know it's going to rock), and it was such an affirmation that I was supposed to persevere. I can't wait to start the Esther series, although I will miss Chip, who is also an awesomely gifted teacher.

Other than that, nothing much new here. I may or may not be a year older now. I am loving LOST, and I have been procrastinating on writing my book, but I know that it will be coming along soon!

I will leave you with this last thought..
Colossians 1:24-27
24Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. 25I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. 27To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

This is the passage we studied at the Women's Leadership Weekend I attended with the girls from church. I had never thought of it like this, but the Holy Spirit is a deposit of our inheritance..the true proof that all that God says is true..if we are convicted in ways we weren't before..when we aren't able to sit in our sin anymore..that is the proof that Jesus is working in us. It is the "hope of glory". It is the promise that we will be glorified one day with Jesus, and we will not have to struggle anymore. For now, while we are still here in this fallen world, to know that God is residing in us may be the only thing that keeps us going. I am so glad I have that hope..and it is not hope like "I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow". This hope means we can keep going because we know that our future is secure in the hands of the one whom we have placed that hope in! Yay God!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Bible study tonight was rough.

I have issues with Happy, Healthy, Wealthy philosophies. I don't really think that God calls everyone to have good health, money, and easy times when they become Christians.

I went to a conference with Heather on Friday. The speaker was Creflo Dollar. I was a bit leary of him because I was afraid it was just going to be a show, but he was a good speaker. I was a little amused when he shouted "Somebody say power" and "Say Hallelujah twice". Whatever. I may not be used to it, but there is nothing wrong with being demonstrative. It was when he said "Turn to your neighbor and say 'I'll never be broke another day in my life'" that I got my feathers a little ruffled. He is obviously a devoted servant of the Lord, but that part did NOT sit well with me.

I expressed that I didn't agree with that to Heather and her mom, and while they agreed that not everyone was called to be wealthy, they did agree that God wants to bless his people financially. I just don't know how I feel about that. I agree with this verse out of Proverbs 30:

8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread

I feel that it takes a lot of spiritual maturity to handle having money without it damaging your relationship with God, and I honestly at this point in my life want desperately to never forget from whom my help comes from.

I know that God blesses and protects his children. I don't always think it is monetarily. I know that Paul was a man after God's heart, and that he lived a life full of danger and severe persecution. I envy his relationship with and his dedication to serving God.

Heather, Tiffany and I were the only ones at Bible study tonight, and Tiffany asked about the Creflo Dollar conference, and I told her that I liked it, and that he was funny, but that I wasn't sure I agreed with everything he said. Heather got frustrated with me because she knew that part of my hesitation came from a conversation that I had with my friend Julie the day after the conference, and Julie kind of affirmed what I was feeling about the money issue. That doesn't mean that she's right or that I'm right.

Maybe I don't have enough faith in God. Maybe I feel like I am not spiritual if I have money when so many others don't, or that I want to have a relationship with God where it doesn't matter what I have as long as I am living in his will. All I know is that I got very defensive and I really wanted to walk out when we were talking tonight because I felt a little ganged up on (Tiffany was agreeing with Heather).

I will be in the Scriptures about it, and just to let you know, we were able to get past being confrontational. I am open to revising my way of thinking if it means living God's best for my life. I know that God's best is not what the world would call "best". I pray that God would open my eyes and direct me to his heart on this matter.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I feel giddy...

On Wednesday night my friend and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert at the Richmond Coliseum. The opening act was a group called the Jabbawockeez..they were about eight guys with white drama masks on who did combination street/breakdancing routines. Apparently they debuted on America's Best Dance Crew and won, and now they are touring across the country. There were mildly humorous aspects to their performance, such as when a bunch of guys with white masks did Beyonce's "Single Ladies", or when they did "PYT" by Michael Jackson, but they weren't singing and there was a lot of dancing with a mop, which I could have skipped.
Here's a clip of them doing Beyonce:

My best friend Julie and excited to be in the same room as Joey Joe and Donnie Wahlberg..When I first got there I was surprised to see such an eclectic group of fans..young and old, many sporting New Kids T-shirts or dressed in eighties' attire (Julie tried to make me, but I wasn't having it). Some women were pretty dressed up, as if they were reuniting with long lost boyfriends instead of going to sit in sticky auditorium seats. It was a good day to be people-watching.

I was gettin impatient as I had to sit through the opening act..kind of feeling as though maybe this would be a waste of time. And then..finally..the music for the New Kids started throbbing, and I was a kid all over again. I raised my voice in unison with thousands of other women as we saw the men who had captured our hearts twenty years ago. That dormant love swelled, and we were swept away as five boys who were now men turned and smiled, and then began singing some crazy new songs that were a little inappropriate.

Julie and I screamed crazy things like "I love you, Donnie" and danced and just had a great time full of general tomfoolery. They still know how to get a crowd going, and we all went crazy when they did their old stuff, such as "Step by Step" and "The Right Stuff". It was cool to see 40 year old men pretend like they still had it goin' on..but you know what..they kind of did! The concert ended on one of the newer songs, and after they said goodbye, we all just stood there, waiting. They hadn't performed their most popular song, and it would be a huge let down to leave without hearing it. So, of course, the music started bassing again and out they came in Celtics Jerseys to do "Hanging tough". They rocked it out and I can honestly say it was one of the most fun times I have had in quite a while.

Hangin' Tough:

I have to warn's pretty loud!

The euphoria has worn off a bit..but I loved it!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just wanted to let you know..

I really enjoyed reading all of your comments from my last post. Each one of you gave me a different aspect to reflect on. Thank you! I will be back to writing real posts sometime soon..don't have the time today because I need to be getting ready for a concert..New Kids on the Block! I am only excited because I am going to see it with my bestest, Julie. We went to their concert in 1990 (she'll tell you it was 89), and we were absolutely crazy about them. I, in particular, loved Joey McIntyre. I dreamed a few nights ago that I met him and he was really old and missing hopefully, he'll look a little better in reality! I will try to take some pics! I hope everyone is having a good week!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Advice, please!

I would love your input. Here are some questions I have been pondering over. I know that God is infinitely wise, and that Jesus was the fullness of God in human flesh. So when he was talking to people, he was doing it with full knowledge of how people respond to certain ways of speaking, and he always spoke truth. Many peoples' lives were changed when they met him. Others wanted to kill him. I want to study more how Jesus acted and spoke, so that I can emulate him in my relationships with others. These are some things my friend Tiffany and I were speaking about after Bible study tonight, as we discussed how frustrating it can be to try to lead others to know God. If you have any advice or wisdom, throw it out there! Thanks!

How did Jesus relate to people?

In what ways can I be more like Christ when trying to form relationships with others?

How do we talk to people about God without making them uncomfortable and guilty?

What has worked for you? What has God showed you that has made it easier for you to reach people?

Monday, February 23, 2009

If I leaned on my own understanding, I'd be on the floor alot

The Saga Continues..

So, my weekend was fun. I installed a new hard drive in my computer because the old one crashed, and by the way, I may not be able to access my pictures, music, or the first few pages of the book I am working on.

On Friday night a friend of mine/coworker had a gig playing his guitar and singing at a local bar/restaurant. I seldom go out with the crew from work, but I love music and I wanted to show support, so I went. Babs from my Bible study went with me, and we had a fun time talking, laughing, and listening to some pretty good music. They played a decent mix, most songs that I've heard, and some original music that my friend Steve actually wrote himself. The show was early (six-ish) so my coworkers started trickling in around six-thirty or seven. My friend whom I have written about before came. He came over and sat with me and Babs. I knew he would be there, but I also knew that he was seeing someone and I thought he was bringing her. Apparently they were fighting so she didn't come. She used to work with me a couple years ago, but he didn't meet her until after she had quit, probably through mutual friends. They have been seeing each other for a couple weeks. About an hour and a half after he got there, she came. And sat with us. And I felt awkward. Because he told me last week that maybe she could be his intermittent girlfriend, since he wasn't ready to live a completely Christian life. I told him, no thanks. Yeah, he's a winner.

Anyway, we made small talk, and she said that he had told her that maybe we could all go to church together, but he was working this weekend. So, I told her that she could come with me if she wanted to. I didn't really have any desire whatsoever to hang out with her, but I am not going to stand in the way of someone getting to know God. She said she would like to and I gave her my number. By this time, my guy friend had had too much to drink and I felt like he was being a little disrespectful to her because he was acting weird towards me, like getting mad when I was leaving, and then asking me repeatedly (with his hands on my waist, right in front of her) to come back to his house to play poker with everyone. It was really uncomfortable, and I could tell she wasn't thrilled. I went home and got into bed, thanking God that I was under his protection, and that I no longer had to be a part of that world where I was so desperate that I would do anything to fill the void. I am not empty anymore. Praise God.

Saturday I went down to Blackstone, VA to see my friend Angie's new coffee shop. It is absolutely gorgeous and I wish I had remembered to bring my camera. Angie's sister-in-law, Tiffany and I are friends and we rode down together. Tiffany is in my Tuesday night Bible study, but this is the first time we've ever hung out alone. We had a great time! We ended up spending the whole day together and we had some really good talks. We want to do a joint fast where three of us choose something to either give up or do for 40 days. The purpose would be for God to work in the hearts of specific people who are dear to us. Not that we don't want everyone to be saved, but God certainly tugs at our hearts concerning some people in our lives. I am excited about this, and I can't wait to see how God is going to be working. I have had some very obvious answer to prayer lately, and that always encourages me to keep praying.

Sunday: watched an episode of Monk with my best friend Julie while her husband tried to find files from my old hard drive. He is still working on it. Hopefully. Then, went to church with guy friend's girlfriend. I had a pretty bad attitude about it, like why is God's sense of humor so messed up? I got to know her a little better on the ride to church, and it seems as though she has matured some since we worked together. She has almost no church background, so the fact that she was willing to go with me was pretty cool. I have to tell you that it was only by God's grace that I was able to put my personal feelings aside and want her to know the Lord more than I wanted to not be around her. As I sang worship songs in a darkened auditorium next to a girl that I shouldn't be able to love, I knew my strength was coming from the Lord. It was am amazing feeling. It was a surrendered feeling. It was my soul saying yes to God and no to my selfishness. It filled me with a quiet, peaceful joy. It was freeing. I know I may sound a little dramatic, but if you how much I have struggled to get over liking this guy, you would understand why hanging with his girlfriend might be pretty hard for me.

She seemed to like the service, and..she wants to start coming to MY Tuesday night Bible study. She's going to the church's Bible study on Thursday night. I won't be able to come because I'll be working. So, if she starts coming to church regularly, I will be seeing her (and maybe him on Sundays) three times. A week. Heaven help me.

May I be willing to be used by God even when I flat-out don't feel like it. And especially when I don't understand. Because I would have NEVER chosen for things to be turning out this way..but if this is His way, I'm in. We serve an awesome God.

Just a thought.

What is the difference between immorality and immortality?
The t.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Love, Factually pt.2

Isaiah 42
The Servant of the Lord
1 "Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my Spirit on him
and he will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.

3 A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

4 he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands will put their hope."

5 This is what God the LORD says—
he who created the heavens and stretched them out,
who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it,
who gives breath to its people,
and life to those who walk on it:

6 "I, the LORD, have called you in righteousness;
I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,

7 to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.

8 "I am the LORD; that is my name!
I will not give my glory to another
or my praise to idols.

9 See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you."

Sunday, February 8, 2009

God is Worthy

God is pouring out new friendships on me. The women at my new church are so friendly and I have done a Super Bowl party, a Bible study, coffee, and an early morning prayer time this week. It has really helped me to get my mind off of relationships I shouldn't be in, and I am loving being around these girls. They are truly followers of God and I am so blessed to be getting to know them.

I saw Fireproof last night for the first time. A girl from work has recently begun attending church regularly, and she invited me to her church for dinner and movie night. It was fun, although I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Maybe cause I'm not married and facing all those issues.

Please pray for the girls in my Tuesday night Bible study. The new believers are shying away as we talk about issues such as homosexuality, right and wrong, and sexual immorality. There are some lifestyles taking place that are not in line with God's word, and I am afraid that they are being turned off by understanding that they may have to change. I do not want to water down God's word, but instead love them through their questions and struggles without compromising truth. It is a hard balance, but in the end it is their decision to make, not mine. Please pray that they would understand who God is and why they should follow him, no matter if it's difficult or not. Please pray that Heather and I would have the words to speak to them, and that we as leaders would seek wisdom from the Lord constantly.

If you need prayer for anything, please let me know, I would love to pray for you!

Hebrews 3:13
But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Bada Bing, Bada Boom

I was in a car accident on the way to work this morning. It was icy out, but that doesn't explain me running a red light. I guess I saw the turn signal light change to green, and maybe I was daydreaming a bit..but I clipped the back of a black SUV as it was making a left-hand turn.

It took a couple seconds for it to register that I had run the first I was upset because I thought it was his fault..why was he turning? I realized that as I was going through the light was red.

This was hard to deal with because I am a pretty cautious driver. I have never before caused a serious accident.. although I had a couple fender benders when I was younger. The feeling of shame was pretty strong as I made a u-turn and pulled up behind the man whose car I had hit. He was standing in the street talking on his

I got out of the car, ready to own up to my responsibility. He looked at me, hung up the phone, and then he asked me if I was okay. I said I was, he said he was fine, and then I asked him if my light had been green. He said no. He looked at the rear of his car and said that it didn't even looked damaged, and he didn't take my information or anything. He had compassion on me, and he was the kindest person I could have ever hoped to hit ( I have to find humor somewhere). My eyes filled with tears and I said "God is good." Maybe he was a Christian, maybe not, but God was speaking his love all over me through the kindness of this man. I drove to work sobbing from gratefulness. It could have been so much worse- and I would have deserved to face the consequences.

I find it non-coincidental that I prayed this from Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word" this morning:

"Father, help me to clothe myself with humility towards others, because You oppose the proud but give grace to the humble.(1 Peter 5:5) I will never live a day that I am not in need of Your grace, so please help me maintain an attitude that welcomes it."

Wow did I get shown grace today. It is an awful feeling to know that you have done someone else harm, no matter how unintentional. I cannot explain how it moves me that I was let off the hook, simply because of what was in that man's heart. It is but a small example of the grace God shows me every day..even when I don't think I need it. I think I will be more appreciative of it: more aware of it after this.

I went to the grocery store after being told to take the day off from work, as I looked like I had been puffing the ganja because my eyes were all red from crying. I was still, am still, a little weepy about what happened today. I stopped by Trader Joe's to pick up some stuff for the empty fridge, and while I was checking out the lady at the register asked me how my day was.

"Pretty good", I told her. It was the truth. God's love was so evident that it made a bad situation not so bad. She pushed it and asked me what I was up to today, so I told her about what had happened. She was very sweet and told me how lucky I was. I gave God a little credit. As I was signing the credit card screen, she told me to hold on. I thought it was a little strange that she was leaving the register, but who was I to argue?

She came back with a bouquet of roses and lilies and handed them to me. I almost cried right there in the store. She said she was sorry I had been in an accident.

That's God. I don't deserve kindness, or sympathy, or flowers. I deserve to have higher insurance. I could have hurt someone. God gave me forgiveness. And then he gave me flowers. That's a God I want more of.

Friday, January 23, 2009


Surely God will see me through.

When I feel like I am dealing with garbage being thrown at me from every which way, I can believe that I will be buried in it, or that I will be able to walk away with my head held high.

God is letting me go through this dark time of temptation so that I can choose him. I have a chance to see what it is like to have victory over my flesh! God is growing me. This is an experience that I can draw on in times to come. I have been looking at this situation as if I were already defeated..but I can hold God's hand and come out stronger than ever.

What are you going through right now that you have accepted in your life? You know it's not God's best, but it's "ok for now"? See it for what it is..playing with fire.

God does not want you to settle for mediocre, and he doesn't want half of your devotion or effort. Give Him everything so that he can give you all that he has for you.

I come to you, Father, in repentance, for lusting after what the world has to offer. I ask you to restore me to a place where my heart is aligned with yours, that your dreams may be my dreams, and your boundaries a safe place that I may take comfort in. Teach me to lean wholly on you. I thank you that you discipline those who love you, God. I need your discipline so badly, God. Thank you that you do not leave me to sit comfortably in my sin. I thank you for the unrest that you have caused in me lately. It is physically painful to be separate from you. Thank you for loving me so very much. Help me God, to push through the feelings of loneliness and to see a future that you will cause to prosper if only I will walk in your footsteps. Help me, God, to choose life, and not the ways that lead to death. In the name of the One and Only, my Lord, my love, Jesus. Yeshua.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Blah Blah Blah

I am having a rough week..because I am not letting God be there for me when I am lonely. Ok, so the two of you who have been reading for a while know that I was dealing with strong feelings for this stupid guy at work. Well, we hadn't talked really for about two months, and then when I thought I was over it I started letting him back in..just a little..because I really do care about him having a relationship with God.

We began talking again, but it was hard because at work they always are expecting you to be..well, working. So, I said, (brilliantly) "Next time you feel like buying me coffee we can talk". As soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn't go. Of course, he said he was free that night and so off we went.

We talked for about an hour and a half, and I felt like it was a good thing that he was thinking about God the way he was. He still was having some issues with the whole "life is so boring when you're a Christian" thing that he experienced when he tried being "religious" a few years ago. He stuck with it for about three years and then went back to drinking, partying, and doing whatever he wanted. He has other issues with giving up the lifestyle he is living, but I feel like he will eventually do it. I hope that he does.

Anyway, blah blah blah on the way back to his house he told me that there was something very attractive about me but he hadn't pursued me because he thought that he would let me down..either I would get to know him and not like him or he would do something to screw things up. I told him that I agreed. He would let me down. He doesn't make good decisions for himself, so how could he treat me right? He especially wouldn't know how a relationship should really be because he doesn't follow God.

I told him that I had had a big crush on him and then I said over and over "ok, I have to go home now. Oh my gosh. I have to go. Ok. Gotta go." It was kind of funny, but I was blushing alot. I told him that there could never be anything between us.

He told me to stop blushing, that we were both adults and that he didn't want this to make things weird between us because he felt that I was the only person he could really be himself around..because I know his bad side and I care anyway, but I know the vulnerable side that he doesn't let many people see. Is that a crock? I don't know.

Soooo...I didn't see him the rest of the weekend because I was off of work, and when I came back on Monday morning, he asked if I wanted to hang out that night. I had to work. He asked me out again on Thursday..not as in a date, but he just wanted to hang out. I said no. I was mad because he asked for Babs'(girl at work in my Bible study) sister's number. Yep, good old fashioned jealousy for a guy I won't let touch me. And I couldn't say anything because I have no reason to get mad.

He came with me to try out a new church last Sunday. It was nice to do that with actually bring him into contact with people who love God (he grew up Catholic, so hasn't had much in the way of a personal relationship). We had a good time, and I really like the church, so that's a bonus. Then we went back to his house where he made me tea and I got to meet his roommate and tried not to cringe every time a curse word came out.

We hung out Monday after work. We went to Barnes and Noble so that he could teach me to play chess, and then this other guy from work called him and said he was on his way to his apartment, so we went back there to meet him. There was nothing terrible going on, but the other guy was really drunk and we started playing spades, and everyone else was drinking. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach the whole time, and I left as soon as I could without being rude. I felt God telling me to get out, and I had trouble sleeping for the whole work week.

I know that this is a well-timed attack..we just started a new Bible study that is going to be amazing, and I am trying my hand at writing a book. My life could be going in an awesome direction. I guess maybe I am overwhelmed, new church, new career just feels as though everything is changing. I am surprised at how easy it would be for me to fall, although I shouldn't be. I have been doing well with this whole no man thing, but before I was a Christian, that was a big issue for me. I always needed a man to make me feel worthwhile. I know that I have to choose between what God is holding out to me and the crap that Satan is offering. I just didn't expect it to suck so much! Wow I am still so sinful! And the stupid thing is I think he is ok with being close friends because he can just hook up with someone else. I have no other men in my life, so it's harder for me to be just friends.

I have been upset because I can't sleep, and it is making me feel a little crazy! Here's my dilemma: I want to be friends with this guy! I want him to know he is cared about! But how do I keep myself from liking him? I am begging God to give me an obedient heart. Please pray for me and for him! I have slept fine since I haven't been at work but I am worried that once I go back I will have issues again so please go to battle for me! I feel as though God has made it plain that this is serious. I will be in trouble if I don't surrender this relationship to him. I need help! I am almost at the point where I feel like I should quit because it is too much for me to deal with. How can I be there for him without crossing the line? Especially cause I kind of want to.

If you made it to the end of this post, thank you for being a valued guest at my pity party. Why can't I just cry to my diary like a normal crazy person? Am I back to the self-destructive behavior that I have battled with before? Do I see something good coming, and tear it down before I can screw it up? Am I asking a lot of rhetorical questions? Alright, Self-Analysis 101 is adjourned for now. Thanks for listening.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Love Song

I finally read the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It talks about letting God romance you, and it says to ask God to show you ways he is loving you, things he wants to show us to convey how very beloved we are. Today I was on iTunes and they have a "genius" feature that shows you artists that you would probably like based on your current music. Dave Barnes was someone I had never heard of, but I listened to one of his songs and I really liked his voice so I went onto MySpace and listened to more of his songs. I heard one that made me cry because it sounded like what God would say, although this artist was not a Christian artist as far as I knew. When I had finished listening, I knew God was showing his love to me throught this beautiful song I chanced upon. Anyway, here's the video.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I'm Going to Hollywood!

Unfortunately, I'll be going alone.