Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Should've had a V8
Without God, I would be sunk. What is it about us that makes us chase after things that will at best disappoint us, and at worst completely devastate us? I am in such a situation now, involving a male friend that I am developing feelings for. I know no good can come of it, and I know that I have to surrender this want in my life to God, who will supply me with something(one) far better. I just am not loosing my grip on it yet. I love God, but I am fighting one heck of a rebellious streak right now. Guess who will get hurt? Me, for sure. Him, quite possibly. My testimony could take a big hit, which could affect people I otherwise might reach for Christ. I don't want to publish this. I am one hundred percent sure that I am not going to go through with anything, but my thoughts about it are sin enough. He doesn't even know I think of him that way. I think he thinks of me that way. I act weird around him, and I am not being myself at all because I am so consumed with this. I feel like I am falling in love, but I don't really know him that well, and what I do know is not promising. I stopped liking him for a while, but then, when I thought I was safe, we hung out a couple times and talked. There is just that certain attraction there that makes me think of us being a couple. I know it is not God's plan for me. I will not do it. But it is hurting me to be in this place.