Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Should've had a V8

Without God, I would be sunk. What is it about us that makes us chase after things that will at best disappoint us, and at worst completely devastate us? I am in such a situation now, involving a male friend that I am developing feelings for. I know no good can come of it, and I know that I have to surrender this want in my life to God, who will supply me with something(one) far better. I just am not loosing my grip on it yet. I love God, but I am fighting one heck of a rebellious streak right now. Guess who will get hurt? Me, for sure. Him, quite possibly. My testimony could take a big hit, which could affect people I otherwise might reach for Christ. I don't want to publish this. I am one hundred percent sure that I am not going to go through with anything, but my thoughts about it are sin enough. He doesn't even know I think of him that way. I think he thinks of me that way. I act weird around him, and I am not being myself at all because I am so consumed with this. I feel like I am falling in love, but I don't really know him that well, and what I do know is not promising. I stopped liking him for a while, but then, when I thought I was safe, we hung out a couple times and talked. There is just that certain attraction there that makes me think of us being a couple. I know it is not God's plan for me. I will not do it. But it is hurting me to be in this place.

6 comments:

Bradley said...

Wow. That's pure, raw, real talk. I admire you're honestly and transparency in this post.

I've struggled with the same thing before. There's probably ton's of Christians who have struggled with the same thing.

Have you talked to your Christian friends about it? I find that without a close group of Christians friends to talk to about stuff like this, I am more and more tempted to experiment with my sinful desires, and it's like playing with fire.

Bradley said...

oops ... as always I screwed up my grammer

I meant to say "I admire your honesty" not "you're honestly"

Kathy S. said...

Fighting the flesh/the old nature is a daily, ongoing thing. Putting it out there (here) is beneficial. When things are hidden is when they have power. Exposing this to the light is a great first step.

I am praying for you. I have seen singles in this situation and you have sized it up right. Pain comes.

If you want to be discouraged to date an unbeliever, call me and I will tell you some sad stories...

In the mean time, be encouraged that this is just "one of those battles" that we face on a continual basis. Crucifixion of the flesh daily. I live dying daily. Take up the cross daily.I beat my body and make it a slave so that i will not be disqualified for the prize...the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...

You are in good company with the rest of us. We all just have different flesh patterns...

Angela said...

Bradley: I had my Bible study pray for me last night but I didn't go into specifics. I am already feeling more free of this thing.
Kathy: I am sure I will get through this thing. I just need to stop pretending that I'm not crossing the line when I know that I am.

Edie said...

Hey my friend. Just want you to know that I understand more than you know. I am praying for you.

You can email me if you want and we can even talk if you want. I'm here for you. This is not an easy battle but it is possible.

I love you my sister.

Penn Tomassetti said...

I just read a small booklet on this subject about not falling for an unbeliever. I thought of doing a blog post about it, because it was a really good resource and it put it in a positive light as well as the negative. I ordered it here.

The Lord knows what you need Angela. If He gives us food and clothing because He cares for us more than the flowers and birds, then He knows when to give you the right Christian husband. God bless.