Some ramblings

Have you ever been so afraid of failing that you don't even try? I sit waiting for the "big adventure" to begin, but I basically go to work and come home Mon-Thursday with the exception of Bible study Tues. nights..and on the weekends I go to church, which is fun, but two hours don't really make a weekend.

I think part of it is that I don't have extra money for too much fun stuff..and my closest friends are married with newborns so they, while still totally wonderful, have their hands full of poop and breastmilk. And babies. We three have weekly Friday lunches, which have always been fun, but the conversation has declined by leaps and bounds as they have been pregnant, and now new moms. It's amazing, pregnancy, but also can be a little..well, I'm falling asleep just remembering the topics that have taken over our trialogue(?). I guess it's a balancing act to be friends with people who are in completely different phases of life. I mean, I wouldn't give up waitressing for the world, so I'm not feeling like a late bloomer or anything. Not at all. Not. At. All. I just am having a hard time doing fun and wonderful things with my own broke free time. And there aren't too many Christians at work..I know, great mission field..although we just hired a guy named Missy who might just be my new b.f.f.

I want my life to be effective and exciting, but I have to unSTICK myself from my humdrummedness. I did meet a guy at church, but he has a silent "t" at the end of his name and he's a little older than I thought he was. I think I may just stay single. And change my phone number.

Seriously, though, I feel the need for change, but guess what scares me? Change. So how do I push through to the abundant life that is mine to claim by the grace of God?
These here are growing pains. Have any of you gone through this? One example of an issue I am facing is that I have to sign another lease on my apartment, which I LOVE, but doing that means staying at my job for another year, and trying to make ends meet month to month. I know that I am living beyond my means but to step out into something unknown, and to go through the hassle of moving seems horrible. I also waited to long to look for another place, and if I don't resign they will put me at month to month for a higher rent, until I give them 60 day notice. I have been praying for clear direction in this area, but I have to sign or not sign soon, probably by tomorrow. So, I may need to work more hours or find ways to cut back so that I can get out of my credit card debt. I know that God won't abandon me, but I definitely want the life HE has for me, and this isn't it. I want to do more, see more, be less and let him be more. I pretty much want to be in some form of ministry, and I want a family and more friends. I know that I need to hold what I have with open hands to God, and let him take what I don't need. I know he will replace it with things far better. But you know the death grip that, well, dead people have? I may love God, but wow, if I had to give up my computer or my perfectly laid-out kitchen, I somehow have it in my head that life would completely suck. Sometimes I just need someone to shake me.

Surrounded

Psalm 125:1-2

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forever more.


View Larger Map
Click on the Larger Map to see the mountains that surround Jerusalem. It is completely surrounded. I love to feel (and know) that God is surrounding me that way. I have my days where I feel a disconnect from the Lord, but the returning to dwell in his presence is so sweet and so very comforting. This peace comes only from him. I pray that through your week you will be more aware of him surrounding you..in and through all situations.

My New Friend

My friend and her baby are doing well

Except for a little jaundice and low temp and blood sugar on Baby's part. I will be going to see them this afternoon and hopefully will get some good pictures! Thanks for your prayers!

Thanks for nothing, placenta!

I spent the majority of my day in Labor and Delivery at St. Mary's Hospital. My best friend Julie was induced because her placenta quit working and there is an extremely low amount of amniotic fluid surrounding the baby. It has been hard watching my friend be so very uncomfortable and scared, but we still managed to have a good time. Her mom is down from Northern VA, and I've known them for twenty years so Bonnie is like family to me. We did a sudoku challenge: whoever completed their puzzle first got to pick the middle name (not really), and Julie's husband made a complete idiot of himself. The night nurse came in and introduced herself as Andrea (pronounced Ah-ndrea), and Chris asked if she would be there all night. She said yes. He said, "All right, All-night Ah-ndrea!" All of us, including the doula, started snickering like fifth-graders in a "my body is changing" seminar. Chris said it so innocently, just without thinking, and that's what made it extra hilarious. Ah-ndrea actually didn't laugh that much. No baby yet, hopefully the little guy will be here tomorrow morning. Hope everyone is having a good week!

UPDATE: The baby's heart rate was decelerating during contractions, so they have taken Julie off Petocin and have scheduled a C-section for four p.m. Julie was adamant that she wanted a natural birth, but it isn't looking good, so if you would please pray for her and baby Spencer and the doctors and nurses..Thank you!

Is a panhandler from Florida?

Tonight was Bible study. Just three of us: myself, Heather, and Tiffany. I was honestly disappointed because the other girls didn't show up; you know, the ones who need to spend time with God and learn. Sometimes God has a different idea of who needs what. We had an amazing time. I laughed harder than I have in a long time. The term "stoned buffet waitress" was used. Also, "panhandler". We have some interesting pasts, us Christians.With just the three of us there, all of whom are on just about the same level spiritually, we were able to just relax and open up, instead of being "leaders". I so look forward to the girl time we have each Tuesday, and the chance to aid someone in their pursuit of a godly relationship, but God knew that we needed to just pour out our hearts to each other tonight. I thank you, Lord. The cords of our friendship were woven a little more tightly tonight.

Honor him

Psalm 22:23
You who fear the LORD, praise him! All you descendants of Jacob, honor him! Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

Psalm 45:11
The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

Psalm 91:15
He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

An Update

Well, it's October already. My two best friends in Richmond have been pregnant ALL YEAR, and Catherine finally had her little boy on September 18. His name is Joshua, and he is very cute; no funny-shaped head or anything. Julie is due October 16; she is miserable and I brought her some Fried Macaroni and Cheese today to ease her pain. She loves it. Almost more than her husband. Almost.

I am still working at the same place, though I am not enjoying it much. The thing that keeps me there is the people that I have been fortunate enough to form relationships with. I want to be there for them, and my biggest desire is that they would let God take over and transform their lives. I am getting a little discouraged, because people that seemed interested in going to church have backed off and seem content to stay where they're at. Amanda, a girl who was in our Bible study, had surgery, and now after a few weeks of not spending any real time on her relationship with God, her cursing is back in full force. And it's not like she's slipping, cause she doesn't notice it anymore. Adam, who used to apologize if he cursed around me, now screams the f word thirty times a day and doesn't care at all if I am around or not. I just don't know why things are changing.

The feelings I had for Guy at Work are diminished again, I am reading in Breaking Free how to take steps to make our thoughts obedient to Christ..and it is a continual process..removing lies and replacing them with Truth. Like the truth that if I gave in and kissed him, that would be taking away from the intimacy I want to devote solely to my husband. I don't really even talk to him anymore; which is helping. I want to be nicer, but I have to guard my heart here. I believe that God has a man for me. I want a godly relationship. There is no acceptable alternative. God has given us guidelines for marriage, and he must be in the center of any relationship for it to work the way it is meant to. I honestly didn't know if I would ever get married; I felt like I wasted so much time on the wrong kind of relationships; but I do believe that God has that for me. Especially since Llewelyn prophesied it for me in a comment on this post. I thought that was pretty cool. However, if I don't end up getting married, it's because God has something else for me. I would rather be alone and glorifying God than married to someone who wouldn't encourage me to live for Christ.


I went to Beckley, West Virginia this weekend to a wedding reception for my friend Tiffany. She actually didn't know I was coming, because it was a small affair mostly for family and very close friends (we've only know each other a few months). I happen to know her sister-in-law because she comes into the restaurant frequently and she and I struck up a friendship when her husband was going being deployed. Her husband is back in the States, now, but was unable to attend the wedding because he was participating in "The Twelve Tribes of Israel" which was a mens' church retreat. So, Angie asked me to go in his stead. I took a couple days to think it over, and then thought it would be fun to get to know her better, it would be fun to take a road trip, and it would be awesome to see Tiffany since she recently got a real job and I don't see her everyday anymore. I had a blast; Angie's son Jake is 4 and he is hilarious and so cute, and he kept us entertained the whole time. The drive was gorgeous. The leaves are starting to turn, and we drove through the mountains..how beautiful! I had a great time.

My mom graduated Nursing School in May, and just got a job working at a Nursing Home as an RN. The place is two miles from her house, which is great. I think she'll really like it there. They have a dog and a cat that wander around the place, which I think is neat. I know she will love those old people.

Will you all please pray for my coworkers and bosses? Pray for God to speak to their hearts, and work circumstances in their lives so that they would turn to him. Pray for the enemy to be turned back and scattered, and rendered completely ineffective. Pray, please, for my boss John. He says he doesn't believe in God. A man came up to us the other day and handed us tracts printed on fake million dollar bills, and I smiled and told him I was already a Christian. John smiled at him, but when the man turned away John tore up the tract, and got really red and flustered, saying that he hated to be preached to. John's kids go to Christian school. There is something in his past that has fostered that violent reaction, I'm sure.


Well, that's all for now, folks.
Here's Joshua:

Must Watch! It's an Epidemic!

Who got paid to write this masterpiece?

Got me thinking

What we believe determines how we live ~ Rick Warren

I was watching this video when I came across the aforementioned quote. It amazes me how one line can just grab me so completely, even if it's something that I basically already knew, the way that it is stated can make it really sink in.

Am I living like I believe that God is with me AT ALL TIMES? Ummmm..

Deuteronomy 31:8

Do I pray like I believe God hears my every thought? Yes, to a degree; he has shown up in ways that were undeniable direct answer to prayer that could not come from anywhere else. However, I still have times where I feel like my prayers don't count for much.

1 Kings 9:3
Psalm 6:9

Do I tell people about Jesus' plan of salvation and restoration as if I believe their very eternity is on the line? Even if they may think I'm some kind of crazy?
Not nearly enough.
Jeremiah 21:8
Zechariah 1:3



I am not going to heaven because of the great way I have lived my life. Let's be honest here. God paid the price that was mine. I would most likely be in the same mess as everyone else if I hadn't believed that I could be forgiven, not because of who I am, but because of who he is. I have assurance that when I die, I will live a peaceful, good life walking next to my God the rest of my days. So, I could stop there. But God gave us instructions, agendas, and blessings, to reach his people. Someone was being obedient when I heard about the gospel. I want to be part of the harvest. Because I believe. So why is it that I believe for my own salvation, but don't have absolute faith in my prayer life? Why don't I believe with all my heart in all circumstances? Fear and unbelief. What if I look stupid? What if God is not happy with me and isn't listening to me? This is the enemy's strategy..to make us chicken out. But we are in a war, and soldiers don't run the other way when they are faced with danger or an uncomfortable situation. They fight back. If the enemies' method of attack is to lie and tell us that we don't have to be so pro-active to be obedient to God or to spread his word, then we must fight back. With truth. With God's word, with prayer, with steadfastness. The war is won. Even if we lose from time to time. Can we stand firm and keep on pushing through the junk that makes us fearful, and pulls us away from the victory that is already ours? It's not easy. satans a good liar. Who will I believe? My actions will speak more than my mouth ever will. I pray that my life will reflect what I believe, and that I will believe my God.

I Really Don't Have a Title

I'm going for a whole new look!