Thursday, July 10, 2008

Venting

I do not want to be a Christian that is always frowning upon others. I do not want to be a Christian who is passive towards ungodly behavior. Where is the balance? As I grow in my faith, I want every aspect of my life to honor God. I get excited and want to talk about him. All the time. Even my Christian friends seem to kind of zone out or just lose interest when I talk about God. So I find myself in a bad place, feeling lonely and judging them (which is not my place to do) for being more interested in temporal things than in a life dedicated to God. It's not fun. I know that I have sin in my life, and in no way do I think I am more holy than my friends, I just feel... different. I want to be used of God. I don't want him around just when I am having a bad day or want something. I want my life to touch others. I try to understand that my friends may have been in a close relationship before, but maybe they are in a dry period in their relationships with God. I am single, they are married and have more to occupy their time. I do realize these things, but I am still missing out on having another person to be excited about God with. Honestly, I am glad I have met some of the people out in blog world who are in love with the Lord, because it encourages me daily. On a happier note, our Bible study starts on Sunday and I am so ready to help bring other women to a place where they can meet and learn about God, and I know he is going to do some life changing. Can't wait!
Angela

9 comments:

Penn Tomassetti said...

Hi Angela,

I know how you feel. God radically transformed my life five years ago. Back then, I was just beginning to grow in grace and in knowing Christ. I've always prayed to be used by God. Well in a period of five years, so much has happened that I don't think I will live long enough to write a book about it. So I would like to encourage you to keep praying.

I just listened to the greats sermon on singleness that I've ever heard. I burnt it to a CD and gave it to my brother who just had his engagement put on pause. There is no doubt that you will be blessed by it here:
http://www.gracetempe.org/wp/?cat=9&special=sermons

It's called, "Seeing and Savoring Singleness part 1"

Edie said...

Hey Angela - Boy I've been through exactly what you've described here. Hang in there girl. God is leading you right where He plans to use you. He spends a lot of time preparing us. That's the hard part. The waiting, and waiting, and waiting...

After many, many years of aloneness (is that a word?)in every way, never married, God stopped dating in my life, seperation from family, long periods without friendship, and more, He brought the perfect friendship into my life. Rhonda and I can spend "DAYS" talking non stop and God is always the center of the conversation.

I have also come to realize that He has been using this long period of waiting to shape me for His plan. I love your heart!

Angela said...

Penn,
Thanks for the link. I listened to part one. I liked it but it made me a little sad, not sure why. I certainly agree that being married is not going to fill the place that only God can fill. I know that's why many relationships fail..you can not expect another person to be your everything, and unreasonable expectations lead to bitterness, resentment, and feelings of inadequacy and unfulfillment. I need to let God be my portion, and I don't want to accept any substitutions. The loneliness comes from not having friends around me (physically) who share the passion I have when I learn something new from God or when I see him do something awesome, and my friends aren't as enthusiastic as I wish they would be. Thank you so much for sending me that link. I'm going to listen to part two soon.
Angela

Angela said...

Edie,
I am so glad to know you (sort of). Thanks for sharing your own struggle on this subject with me..I have really been feeling alone on this issue..in a weird way, I am grateful for it, because obviously I'd rather be alone with God then surrounded and in the world. It so helps to have people like you who know what I am feeling. I hope God sends me a Rhonda soon..I can see that as a title for a future post..Waiting for Rhonda!! Thanks for your kindness. I hope you are having a wonderful day.
Angela

Penn Tomassetti said...

I'm glad you were able to listen to that link. I was totally blown away by that message. I thought it was helpful to more than just unmarried people. It talked about not looking for satisfaction in any type of relationships without being satisfied with Jesus first.

I've experienced a lot of things with friends like you described, so I know a little bit of what you are talking about. However, the more God directs me to do His will, the more my joy remains steadfast in His grace.

Your friends may never be as enthusiastic as you hope, so that is why I want to encourage you to keep praying, because God will do amazing things. What Edie said is right on!

God bless you.

Edie said...

Hi Angela - You can share with me anytime. I Love talking about God. Remember that throughout the Bible, a lot the people God used greatly, He got them alone first. Abraham, Elijah (my fav), Joseph, David, etc.
(edie7777 at tx dot rr dot com)

DidiLyn said...

Angela, glad to know another girl who likes to talk about the Lord all day! I know I sometimes feel I'm boring everyone, even the Christians, and that makes me sad.
You should think about prison/jail ministry. Let me tell you, they love to have you talk about Jesus. That might sound random, but I am with Prison Fellowship (you can read about it on my blog sometime) and it is so humbling and awesome.
God bless you!

Angela said...

Thanks Edie, and thanks DidiLynn. I am blessed to have such examples to follow..you ladies are sold out for God and I truly am grateful to read about your desire to live your life for the Lord. It inspires me and lets me know I have sisters out there who I can talk to and I know you'll "get it". I have been having a tough day and it comforts me to read your words of encouragent. God bless you girls!

Kathy S. said...

Hello Angela, I want to encourage you too. I have felt the same way as you have. Even though I have a couple of friends who mirror my zeal, we don't get to be around each other very often.

The Lord has shown me that our places of barreness are on purpose by Him to draw us close and solidify our awareness of His Presence. He is building our root system. When there is a drought, the roots go deeper to get water and the tree becomes more fixed and immovable also able to nourish the trees around it. Sweet-huh?

Remember Elizabeth and Hanna's longings...what came of them? God blessed them with eternal fruit. Samuel and John the Baptist.

Just like a fast of food (temporal) brings in spiritual nourishment. So do our longings bear eternal fruit.

Longings give us the opportunity to grow in Christlikeness too. We show love when we dont feel loved, we have joy when it makes no sense to others.

I sense The Lord's fragrance in your writing. I am sure that He is up to something good with you!
Blessings, Kathy